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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

#6389255
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43005) - you deserved it (3467)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by AussieGirl (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

#12332692
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you deserved it (3467)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by kiki - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I missed my bus, so I walked home in the rain from school, only to realize my mom had been following me the whole time in the car, laughing her ass off. FML

#17691004
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35989) - you deserved it (3467)

On 09/07/2011 at 7:53pm - misc - by me - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

#20480710
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30043) - you deserved it (3467)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28715) - you deserved it (3467)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

#20158140
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26007) - you deserved it (3466)

On 11/10/2012 at 10:10pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

#2303239
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55926) - you deserved it (3465)

On 05/26/2009 at 5:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I was at a party. The music changed to a slow dance. Everybody grabbed a partner and I was left on the dancefloor alone. Suddenly, this guy walks up to me. I swore that he was going to ask me to dance. He then says: "Could you hold me my drink?" and goes to dance with another girl. FML

#2704619
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49528) - you deserved it (3465)

On 06/07/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said "how would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

#6343049
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23770) - you deserved it (3465)

On 11/17/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by shellbom (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was sitting on my balcony reading a book. My upstairs neighbors thought that would be a good time to water their flowers. I'm now drenched in water, as is my book. FML

#16103716
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29736) - you deserved it (3465)

On 05/09/2011 at 11:05am - misc - by Nelson - Sweden

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28092) - you deserved it (3465) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, after admitting he had feelings for me, my crush returned from out of town. He'd said that while he was gone, he'd meet people, but only think of me. He came back no longer single. He's known her for 4 days. We've known each other for 6 years. FML

#18369086
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28455) - you deserved it (3465)

On 11/27/2011 at 6:53pm - love - by Mallory - United States



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