Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML
Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML
Today, I had to fire an employee because she constantly calls in, or is late to work. She became very emotional and I felt kind of bad, so I walked her out myself. We then got stuck in the company elevator. FML
Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML
Today, my boyfriend told his friends he was dating me. We've been together for a year and a half. His friends didn't even know I existed before. FML
Myyrh tells us more.
Myyrh 8
Yaaaaaay it got publiiiished ! :D Hi everyone, OP here =) Time for explainations ! We've been in a long distance relationship for one year and a half. So when he came to my place, I made him meet my family and friends because I was so happy to be with him, but when I came to his place, I never met anyone beside his brothers and parents (I still haven't met one of his brothers who lives far away from both my place and my bf's place). My bf lives in a small village, his friends live somewhere else and so we could not randomly run into them either. At first it pissed me off that he didn't want to tell anyone (even our friends who knew both of us), but then he started to be ok with it and to tell everyone how lucky he was to have me. He told his very close friends though, but the other ones never knew about me. For those who say I should find someone else : before meeting me he was with a girl during 5 years and that time his family didn't know about her, on Facebook he was even acting like "if you know a cute girl, intoduce her to me, you know I'm single" etc, whereas I managed to make him remove the "single" from his profile page (now there is nothing, it's not written "in a relationship" either but at least, other girls won't see he's "single" anymore) and I was the first girlfriend he ever brought back home and introduced to his family. So I'm kind of a big deal ;) Tha main reason he didn't want to tell his friends is because he doens't like people to know about his private life, but also because he is tired of people gossiping. Also I never insisted too much on meeting his friends because I am really really really shy and was ok with not having to meet people I didn't know but who had known my bf for years. By the way, his friends were mad at him for not telling them for one and a half year, but he said it was his choice and he was ok with it. And finally, I was not really complaining, but people here had the same reaction as some of my friends, and I thought it was an... original situation ! =) So, there you go !
Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML
Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML
Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML
Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML
Today, I was docked and fined in my dorm building because of multiple noise complaints. What was I doing that was so noisy? I slipped in the shower and banged my head against the floor. Then when I reached for the towel rack to pull myself up, it broke and I slammed my wrist onto the ground. FML
Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML
Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML
Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML
Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML
Today, I'm five and a half weeks pregnant. One of my coworkers told me that it sucks that I'll have to wait so long to show. I asked her what she meant; she replied, "It's always harder to tell when big girls are pregnant. Can't tell what's fat and what's baby." FML
pregnantfatty tells us more.
OP here. There are two reasons anyone at work knows I'm pregnant at this stage in the game. Background: I stopped taking birth control 2 years ago and have had six periods in that time. I work in a doctor's office-I'm a nurse. My coworkers that work directly with me often convince me to take pregnancy tests because my cycle is so irregular. I was experiencing what I thought were PMs symptoms-breast tenderness (to the point that it was painful to take my bra off at night), much more fatigue than usual, hormonal headaches, and some nausea when trying to eat in the morning but especially at night. I wasn't too concerned because the headaches had me convinced it was my period. My coworkers thought otherwise and told me after about two weeks of these symptoms that I was taking a pregnancy test on a Monday if I didn't start my period over the weekend. Well, I didn't get my period, obviously. I came in to work and that was the first thing the girls asked. I said no and was handed a urine sample cup. At that point, I was still convinced there was no way it was positive, so I did my sample, came back and gave it to the girl who was 100% sure I was pregnant, telling her "I don't even need to watch, I know it's negative!" Well, lo and behold, my pink positive line came up before the control line even showed up and my coworker rushed to my desk and said "congratulations!!!" I took 4 more tests that day and swore my coworkers to secrecy until I could tell my boyfriend-who was shocked because we had unprotected sex literally once and bam. I told one of my other coworkers the next day-she's also a nurse and was one of my preceptors when I was a student. I wanted to know what I should tell our boss. I am currently covering someone's maternity leave at work, which ends in December, and then I theoretically go back to being casual. She told me I had to tell our boss immediately-apparently you have to work a certain number of hours to have maternity leave regardless of whether or not your position is permanent so she said "tell her and get your leave!" I told my boss, who was completely thrilled and told me that whatever I decided, there was a job for me in some capacity at our clinic so it went well. As for telling everyone when it's so early, I spoke with one of the docs I work with regarding prenatal testing because I don't have a doc. I put my name in his schedule so he could bill for it and stupidly thought that nobody would look in my chart. As for my coworker, she's less than 5 feet tall and probably has a good 30 lbs on me. I'm not a stick, but I'm not "plus-sized" either. Before finding out I was pregnant, I had lost 20 lbs in order to help facilitate my boyfriend and I having kids... Down the road. If you stayed with this novel of a follow-up, thanks for reading!
Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML
Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML
Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML
Today, I woke up to people in the parking lot screaming "everybody wake up". They've been doing this at 7 every morning since I moved in 3 months ago. FML
Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML
Today, during my shift at work, I started to feel really sick and started throwing up. While I had my head in a bag, I had several customers ask me for directions, and another customer abuse me for my lack of service. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
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