Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML
Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML
Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
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Top comments
ILoveEggnog 7
I always do it in the model kitchens.
techweed 12
They may be a lot of no smoking signs, but there ain't no no masturbating signs. Happy Fingers!!!
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Comments (179)
ILoveEggnog 7
I always do it in the model kitchens.
Lanceeden 12
'No honey, I don't think that's caulking.'
Sammiches 12
OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD!
flockz 20
you rang?
yamatelle 19
More jerking, more doing. That's the power of Home Depot. That sounds really wrong.
thisisafunnyname 12
He probably thought since it was a model bathroom, there would be supermodels there. He probably got such a huge boner while waiting for them that he couldnt wait anymore. So really it's your fault for not clarifying what kind of model bathroom you meant.
evildemonchild 18
LMFAO I'm sorry but kudos for you xD! Number 36 xD!!!
homieskillet 0
Must have been awkward, imagine the other guy's pov...
enonymous 9
I usually ask for a shop vac and some alone time at my Lowes. Never had a problem
Damn_Hippster 11
Next time he should try it when no one is looking!
exleonhart 0
67- I hate you so much. :(
doctorwhogirl 0
latest fml, I was just harmlessly scratching my balls at home depot when some guy working there threw me out.fml
zombicidal 11
Its a girl 101 yeah that's right this fml just got a lot sexier que porno music
Dontstealmyname 11
Is Home Depot something like IKEA? Cause if it is, they sure do have some nice model bathrooms.
hinchkongfang 0
Oh yeah, home depot! So exciting! Oh! Home depot! Yeah! Oh yeh!!!
mickmac 0
Anonymous FTW
thegr8destroyer 0
I work there! Not at this one though. Thankfully.
enonymous 9
130 thank you for showing me the ladies room.. Can you please give me a MTV like cribs walk thru!?
AunteyN 4
Are you serious???
chane1100 6
#110 **** or GTFO.
zombicidal 11
I'm a dude 142
cloudiarose 5
you dont know what home depot is??!??!?!?!?!?!?!? WOW.
techweed 12
They may be a lot of no smoking signs, but there ain't no no masturbating signs. Happy Fingers!!!
DrDilllonReese 12
Very true. Next time try making a creative sign with a line through a stick guy masturbating saying, "If you think you're doing this here, beat it." Something along those lines.
JenDanielle917 13
Shane's mom, FTW.
iislix1ii 19
Wait so the sign is suposed to encourage that? I mean beating it in public...
aceman1992 9
Luckily though, masterbaiting in home depot is frowned upon. Like masterbaiting on a air plane.
DrDilllonReese 12
76- That was a pun. A real pun.
ecm1999 0
oh, shane dawson, you dirty son of a bitch
Rabidkid 14
"it's not illegal, only frowned upon...like master bating on an airplane."
HollyDolly660 8
DrDilllonReese, you sir are quite punny.
caity878 0
Yessss! Another shane dawson luver as i assume :))
DrDilllonReese 12
112- Why thank you, I try. Not that hard though. It's natural talent from my typing fingers.
cooljcool 0
You are my best friend now! Shane lover :D
whorerhorror 6
did you let him finish?
kathuzada 6
Did she help him finish?
mnblkjpoi 0
Blue balls.
exleonhart 0
74- that just gave me the weirdest boner :(
DerekBlaskie 6
The real question is what the **** did you too talk about on that awkward drive home..
Aim4thebullseye 4
Shoulda group jerked with him
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
No. That's just weird.
MattRoseen 12
No..
sonangedemusique 2
Op is a girl, moron.
cBlackout 13
Just like an airplane, right 77?
EvilPotato 15
4 shoulda not commented.
tannerparker16 0
I hope op didn't join in, her manager wouldn't have liked her jerkin around on the job
JaredxLikezxBoyz 0
Actually, I'm pretty sure that is illegal...
amanda_d95 9
That must have been fun
exleonhart 0
Or really f'in gross! :(
iknowimawesome 13
Aren't the models open from one side? To display it to the public...?
m0tl3ycru3 0
Kinky o.0
The_Instigator 11
He was advertising for them. "A restroom so nice, you just cant wait to **********!"
SnailJamsss 6
You have eye boogies.
chuymac 3
You are right, those are some malignant looking eye boogies. Haha, malignant such a funny word:)
iknowimawesome 13
The eyeliner got in my eye :P
legresley85 1
so funny. I bet that was pretty embarrassing for both of you.
Blackmail111 9
His internet must've been out so he probobaly came (no pun intended) to ********** to the catalog
xAttackAttackx 25
Yeah. Of course, because the catalogs in Home Depot are such a turn on.
vipirius 18
Maybe he's just into that kind of stuff. I mean there are some pretty freaky fetishes out there lol.
Blackmail111 9
If the tools at home depot don't give you a hard on then you're 1.Gay 2.A girl
Listerinekiss_fml 7
He probably couldn't hold it in any longer and needed to relieve himself all over
DocBastard 40
You sound like a jerk. Get off the kid's case. Come on, give him a break.
Blackmail111 9
hah was that a pun?
Blackmail111 9
hah was that a pun?
amanda_d95 9
Obviously
captainbj2 0
I'm with the writer of the fml...there is a time and place for that, and that isn't one of them. Good for the guy for kicking the stupid ass out! I wouldn't have wanted to see that!
eltunas 5
Ha! It was a girl.... Just saying.
DocBastard 40
Blackmail111 - jerk? Get off? Come? Do I need to spell it out for y...wait, I already did.
every1luvsvag 10
Yes, you're ******* back.
HideouslyHuman 10
I thank you for putting my thoughts into a comment form guy above me.