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January 2014

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today as a priest's helper in church I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist I was saying "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41553) - you deserved it (12535)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts r too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

like every other day fir many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42888) - you deserved it (8089) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

today after working mah shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in looool at mah dispatch job!! During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would u like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46429) - you deserved it (8735)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I decidd to have a quickie before the kids woke up from there nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children cummd busting in with there nerf guns, screaming, ( Where's the monster? ) FML

#21025946
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53698) - you deserved it (32539)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today after his sixth beer mah dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven u fir what u did to your mother's vagina". big fat FML

#21025234
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56778) - you deserved it (5796)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avenger with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk . When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls . FML

#21044971
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49960) - you deserved it (6256)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

today I tried to lose my vrginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. mega FML

#21020996
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62128) - you deserved it (27016)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, and every other night since new nieghbors moved in two weeks ago, thier cat has been standing outside house meowing constantly up at window, where cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45898) - you deserved it (4942)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, ( Go, Nicolas! You can do it! ) He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57019) - you deserved it (6336) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, mah dog found out how to turn mah Xbox off . So whenever he wants attention, guess wat he does . FML

#21019316
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49540) - you deserved it (17653)

On 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm - animals - by Z3R0G5 (man) - United States (Indiana)

2day I was in a markat in Franca, and want to ask tha sallar 4 soma potatoas. I spaak fluant Franch, but I got flustard and instaad of saying "pomma da tarra", which is tha Franch 4 potato, I said "pomma da marda". I litarally askd 4 an "appla of shit". maga FML



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