Drugs

Impeccable timing

By drugs - 01/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I came home, raced upstairs, and yelled to my roomie that I'd found some blow for the party tonight. It was only after he left his room and punched me that I remembered he had a virtual interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 858

Lifestyle influencer

By Anonymous - 12/11/2023 14:00

Today, after I inherited 300 grand last year and blew it all on drugs, I'm now kicking myself in the ass for not blowing it all on drugs AND hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 447

Just say no

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 09:00 - United States - Bloomsburg

Today, I had an adverse, extremely negative reaction to weed, resulting in intense nausea, dizziness, and fast heart rate amongst other things. This is the third time this has happened in six months. Guess I need to quit for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 1 110

Stoner in disguise

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 417

You deserved it 2 916

Haunted

By Anonymous - 21/09/2023 11:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I had my first trauma nightmare, about my classmates who had drugs planted on them so the police officers could abuse them for being queer. It's been 16 years since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 187

Trippin' out

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 08:00

Today, my dog ate an entire bag of my boyfriend’s shrooms. She got incredibly sick and had to be admitted to doggie hospital. My entire family was worried that we would lose her. All except my boyfriend, who was more upset that his shrooms were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 297

The Devil's lettuce

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 00:02

Today, my friend went to go pick up some weed from her dealer. That same day her parents were searching her room, so guess who posted it through my letterbox so their parents wouldn’t find it. Unfortunately, my very religious parents found it and now think I'm being directed by Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 176

Get out of the garage

By lq87 - 09/08/2023 01:00 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I realized my fiance would rather sit in the garage and get high than spend any time with me. I can't remember the last time we had sex and I don't know what to do at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 119

The drugs are working

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 06:00

Today, my wife woke up from dental surgery still stoned off her box. She was asking for me, but when she saw me she said, “Ew, you’re ugly, I asked you to go get my husband, he’s goofy looking but you’re just plain ugly so you’re not my husband.” Not sure how to feel about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 103

Out of control

By Anonymous - 14/07/2023 22:00

Today, my grandma, who was placed in a hospice a few months ago, started to decline in health and passed away, The day before she died I thought my girlfriend was so sweet because she took a leading role in her care, just to find out she didn’t care about her at all. It was just an act to steal her pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 86

Surveillance

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 18:00

Today, I showed my boss the app where I can remotely monitor my new home security cameras. As we panned the camera around, we were greeted by my son smoking a bong - sound and all. Way to go, boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 268

Coping

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 18:00

Today, I realized how self-absorbed my mother is when she came to visit, and was so upset at my sibling over a non-issue that she didn't notice I was high so I wouldn't have to remember anything she said. I was hoping for a healthier relationship with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 223

Perpetual 420

By anon - 08/06/2023 06:00

Today, I came home to pizza boxes piled high, dirty laundry everywhere, and a sink full of roaches, but all I did was smoke a bowl and turn the Switch on. My boyfriend and I have let our lives fall apart ever since our state legalized weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 1 679

Stoner

By Stoner - 25/04/2023 20:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 2 001

I know that smell

By Quinnald - 20/04/2023 12:00

Today, I had to call the cops at 10:30 at night because of the meth smoke from my neighbor burning my nostrils, with a heavy waft of cigarette covering it up. They never smoke cigarettes, except as a less-than-average way to cover up the drugs that I can pinpoint after being at two different shelters in Denver and Boulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 99

Overreacting much?

By But you drink alcohol though - 19/04/2023 03:00

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 671

High times

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 00:00

Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 100

Off his **** on placebos

By being this dumb should hurt - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 145

Jack-in-the-box

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 216

Thanks, but no thanks

By Clarice - 04/03/2023 00:00 - United States - Bedford

Today, while I was waiting for my train, a drugged out dude found it apropos to tell me women should be eaten like livestock, because they would, "probably be delicious." I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 103

No stars on Trip Advisor

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 11:00 - United States - Ingleside

Today, I paid for my man to get a massage while we were on vacation. The hour passes and he wasn't answering his phone or texts. I go to the room and he’s just getting out of the shower. I come to find out she is high on ketamine, and he said they kissed. He still denies it. This is what I get for getting him a massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 203

Sleepy Joe

By Justin - 22/02/2023 10:00

Today, I learned that all the caffeine my body can handle and boundless energy will not stop me from yawning. Thirty times in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 127

Trust

By Anonymous - 21/02/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years confessed he'd logged into my computer and read some of my texts. He's blaming it on weed making him paranoid and has apologized, but I feel betrayed and have no one to talk to about it but my shrink. I feel lonely and hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 180

Mom of the year

By Ugly step father - 13/02/2023 15:00 - South Africa

Today, as it goes for the last 7 years, my step-daughter got her child grant and disappeared into her meth habit. Again. As per every month after being "clean" for a week. The child that "is over" drugs. The same child that calls us useless and losers. Guess who gets her child ready for school and takes her there? FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 137

Nostalgia

By childhoodupinsmoke - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Austin

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 666

You deserved it 3 613

Time flies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a self-destructive personality among other things. I saw everything from my past instantly, like photographic memory recall. It was utterly terrifying, from extreme childhood drug-induced trauma that continues to this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 115

You have arrived at your destination

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 10:00

Today, an Edible Arrangements driver knocked on my door with the most delicious-looking gift! He was just asking for directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 115

Quiet quitting time

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 04:00

Today, I went to do a drug test for a new job. While I was there, they said the job was part-time with no insurance. Previously it was supposed to be full time with insurance. Now I have to take a job that pays $20,000 less a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 111

Strung out

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 16:30 - Australia

Today, I realised just how caffeine dependent I am. I didn't have time for my morning coffee, work is out of milk, and I only have $1.30 in my bank account, so I couldn't buy a coffee. Today has been a struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 606

Opiates rule

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 00:00 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I am 10 years clean from an opiate addiction. It’s also been 10 years since I began suffering from severe restless legs syndrome, to the point I cry from frustration and sleep deprivation almost every night. I’ve tried several medications, they don’t help. A recent injury has made me realize opiates do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 113

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 967

You deserved it 2 939

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. Fifteen minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 471

You deserved it 13 094

The Top

Today, my dad grounded me. Again. First it was my phone, now my watch. How the hell am I supposed to communicate now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 1 122

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 080

You deserved it 4 477

Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 954

You deserved it 5 536

Today, I realized that the only thing that relieves my chronic facial pain is vaping CBD. I previously was very vocal about how much I hate smoking and vaping. My kids think I'm a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 994

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 164

You deserved it 1 694

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 623

You deserved it 25 227