Insects, the best funniest jokes

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Today, I poured gas around my house for pest control. I can still smell it from inside. FML

By Anonymous - 20/8/2021 10:01

Risky

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Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

By Anonymous - 13/8/2021 17:01 - United States - Chicago

Protein source

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Today, I found out I have bed bugs, thanks to my dad having them and not telling me, so my girlfriend got pissed at me, thinking I purposely give them to her, and is sending me a bill to have her house treated for them. Thanks dad. FML

By Anonymous - 18/7/2021 17:59

Super-spreading

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Today, I was smoking a cigarette outside and kept thinking I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I would look and there was nothing there, so I kept brushing it off. Finally I figured out it was an earwig crawling through my hair. FML

By chelseasdead - 4/7/2021 06:01

Creepy Crawly

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Today, I'm on a camping trip, and despite the lovely weather, I'm wearing long clothing so the mosquitoes can’t sting me. Unfortunately, nobody seems to have told THEM that. FML

By Anonymous - 23/6/2021 16:01

Leave me alone

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Today, most people don’t realize how relaxing it is to poop on an indoor toilet. As in, being able to do your business in peace without having to keep mosquitoes from landing on your private parts. FML

By Anonymous - 22/6/2021 06:00

Really bugs me

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Today, I was packing up to move when I decided to take a break. I went to get some water from the sink when a bug fell into my cup. Needless to say, I'm glad I'm moving. FML

By Julie Wuertz - 21/6/2021 11:01

Shithole

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Today, after three visits from exterminators and another from a steam cleaner, I still have bedbugs. FML

By Anonymous - 27/5/2021 02:01 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Horrible little things

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Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML

By Anonymous - 14/5/2021 00:00

Hello little guy

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Today, a fly landed on my dentist's arm. The same arm and hand holding the needle inserted into my gum. He instinctively tried to shake it off. FML

By Flyaway - 21/3/2021 11:56 - Australia - Rhodes

The reflex, flex flex flex flex

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Today, my daughter left a plate of food in her room for two hours. When I yelled at her about ants, her response was, "But I thought it took DAYS for ants to show up!" I raised this dumbass. FML

By mother of a complete idiot - 16/3/2021 21:30

Smart

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Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 10:58

Our insect overlords

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Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

By fml9124

Hidden

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Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

By Anonymous - United States

Haircare protip

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Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

She's right, you know

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