Miscellaneous: Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to... - FML

By Fluffydemise - United States

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

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Fluffydemise tells us more :

OP here. Just made an account. Will consider posting the video!

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Send virtual hugs

Inspirational tale

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

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By drreeeewwww - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

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By banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

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By fouryearswasted - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML

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By iamrose - United States

Today, as I was rehearsing a kissing scene for a play, I realized that before this play, the last guy I had kissed was the same one I was kissing now. It was also for a play. Four and a half years ago. FML

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By sippinsoup22 - United States - Houston

Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML

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By bbns - Germany

Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML

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By ...... - United States

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

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By Jenna - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

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By caryl101698 - United States - Medford

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

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By itchtoscratch

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

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By susiedoggles - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

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By Dee - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

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By dgilbs - United States - Grosse Pointe

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

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By workaholic

Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

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By

Volcanic eruption

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

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By vw - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

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By Help Me - Canada - Calgary

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

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By

Long thought

Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Reno

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

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By TheJuggla17 - United States

Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager, he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

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By fuckmyassimcold - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing my bass clarinet around the house. I asked my dad if he would be at my concert on December 16th. His response was, "No, I'm working that day." My dad is a plumber, and gets called to work completely at random; he has no schedule. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Randers

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

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By ydahs - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

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By motherlessbride - United States

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

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By oopsydaisy - United States - Decatur

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Property dispute

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

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By karmamaybe - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

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By michelle91 - Malaysia

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

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By seriouslylife?

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 19:02 - United States - Weslaco

Show me where it hurts

Today, I learned that pregnancy makes me more prone to migraines, but the only pain killer I can take makes me vomit. So I have to choose between being in pain and vomiting for hours on end. FML

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By Jason McGinnis - 22/9/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

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By erphy21 - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

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Top comments

By Free4ever | 6

#5331495 - Sunday 20 January 2013 2:57

Be glad it was you and not your daughter (: next time be more careful.

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5331491 - Sunday 20 January 2013 2:55

Ahh, a moment that she'll never forget :)

COMMENTS

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5331491 - Sunday 20 January 2013 2:55

Ahh, a moment that she'll never forget :)

Reply

ThePsyche | 9

#5331570 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:50

And judging by his username, neither will his testicles.

Reply

SuperKnuckels | 6

#5331576 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:59

ah yes the joys of family time.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5331698 - Sunday 20 January 2013 6:06

put on youtube or we wont believe you!

Reply

lolfood | 24

#5331766 - Sunday 20 January 2013 7:35

Is it a bad thing if I read this as "today, I was sleeping with my daughter..."

Reply

ElricMustang | 23

#5331784 - Sunday 20 January 2013 8:16

I think you should answer that question yourself...

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#5333332 - Monday 21 January 2013 15:12

And with it on video, he'll never forget it either, no matter how much he wants to. :)

Reply

Fluffydemise | 18

#5333980 - Tuesday 22 January 2013 0:08

What is your problem #43???

Reply

DJisHere11 | 19

#5602983 - Monday 29 July 2013 8:18

#43 You need help ASAP!

Reply

maliadiva11 | 21

#6297675 - Friday 22 May 2015 2:03

....

By klm2purple | 18

#5331492 - Sunday 20 January 2013 2:55

First!

By Free4ever | 6

#5331495 - Sunday 20 January 2013 2:57

Be glad it was you and not your daughter (: next time be more careful.

Reply

slurshies | 11

#5331775 - Sunday 20 January 2013 7:56

now your kid knows how not to do it

By Hockeyboy4280 | 18

#5331507 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:03

Way to "show her how it's done".

By MistaBlista | 9

#5331515 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:08

Well, THAT'S an easy ten grand on AFV.

Reply

Shmatterhorn | 38

#5331735 - Sunday 20 January 2013 6:50

Only if the video features either a kid or a cute pet. If not, then I estimate
only a second place at best.

By Kal3Y | 12

#5331522 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:12

Ouch, there's always next time though.

By perdix | 29

#5331523 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:12

I guess that's one way to save on sending your kid to college.

By kurodansei | 16

#5331533 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:21

And that's when you shout from the bottom of the hill "do as I say not as I do!"

By Dory123 | 9

#5331534 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:21

Show us the video!!

By footcheezeez | 16

#5331550 - Sunday 20 January 2013 3:34

Wait for a few years... "Dad, remember when..."