Intimacy: Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw...

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 01:28 - Canada

Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 829

You deserved it 3 951

Intimacy

Best teeth in the game

Management

I can't quit you

By ByeByeBlackberry - 07/09/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 712

You deserved it 57 148

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 21:28 - Italy - Genova

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 702

You deserved it 1 769

Nice try

By Journo - 27/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 029

You deserved it 4 998

By gabxoxo03 - 10/06/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 52 668

By Anonymous - 05/05/2014 21:03 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 123

You deserved it 18 310

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 05:44 - Australia

Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 932

By 1thapp3ns - 10/01/2010 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 2 989

By Gem - 11/02/2011 10:59 - Australia

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 504

You deserved it 27 269

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 3 458

By JAdams - 13/08/2012 00:49 - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 2 930

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 851

You deserved it 3 742

By Beeisc00l - 05/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 543

You deserved it 22 450

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 04:35 - Australia

Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 149

You deserved it 7 428

By Oxnar60 - 08/08/2016 18:19 - United States - Harwich

Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 126

You deserved it 1 958

By anonymous - 29/03/2016 22:50 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 047

You deserved it 1 681

By Kiddo - 02/09/2013 06:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 889

You deserved it 7 412

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 12:00

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 346

You deserved it 473

By lamesauce - 15/02/2009 10:32 - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 740

You deserved it 3 039

Unsociable media

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 00:01

Today, I'm a social media manager, and a client complained about having to put forward her personality to gain followers, also refusing to promote her works personally on camera. She's an actress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 73

By lonelyheart4ever - 13/08/2016 01:58 - United States - Norman Park

Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 253

You deserved it 1 441

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 11/02/2012 01:06 - Canada

Today, I watched "The Vow" with my girlfriend. When the movie ended, we walked out to the theatre's lobby, and I heard her mutter, "I deserve a guy like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 10 296

Grind mindset

By failedgamer01 - 30/09/2021 05:00 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, someone I work with embarrassed me in front of everyone in my job; because I wasn’t doing something the way she liked during our meeting this morning. I ended up crying in front of my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 135

You deserved it 3 064

By Byepax - 06/03/2015 14:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 052

You deserved it 45 517

By galen - 03/06/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 893

You deserved it 27 660

By hé merde - 23/02/2014 02:27 - France - Paris

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 906

You deserved it 4 978

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 856

You deserved it 4 456

By slightlyworried - 05/04/2013 05:28 - United States - Parker

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 068

You deserved it 3 321

By Enanimus - 25/09/2015 18:45 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 595

You deserved it 2 960

By Jon - 05/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 483

You deserved it 47 288

By Anonymous - 26/01/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 071

You deserved it 5 849

By Anonymous - 17/04/2014 23:24 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 682

You deserved it 4 117

By JacktheRussian - 08/04/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 932

You deserved it 42 294

Going nowhere fast

By Shewhoisprobablyafurry - 03/05/2020 02:00

Today, I have a massive crush on a fictional character. Who happens to be an ermine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 1 080

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 478

You deserved it 3 350

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 451

You deserved it 80 603

By Uh-oh - 10/11/2009 12:33 - Australia

Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 224

You deserved it 62 401

By Anonymous - 08/08/2013 20:20 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 877

You deserved it 5 027

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 3 361

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Top comments

squirell_AIDS69 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:54

At least it's first class vag, not that coach vag.

mehungie2 3

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:46

ummmmm. yeah. I'm terrified

mehungie2 3

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:46

ummmmm. yeah. I'm terrified

THEMTCHELL 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 9:03

don't be scared I'm always within ear shot

deliciouscake 3

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Saturday 18 December 2010 9:10

sounds fun. Life. Talk to me about life.

flyersfan365 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 9:36

don't you hate it when that happens.

I_R_Genius 3

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Saturday 18 December 2010 9:43

Better start liking fish tacos from now on.

v1kt4r 13

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Saturday 18 December 2010 9:56

Be glad its not coach where the person would have been seated right next to you

deliciouscake 3

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Saturday 18 December 2010 10:27

lol I was moderated for suggesting to join? well, still stands. unless she's fat. Life. Talk to me about life.

shanks19 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 11:34

how doing know she wasn't wafting in her own fart maybe she likes the smell of her ass?

VolcomTL 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 13:14

The fetishes people have these days..

tweetbaby14 18

Saturday 18 December 2010 13:57

I'm going to make a guess from the FML: she was in no way, shape, or form attactive. if I'm right, that sucks. if I was wrong, YDI (whether or not you're male or female).

varkey 7

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Saturday 18 December 2010 20:06

whether or not she was physically attractive, that is absolutely fucking disgusting. FYL... a lot.

bennyboy111 7

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Wednesday 22 December 2010 14:18

complain?

Sports_guy3 28

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 6:58

Oh that's nasty (Cleveland voice)

Doortje 29

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:46

That's horrifying :|

friedchickenpie 14

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Thursday 22 December 2011 7:08

Just give her a cunt-scented incense and it will LOOK normal at least, right?

ZoroFresh 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:46

that's sickening

accnrh 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:47

Did it smell nice

12596 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 21:16

they never do

NewSlang 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 6:32

I bet it smelled like flowers :-)

scottovious 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:47

mmmmm. vag!!! finger lickin good! maybe you can get some.

crazy_fool 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 3:15

Well it is a long flight ;)

cdatribe23 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:48

hahaha fun flight

mub_fml 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 17:06

yo so firme

Lurked 4

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:49

yummy :) did you like the smell?

unidentified_sta 5

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:51

Now that's hot. Offer to lend a hand or so on...

MoniV6661 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 6:22

Agreed! ;D

PFC_88 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:53

u should have said "mmm that looks like it smells nice can i smell?" planted ur face in her crotch and breathed deeply. pending on smell gagged or say "mmm mmm good"

icecreamdriveby 5

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Saturday 18 December 2010 10:40

Well thats disgusting...

BloodyHeel 8

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Saturday 18 December 2010 11:56

Well I'm aroused.

bizarre_ftw 21

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Friday 30 September 2011 2:52

^well that's the world for ya now a days

squirell_AIDS69 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 8:54

At least it's first class vag, not that coach vag.

pipipiyo 12

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Saturday 18 December 2010 9:23

lol try fox

haquai 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 10:22

oh squirrel aids, I love you

cthomb 0

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Saturday 18 December 2010 18:21

lmfao

bizarre_ftw 21

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Friday 30 September 2011 2:57

That's probably worse!!!! Think about all the types you'd find in first class!!! Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, a Kardashian, Britney Spears, Justin Beiber, etc..... I can tell ya Right now, first class vag probably smells So much worse than your average coach vag