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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

#21053635
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37392) - you deserved it (4242)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by fuckmyplums (man) - Austria (Salzburg)

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

#21055497
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37371) - you deserved it (4833)

On 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm - misc - by Avomitmous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I was at the fish store asking if they were hiring. My stepdad decided to humiliate me by screaming at them repeatedly that I'm a good person and that I deserve the job. FML

#21060810
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37353) - you deserved it (3427)

On 02/14/2014 at 9:28pm - misc - by author - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

#21069128
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37204) - you deserved it (7739)

On 02/23/2014 at 3:10am - animals - by dsamanthas - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

#21063667
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37162) - you deserved it (6487)

On 02/17/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by I must suck at singing (woman) - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

#21072281
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (4426)

On 02/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by IVOaf (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36750) - you deserved it (2913)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

#21072866
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36656) - you deserved it (3508)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:21am - work - by FallCameEarly (man) - United States (California)

Today, after 10 months of hard work, it was the opening night of the show I was directing. Everybody loved it, except my mother. She called it the worst thing she'd ever seen. Thanks for the support, mum. FML

#21065609
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36523) - you deserved it (3120)

On 02/19/2014 at 4:33pm - work - by Disappointed (woman) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

#21067330
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36522) - you deserved it (5204)

On 02/21/2014 at 3:04am - intimacy - by sadlysingle (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

#21048030
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36389) - you deserved it (7183)

On 02/02/2014 at 11:13am - misc - by LarissaT18 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my store manager thought that it would improve morale to talk in hashtags. FML

#21072669
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36369) - you deserved it (3290)

On 02/26/2014 at 10:28pm - work - by Lori_ftw - United States (California)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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