The Top

LOL they definitely weren't lying when they said the internet could be brutal. First off, I have ten other tattoos and this is the first time something like this has happened. I take great care in all of my tattoos. I would like to think of myself as an incredibly clean person. Anal to a certain extent. I live with a very talented and successful tattoo artist. He too was freaked out waking up to ants in our bed. I didn't use anything scented. Just the typical A&D ointment. It was not infected nor did it get infected. It was just one of those crappy things that happen to people. I have had another tattoo since then and am happy to say there was no ant attack this time! But thanks everyone for your comments and likes! And for those that don't think you can see a tattoo in your future, please don't let this be the reason! I highly doubt this is a common occurance. Thanks again everyone and have a great day!

By Lauren - 20/08/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 722

You deserved it 4 185

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 750

You deserved it 3 080

Gratitude

By srsly_what - 28/04/2011 23:13 - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 977

You deserved it 3 543

By thunderthighs644 - 23/11/2011 03:21

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 364

You deserved it 11 884

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 533

You deserved it 11 874

By Anonymous - 03/09/2011 02:47 - United States

Today, my school is having their homecoming, and it seems everyone but me has someone to go with. My best friend has her boyfriend, my brother has a date, and I have my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 387

You deserved it 6 901

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I texted everyone in my phone to remind them mother's day is tomorrow. Everyone including the boy whose mom died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 966

You deserved it 81 673

By PrincessPromotion - 26/07/2014 16:29 - United States - Havertown

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 787

You deserved it 6 454

By sunil - 13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 642

You deserved it 9 931

By randomjulz - 16/06/2011 03:53 - United States

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 294

You deserved it 9 983

Assumptions

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry, it gets better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 887

You deserved it 3 102

I wanna see the referee's nose hairs

By LCDhell - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband bought a new 80-inch TV. Not only can we barely afford it, but it also blocks our doorways no matter where we put it. He refuses to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 906

You deserved it 4 139

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 790

You deserved it 5 159

By Anonymous - 10/06/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 330

You deserved it 50 322

By cheezmaster - 16/12/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 862

You deserved it 2 585

By offended - 07/04/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 51

By adogg18 - 29/05/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 313

You deserved it 15 438

By stuff2710 - 05/03/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 431

You deserved it 48 095

Home improvement

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 115

You deserved it 4 146

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 20:02 - Canada

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 984

You deserved it 18 053

By shit... - 05/07/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 950

You deserved it 23 817

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Weddings Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Music Drunk My ex Cops Gross Poopoo peepee Love Transportation Cars Relatable Bodyshaming Dating Crush Work Farts Money LGBTQIA+ Weird Cooking AITA Sex Health Family Vacation Intimacy Kids

The Top

Today, I showed my grandma my new septum piercing. Her only response was, "I hope it gets infected and your nose falls off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 022

You deserved it 4 810

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 246

You deserved it 2 760

Today, I was in the elevator with my boss when I accidentally let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 418

You deserved it 46 381

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 315

You deserved it 26 794

Today, it became apparent that telling your crush you like them isn't worth a response. I mean after all it's not like I'm sitting here not thinking about them and hoping for something to happen. No no, a simple "No thanks" is too much hard work for some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 403

Today, I went all out for my husband on our anniversary. I planned meals, took him to a stage show, and got him a bottle of cologne he loves. He was moody, distant, and at one point crying. Why? He found out his ex-wife is getting married today and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 86