By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 11:53 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks 33 074
You deserved it 4 182

Same thing different taste

Top comments

You CAN press charges you know...even in Canada, I'm sure

Atleast you didn't wake up with icyhot there after she kicked you.


You CAN press charges you know...even in Canada, I'm sure

That would sure hold up well in court...

Um, that's assault. It's an offence in most places.

nah. here we are not as big of pansies as america. you have to cause some serious damage to charge with assault. getting punched or kicked and then trying to charge them all you would get back from the cops is " Suck it up, buttercup"

ez4u2nv 5

why??? op is probably hoping that was the last time he saw her. suing her would just prolong his misery.

okay, in the nuts can cause serious damage you nitwit. last time I checked the testicles have vital use for reproduction and her kick has the possibility of damaging his sperm production to the point of being infertile, something that causes major self esteem issues and relationship issues are even possible from an inability to get pregnant. thanks for being an ass hole who assumes everyone in america is a pussy also, it's nice to see someone with no knowledge of American policies on the matter judging people anyway. this is why countries hate eachother over nothing. people being fed bullshit of how they are better. guess what! WE ARE ******* EQUALS DIPSHIT!

oh. going to rage more pansy?. did I hurt your sensibilities? wanna cry about it? **** off.

48 You really have no room to talk. You got mad and rage at a simple comment, then you raged even more at a comment that proved you wrong. Please think before you rage.

It's always been my dream to live in a land where I could kick men in the balls whenever I want without consequences. Thank you viper for showing me the promised land.

Pansies dude seriously? Even tho I love Canada thats like the schools cheerleader calling the team captain of the football team a pussy...

You're a dumbass viper...go to school and learn something.

He should have worn a jock to break up with her. Sea abusive so protective padding sounds like a smart idea.

StalkerChick 13

How would he prove it? OP would probably need to show bruises. Do balls get bruised? I'm a girl so I'm not sure..

Moderated twice in one thread. I wonder if that's ever happened n before...

philbelfrage 13

67 - Yes, they do. I had mine operated on almost a year ago. After the surgery they were the size of softballs and completely bruised over. I had purple and black balls for a few weeks afterwards.

So Phil, you were literally blackballed?

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

85 - Blackball is also a term; it's a political form of c*ck blocking.

96 It's also having sex with an African guy. Another description is a white, timid guy being gangbanged by black guys. Source UrbanDictionary.

tsent8 15

76 was it the operation that bruised em or was it the thing that happened to you that made you have to have surgery. And 110 WTF?!?!?

110 -- you can put *anything* into Urban Dictionary, so it's not valid. When your girl wonders why you are covered in padding from head to toe like a Taekwondo practitioner, don't think, just run. If she can't keep with the trail you blaze away from her crazy ass, then you've won the battle. She may try stalking you and kicking you in the sack from various locations, but always wear a steel cup to thwart the nut-destroying attacks.

For instances of domestic abuse there are going to be few witnesses. It's he said she said a lot of the time. It's usually better for any of these cases to be noted by police even if it doesn't go to court

Oh c'mon guys and girls, grow up and stop pressing charges for every small thing.


He should of seen that coming

I don't think girls should EVER kick a guy there unless he is attacking her...

Atleast you didn't wake up with icyhot there after she kicked you.

2-great reference to another FML. As for OP...what a psycho your ex-girlfriend is! Take the hit (literally) and be glad she's out of your life...hopefully. Please do not retaliate, it's just not worth it. Good luck!

saying he is referencing another FML kinda ruins it and it seems you used it as just a way to thread-jack without being overly obvious of not having any response to the actual commenter. next time actually try and continue on with the theme and not start your own

47- you're right...but I really just wanted to say both things. Thanks for pointing it out anyway.

It would be worse if he woke up to his nuts super glued to his thigh.

52 It could be way worse then that. He could have woken up without them.

tsent8 15

At least she didn't headbutt your dick

Slap her tit. I'm not a guy, but I know it HURTS to get your nuts kicked.

According to science, it hurts many times more than giving birth. This is proven science

Also can lead to impotence and sterility.

21- I feel that being kicked in the nuts is equivalent to being punched in the ovaries, not child birth. I'm not sure where you're getting your facts.

For me, personally someone slapping my tit would be the least effective thing anyone could do. Now a falcon punch to the tit would be another story.

Because pain is measured in a unit called Dels. And getting hit in the balls is almost 9 times higher on the scale than giving birth. Feel free to look it up.

You can't provide an accurate measurement to pain. It's subjective. Everyone's pain tolerances are different; what is unbearable to one person, might just be slightly painful to another. :)

24: I think what he was trying to say is that it hurts more to get kicked in the nuts. But given the fact that child birth lasts hours, the overall pain is greater with child birth.

Your statement is absolutely false, 21. There is no science to support it, as we lack the technology to quantify subjective experiences like pain in a scientific way. I apologize if you were being facetious or attempting humor, but if you weren't, I suggest you check your facts more carefully in the future.

36- If you're referring to that, it also states the human can handle 45 dels of pain, and giving birth is 57, and the equivalent to breaking 20 bones. I don't believe even that's accurate though. That's not really "science" proving anything.

21 - proven science my ass. I don't think there's any possible way to prove it girls don't know what it's like to get kicked in the balls and boys don't know what its like to give birth.

To be kicked in the balls and giving birth can't really be compared. The kick is usually unwanted and a suprise and an act of idiocy. Giving birth is usually a self made choice and something you have prepared for mentally. You also have people around you helping you getting through it. I do not feel sorry for girls giving birth. But can certainly feel sorry for a guy getting kicked in the balls. Atleast when it's so uncalled for, as in this fml!

When I get hit in the balls it hurts like hell (like every other guy out there with nuts) but it hurts for what.....15mins? Even if it does rate higher than childbirth, labour lasts hours.

Took your advice and looked it up: Everything I found on it (that wasn't a bunch of idiots in forums) was mentioning the urban legend you referenced. Here's what one website had to say (factsfromfiction dot com): "The Claim- 'A Human body can bear only up to 45 del (units) of pain. Yet at time of giving birth, a mother feels up to 57 Del (units) of pain. This is similar to 20 bones getting fractured at the same time.' The Verdict- False. If you read the description carefully, it doesn't even make much sense. If we can only handle 45 "Dels" of pain, then childbirth at 57 "Dels" would mean that people could not physically handle it. In other words, we would have been an extinct species long before doctors and medicine came along to help us out.There is no such measurement in the scientific community as 'del" of pain, but there is however a "dol" (from the latin word for pain, dolor) which was a proposed name for a unit of measurement for pain from the 1950's, but the idea never really made it far." There isn't even a Wikipedia page for it, it's that crappy of an urban legend!

KiddNYC1O 20

21- I'd say getting kicked in the nuts is ALMOST like a woman's peak pain during menstruation. Definitely not child birth-like pain... From what I've seen.

I guess we're done talking about this but I heard it was males passing gallstones, the pain-equivalent to females giving birth

KiddNYC1O 20

Yes some shit like that. ^ It hurts to think about it really.

73- I hope you get kicked in the nuts while giving birth.

Lol. That's the comparison I make, KiddNYC1O. I've always compared severe period pain to a hot knife being stuck right into your cervix and twisted. And it can sneak up on you too...sometimes you'll be feeling fine and energetic, then 30 minutes later you're stuck in bed with severe cramps and a vomit bucket. I've heard guys say getting kicked in the balls is similar to that and can even make a guy vomit, which sounds more like period pain than giving birth imo.

24 - Many women have had more than one child. No man that's ever been kicked in the nuts has thought they would like to do it again, possibly numerous times. As a side note, I'm sure I read somewhere that childbirth is an amnaesic form of pain so women don't recollect just how painful it was. I have no way of knowing if that's true or not.

If that's how it feels to you, then childbirth would be no worse. You can always make something hurt worse. For example, torture. Worse than childbirth.

Men, imagine pushing a football out of your ass or getting kicked in the nuts. Personally, I am gonna go with taking the nutshot.

148 - that's really random... And pointless to the discussion.

No, it isn't. Women push a baby out of their ****** so men should try imagining a football (rough size of a baby when compared to size of anus) exiting out of said anus to imagine childbirth. It was quite relevant, and showed my opinion on the topic. You just failed to notice it

"24 - Many women have had more than one child. No man that's ever been kicked in the nuts has thought they would like to do it again, possibly numerous times." To be fair, most women don't enjoy the actual giving birth part. It's the after part (bringing a brand new human life into the world) that makes it worth the pain. No man would want to get kicked in the balls multiple times because...well...what's the point? You don't get a baby at the end of it. Just pain. If babies were created through men being kicked in the balls, then of course men would do it multiple times. Just like women chose to have their vaginas stretched an torn for babies.

The "research" they used was complete bullshit, the compared it to being 40 something times more painful than giving birth and breaking tons of bones(?), which is ******* bullshit. I know a person who got stomped on the crotch, it hurt but he managed to get up 5 minutes later, it's nowhere near as painful. There is a machine that shows guys how painful it is to give birth, 30 seconds into using it they were in screaming agony (and tears maybe) and asked for it to stop.

OP, at least you grew some balls to break up with her but sadly those balls are gone now ;)

Allow me to rephrase for you. "Hey, at least you finally grew the balls to break up with her! Too bad they're gone now..."

BeforeItWasCool 12

Sure, it's painful, but they don't disintegrate with impact...

Hopefully she runs and never comes back. She sounds borderline psycho.

SmittyJA24 26

Nothing "borderline" about it... she's a full-fledged badge-wearing psycho-bitch!!

You cant know that. Maybe the OP should try and talk to her about her abusive behavior, try and work it out, find out whats wrong instead of just dumping her..........if he really loved her in the first place.

nisey3313 11

You wouldn't be saying that if he was the abusive one

Quiet_one 22

If the abuse is bad enough that he just wants her out of his life, chances are just 'talking it out' isn't going to change anything- if he can even get her to discuss it at all. If by some miracle he did manage to get through to her, it probably wouldn't last long. Most abusers won't ever change because they either refuse to see a problem with what they're doing or they don't care.

Yeah, would you be saying that if he was kicking his girlfriend's ****** for trying to leave him? "Oh if you really love him, you'll figure out why he attacks you." Bullshit.

Why should the OP stick with the relationship if he doesn't want to? Why should he stay in an abusive relationship on the off chance the girlfriend MIGHT change her behavior? You can't change a person unless they want to change themselves. And even then, the change is going to be gradual. It isn't going to happen overnight. It might take months or years to change certain behavior, because that person considers their negative behavior "normal". In the end, we are living our lives for ourselves. We come first. And if the OP thinks it will be best for him to leave, then that is the right decision. It isn't his responsibility to "fix" his girlfriend's abusive behavior, or to stick with the relationship to prevent hurting her feelings. She is physically (and probably mentally) hurting the OP and obviously doesn't care, so why should he care about her feelings? He has already addressed her abusive behavior and she KICKED HIM IN THE BALLS in response. Why the hell SHOULD he stay with her after that?

Exactly, why should OP hang around to help some violently abusive girl change herself? If she really loved him, she wouldn't physically abuse him. Would you encourage one of your female friends to stay in a relationship with an abusive man, to the point that you actually guilt her a bit: "oh yeah, but if you really love him, you'll help him change his ways and stop assaulting you..." Yeah... no.

68: **** off. If she kicked him in the balls for breaking up with her, that's more than enough proof that he's better off without her. I wonder, would you have the same attitude if a woman broke up with her boyfriend for being abusive and he punched her? I doubt it.

Like 1 said, do something about it. Her being female does not excuse her from the reprecussions of abusing a partner.

So many girlfriends gonads on the OPs balls these days that my puns are all dried up... What a dick-move on her part, now my jokes are worth pea-nuts.

I can hardly ballieve you are still going on with this mate. You're nut funny. Try sticking to the tried a true jokes that have stood the testecal of time and semented their spot on FML.

Your hate is just gonna sperm me on; I'm 'nad stopping and nothing cums between me and my puns. I don't care what the pubic thinks, I scrote what I scrote and I have no regrets.

At least you are using tried and testes puns now.

Oh dear, someone already made that joke. That's scrotally and utterly lame.

**** give up now guys, these puns are getting old! Cum on its not funny anymore, it's unbelieva-ball

Thank you for bringing it to our attention. I like your spunk!

jjohnson26559 1
perdix 29

The truth hurts, doesn't it? Usually that applies to the person hearing the truth, but in this case, it seems to apply to the teller even moreso. At least, you didn't have to give a phony reason like, "It's not you, it's me."

I'm glad you were able to break up with her. Now you can find someone who doesn't hurt your nuts. Sad when you need to wear a cup to say you don't want to be with someone. Do not go back. Best thing to do is find someone who respects you and won't kick you in the jewels.

I would always wear a cup simply because a lot of girls tend to get emotional and you never know what they might do.