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October 2013

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Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

#20906772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40418) - you deserved it (4592)

On 10/04/2013 at 1:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

#20921493
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46696) - you deserved it (5269)

On 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

#20910165
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49760) - you deserved it (13349)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Sleepy head - United States

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

#20902324
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41977) - you deserved it (10330)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:41pm - intimacy - by A.Summers (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

#20903440
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57573) - you deserved it (13991)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Ggirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

#20921212
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47440) - you deserved it (4408)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

#20925040
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37927) - you deserved it (3799)

On 10/18/2013 at 10:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (10644)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

#20933214
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48148) - you deserved it (4255)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:01am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

#20923824
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43477) - you deserved it (4401)

On 10/17/2013 at 9:43am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

#20934761
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43221) - you deserved it (4549)

On 10/26/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by CUCKOO (man) - United Kingdom

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

#20916055
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42485) - you deserved it (4768)

On 10/11/2013 at 2:09am - work - by Itsnotmeitsyou (woman) - Australia



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