Miscellaneous: Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times... - FML

By mathhhh - 26/02/2010 17:57 - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 045

You deserved it 38 309

Scratch that itch

Anxiety

Family heirloom

By haveahappyperiod - 04/10/2013 09:39

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 020

You deserved it 4 709

I can't see for miles and miles and miles

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 05:00

Today, having my hands full with dog leashes, I hooked a lamp to my jacket to find my way in the dark. The first time I bent over, it fell, burst open and spilled its batteries, so I had to go back and get another flashlight, whose batteries promptly started to fade once I was trying to reassemble the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 126

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 013

You deserved it 5 851

By garfwebba - 03/01/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 406

You deserved it 6 594

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 988

You deserved it 3 924

By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 34 976

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 15:44 - United States - Craig

Today, I am so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 769

You deserved it 5 311

By thewrittenrebel - 28/10/2014 07:40 - South Africa - Bellville

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 302

You deserved it 5 859

Teenage narcs

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 05:00

Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have 2 teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 133

Extreme phobias

By Calimero0 - 11/08/2020 17:02

Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 946

By UhOhhhh - 08/09/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 806

You deserved it 4 285

By Chelsea - 20/07/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 182

You deserved it 85 036

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 157

By very punny - 03/09/2014 03:18 - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 540

You deserved it 6 397

Weird movie choice

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 00:01

Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 304

By yuuupyup - 18/04/2012 00:55 - United States - Somerset

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 368

You deserved it 2 032

Don't hate the player…

By Jpaylay - 12/08/2021 14:00 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my brother bamboozled me out of 20$. He's 12 years-old, and I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 714

By jordan.marie97 - 09/08/2015 06:27 - Australia

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 711

You deserved it 1 664

Swiper No Swiping!

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 924

You deserved it 289

By TheComedyAudio - 25/02/2018 01:30

Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 433

You deserved it 852

By Anonymous - 24/02/2015 15:10 - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 074

You deserved it 2 944

Relatable

By ariana - 08/03/2021 21:30

Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 181

Jot that down

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 02:00

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 924

By dentistvictim - 16/10/2009 07:27 - Norway

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 695

You deserved it 2 695

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 943

You deserved it 50 378

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 21:54 - United States

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 403

You deserved it 3 466

By forgotten - 21/09/2010 22:16 - United States

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 063

You deserved it 7 407

By ugadawgs09 - 02/11/2011 04:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 361

You deserved it 14 157

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 08:25 - Australia - Aspley

Today, for my birthday my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 307

You deserved it 3 371

By ElleSavage - 26/05/2018 01:30

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 724

You deserved it 257

By Timeless - 24/02/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 179

You deserved it 55 792

By wtfisgoingon - 28/04/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 220

You deserved it 3 657

By thanks, cunt-o - 01/03/2014 17:23 - Australia - Blackburn

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 139

You deserved it 4 111

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Spicy

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 739

You deserved it 40 287

By Hackmanjones - 13/06/2009 14:42 - Canada

Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 318

You deserved it 4 801

Jesus saves!

By that’s just gross - 20/06/2021 13:01

Today, I’ve always tried to be understanding that my girlfriend grew up very poor and is therefore extremely frugal. However, I finally had to draw the line when she flipped out on me for throwing out her respooled used dental floss and buying another. It was 98 cents for a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 72

By greatly disturbed - 07/03/2015 19:09 - United States - Elk Grove

Spicy

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 534

You deserved it 4 354

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 22:46 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, while at work I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending 2 hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 120

You deserved it 1 238

By Anonymous - 12/04/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 258

You deserved it 1 025

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 069

You deserved it 52 897

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doink 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:04

You were probably tired. it happens to the best of us. I once absentmindedly asked if an airplane was 50 miles long.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:06

not anymore ur not

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doink 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:04

You were probably tired. it happens to the best of us. I once absentmindedly asked if an airplane was 50 miles long.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:07

Lol agreed, we all make stupid mistakes like that on tests, still a funny story though

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:13

haha hilarious

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:18

IDK what they will say, but / this. Im betting they will be right.

afarr 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:19

You get points for that? Hmmmm, i guess YOUSUCK isnt right.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:30

lol

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:40

Agreed with #1. We all have our days!

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:56

Not necessarily true... depends entirely of the professor. I had a few professors with an "all or nothing" kind of grading scheme.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:58

B'jaysus! I thought I was bad at maths!

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:05

B'jaysus. yea, Ireland. slang. etc lol ;)

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Saturday 27 February 2010 2:29

I sometimes think 5 times 5 is ten

PentiumBawls8 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 4:17

Yup. Those self absorbed bastards with the do or die grading mechanism.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 5:04

dumb ass

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Saturday 27 February 2010 6:48

hahaha that's funny but I say stuff Like that all the time Too! lolz

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Saturday 27 February 2010 11:29

lol yeahh 86 same. I would probably do something stupid like that 2 coz I suck at maths.

everydayisfml07 3

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Saturday 27 February 2010 16:18

agreed. mistakes happen, but you probably felt extremely stupid: so fyl /: by the way; j just lost the game! >.<

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Saturday 27 February 2010 17:59

#50 FTW

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Monday 1 March 2010 3:24

so a math major is being asked what 5 x 2 is on a quiz?Hmmmmmm

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Sunday 7 March 2010 8:33

this is what my teacher calls a sme. or silly math error

llScarlFacell 0

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Monday 3 May 2010 0:11

146, it could have been part of and equation or something.

NonExistentCok 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 20:22

just a mistake u were probably tired and maby confused 5 wiv 10

thatgingerkid 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 10:23

Were you confused when you attempted to spell " maybe"?

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Tuesday 14 May 2013 22:22

Tired or stressed: i once answered that 2x3=5 in a math exam because i was so stressed i read the x as a +...

TheAtheistChild 10

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Tuesday 22 July 2014 22:14

Huh, I just use one of my many calculators.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:05

It's just a careless mistake, you couldn't have missed too many points off...not really an FML.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:21

^ I completely agree. Mistakes happen, but it's not that serious. YDI, OP. :)

Pearljammer001 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:22

bye bye fml community, I am going to a place far from normal civilization, and wifi....

boopityboppity 11

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:34

Bye bye, pearljammer!

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Saturday 27 February 2010 10:12

I also agree with #2.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:06

not anymore ur not

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:12

#2 do you have the downs

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:13

#9 find some respect.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:07

ehh it happens

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:14

same #5 ahaha D:

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:08

lol haha

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:08

ra-tard

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:10

we're all stupid, don't sweat it. just hope prof. knows.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:14

maybe you just thought the two was squared?

chicken_lover 2

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:24

that would be 25.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:38

nope. two squared is four, times five is twenty. thanks for playing, please come again.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:39

2^2 is 4. 4x5=20

boopityboppity 11

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:57

I believe chicken_lover interpreted the comment as the 2 being superscript to the 5, thus making 5^2 and resulting in 25. I could be wrong, but I think this is just a failure in communication.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:11

thanks for clearing that up, bopps. now that i think about it, you're probably right. xP

boopityboppity 11

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Saturday 27 February 2010 1:21

Anytime. Oh, yay, I have a nickname! bopps... It has a nice ring to it.

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Saturday 27 February 2010 13:52

no like 2 squared is 4 then 4x5 is 20 because exponents come before in the order of operations

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:15

uhmm who's fault is that for doing drugs?

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:10

I think it's your moms fault for having such an ignorant child.

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Friday 26 February 2010 23:15

hahaha easy mistake :-( your teacher should have looked if you would have gotten it right if you didn't make that simple mistake and given you the points anyway

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 1

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 149