Love: Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 754

You deserved it 18 799

Stop talking!

Own it

Compromises

Malding

By Anonymous - 07/07/2015 02:21 - United States

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 018

You deserved it 2 405

Capitalism kills

By glorified taxi driver - 11/06/2020 20:08

Today, after starting a new job, having two ovarian cysts rupture and been in and out of the hospital twice in a week, I'd been told that I couldn't work, needed surgery, and could lose my ovary. I’m 23. I was told that my job was secure and not to worry. I received my termination letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 074

You deserved it 112

By Lady of Sorrows - 31/01/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 978

You deserved it 3 285

By mortenp - 22/09/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 121

You deserved it 44 817

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 02:05 - United States

Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 941

You deserved it 2 607

When you lie on your resume to get the job

By Anonymous - 27/07/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I are devastated to return our newly adopted "cat friendly" dog to the shelter. He's perfect other than the fact that he clearly wants to eat our cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 239

You deserved it 317

By y00na - 17/08/2018 23:30

Today, I thought it would be fun to tint my hair. An hour later, I resemble a blueberry and it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 1 120

By SGreene - 06/05/2017 20:00

Today, a storm dropped a tree across my road. I would have moved it with my tractor, but there was a tree on that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 530

You deserved it 328

By caramelkarma - 15/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 234

You deserved it 65 548

The joy of newborn babies

By mala_19 - 19/09/2020 14:02 - Sweden

Today, after I, my fiance, and the doctors tried all day to get my son to eat for more than just three minutes straight, he decided to eat for thirty minutes straight in the middle of the night when I just wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 210

By douchegamer - 03/03/2013 03:38 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 122

You deserved it 78 764

By LadyLump - 24/01/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 031

You deserved it 4 571

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 220

By Eleanor - 19/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 772

You deserved it 601

By DeepTaccer - 30/10/2010 21:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sucking on a Tic Tac. Just as I was starting to get into it, the Tic-Tac suddenly shot down my throat. After a minute of coughing and gagging, it came back up... out my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 032

You deserved it 6 267

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 144

Buyer's market

By gasbrain - 05/09/2020 20:06

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 257

You deserved it 16 322

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 979

You deserved it 16 258

By Anonymous - 21/04/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 285

You deserved it 2 901

By bruised - 13/03/2013 21:06 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 985

You deserved it 6 303

By blue - 25/08/2012 21:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 152

You deserved it 2 339

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 20:56 - United States - Collingswood

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 841

You deserved it 12 147

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 163

You deserved it 7 678

By gabby - 13/12/2009 17:30 - Canada

Today, I was on the bus and a woman got on with her 3 young children. I offered her my seat so they could all sit together. When I went to get off the bus I realized I left my bag underneath my old seat. When I tried to get it back the woman hit me and yelled at me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 596

You deserved it 2 941

By Mixta - 03/01/2015 04:45 - France - Roubaix

Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 415

You deserved it 3 476

Don't date coworkers

By Pastrygirl - 11/07/2016 22:00

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 563

You deserved it 884

By lalalalalala - 17/03/2011 16:56 - United States

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 727

You deserved it 3 714

By Screwed - 01/05/2017 14:00

Today, I was informed that- despite an already skeletal staff- my supervisor is leaving the company. Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 310

You deserved it 303

By sillydoggy - 09/09/2013 01:42 - United States

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 131

You deserved it 9 651

By Thanks Fred - 18/05/2019 00:05

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 291

The serpentine movement of life

By mountainmetal983 - 05/03/2020 18:00

Today, the serpentine belt broke on my truck a mile away from work, 30 minutes before I needed to be there. This caused me to be 45 minutes late. I got written up for being late. The tow truck then took my truck to the wrong mechanic shop. Now I have to pay another tow truck bill to get it to the right shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 10/08/2016 14:10 - Serbia - Pancevo

Today, I was told I'll need a hysterectomy. I'm barely 22. My doctor said "You probably wanted kids, huh? That's gonna be rough!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 809

You deserved it 1 376

By dumped - 05/06/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 756

You deserved it 6 244

By caryl101698 - 09/06/2016 01:40 - United States - Medford

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 1 080

By fedemere - 28/05/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 855

You deserved it 4 649

By anonymous - 10/02/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 995

You deserved it 2 740

By failingyetagain - 20/07/2015 22:17 - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 266

You deserved it 4 495

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 19:49 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 918

You deserved it 3 360

By heyhijello - 09/09/2013 22:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 003

You deserved it 12 689

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

everydayisFML 0

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:36

YDI... there is nothing more annoying than a girl who wears all her bfs clothes. They make girl clothes for a reason.

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:37

it's cos of boobs. i used to always borrow my brother's shirts and he'd get mad cos i "put boobs" in them.

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:34

I lol'd.

Send a private message

Saturday 27 March 2010 5:17

Me too!!!!!!

ckydc 0

Send a private message

Monday 5 April 2010 21:06

maybe he means your boobs? didn't think of that one huh?

fuzzywazzy012 0

Send a private message

Monday 18 October 2010 12:05

Me 3

Send a private message

Saturday 9 April 2011 5:57

how can a guy's shirt be 'cute' i wear guys stuff cos it smells nommy :4

Send a private message

Monday 22 August 2011 7:15

OP I think it's time to get your own clothes

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:34

ohh thats bad but funny awh he might me stretch from other things though.. lmao

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:34

haha funny :P

pancakes_n_syrup 0

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:35

Well maybe if you know you're not the same size, you shouldn't borrow his clothes. but FYL for being bigger than your boyfriend. When you've reached that point..I think it's a hint that you need to diet

loveisahater365 0

Send a private message

Friday 21 May 2010 5:37

i think he meant her chest dude think bout that for a minute

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 March 2011 15:19

not really. you can be big and be healthy you don't have to be skinny you dumb bi$"@

Send a private message

Thursday 10 November 2016 8:42

he means her boobs you dumb fuck

everydayisFML 0

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:36

YDI... there is nothing more annoying than a girl who wears all her bfs clothes. They make girl clothes for a reason.

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 4:46

could be a homosexual relation

technicolourain1 0

Send a private message

Monday 20 June 2011 21:30

it says the op is a girl smart one

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 February 2015 13:33

No, it actually doesn't say that anywhere.

Send a private message

Thursday 26 February 2015 13:12

#178 it really does it's a woman who wrote this. Left side of her username, that symbol.

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:37

it's cos of boobs. i used to always borrow my brother's shirts and he'd get mad cos i "put boobs" in them.

Send a private message

Saturday 4 May 2013 18:47

i have to ask, is your name Jar of arts or Jar o' farts? >.

Send a private message

Saturday 4 May 2013 18:50

I*, >.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 February 2015 13:32

I ruins it's jaro farts

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:38

it could have been worse instead of saying please dont strech it he should have said something like "get your own damn clothes bitch" lol

ZiggyMorrison 0

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:39

1. He prolly doesnt realize that if you have decent sized tits thats going to stretch it out 2. It could be a muscle shirt that guys like being skin tight and even if your only a little bit thicker than he is than it could stretch it out

EmperorChowilio 21

Send a private message

Thursday 14 August 2014 21:40

Did you really just put "prolly"? That's not a fucken word!

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:39

definitely the boobs, unless u don't have them. no guy wants to walk around with a shirt hanging out in the front making it look like he has moobs. not a bad thing. if anything, be proud that ur boobs r too much for his shirts to handle

Send a private message

Monday 27 April 2009 23:40

i like wearing my boyfriends clothes. but i don't normally stretch it out. and usually only sweatshirts when im cold. it sucks that he said that though. maybe he was trying to tell you something?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 70