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By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 985

You deserved it 2 983

By lurna301 - 17/07/2012 00:58 - United States - Glendale

Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 780

You deserved it 3 286

Lock it up

By stickyface - 24/10/2010 05:18 - Canada

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs TV room. Just as he was about to come, I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door right as he came. I didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 071

You deserved it 41 858

By war_monkey - 10/04/2014 12:20 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 767

You deserved it 4 278

war_monkey tells us more.

war_monkey 6

Friday 11 April 2014 0:55

It started on april fools with some very lame joke and he has decided to carry on with it and screw around. Thanks for all of the funny comments and yes, I wanted to punch jeff in the face. He has stopped and I showed him the published FML, XD.

By HanBroman - 17/03/2014 08:05 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 952

You deserved it 5 560

HanBroman tells us more.

HanBroman 20

Monday 17 March 2014 16:10

Op here, I know the doctors right. It's something I'd suspected for a while but I guess I was in denial. before it happens it feels nice, like I'm getting really close and then BAM all the pleasure stops and is replaced by frustration and sensitivity until i have to ask him to stop because it's so unpleasant. (I've tried pushing on and eventually it goes numb) and this is predominantly from clitoral stimulation. internally i feel even less. I've tried everything. vibrators, special lube, oral (which I actually hate), all kinds of things. I have an extremely supportive boyfriend who is willing to try absolutely anything but nothing helps and it's been a year since we became sexually active. it's become very hard for me to get turned on now since I find there's nothing to look forward to about sexual activity.

Headshot!

By Amb - 01/06/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 094

You deserved it 6 205

Too late

By UhOhhhh - 08/09/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 920

You deserved it 4 331

By ihaveahome - 12/04/2011 16:02 - Czech Republic

Today, at 6am I was waiting for the tram to go home from my late night job. A homeless man came up to me and offered to buy me a beer because "guys like us have to stick together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 935

You deserved it 4 942

By mylifeisahell - 18/02/2010 15:01 - Norway

Today, I found garbage in my postbox. In amongst the garbage, I found a note saying ''This is all you ever will get. Stay away from me!'', from the girl I sent a love poem to the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 356

You deserved it 7 245

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 06:32 - Canada

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 001

You deserved it 3 047

By skinsfan7592 - 08/02/2010 15:19 - United States

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 160

You deserved it 44 110

Revenge is sweet

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 22:03 - Iceland - Akranes

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 275

You deserved it 27 825

By deee21 - 24/09/2011 08:23 - Australia

Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 853

You deserved it 35 734

Disloyal!

By saywhat - 26/11/2010 03:28 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 297

You deserved it 39 834

By juliearis - 06/07/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 828

You deserved it 10 306

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 783

You deserved it 19 627

By Anonymous - 02/02/2013 14:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 308

You deserved it 9 942

Read the instructions

By BlueBaby123 - 25/07/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package, we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year-old daughter to see what she thought about it. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 248

You deserved it 88 921

By mrmr - 07/02/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 551

You deserved it 3 031

By Bill - 18/08/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 680

You deserved it 2 810

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 572

You deserved it 15 231

That's not my name

By noname - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as "The short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 4 596

By budussy - 30/03/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriends house and we were having sex. He has a game on in the background and one of his friends started talking to him. He immediately threw me off and said "I have to answer this." He went over to his computer and started talking to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 086

You deserved it 8 638

budussy tells us more.

budussy 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 4:07

He was playing eve-online and he had his speakers on listening in the background what other people were saying. Then one of them called out his in game name and thats when it happened. He did come back and finish though.

By compguy - 25/02/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 627

You deserved it 34 941