The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Fake news

By sayno - 12/11/2010 11:06 - Switzerland

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 142

You deserved it 11 326

By cherry - 10/04/2009 09:43 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks, "Can I lick your leg?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 766

You deserved it 23 906

Queasy

By ohdeardarling - 14/06/2009 13:08 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else had left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 825

You deserved it 60 641

This is a robbery

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 20:02 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 245

You deserved it 3 078

Rule 34

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 15:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 5 220

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 480

You deserved it 5 848

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 112

You deserved it 5 909

By someone72 - 22/03/2010 23:20 - United States

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 58

By trainhump - 20/02/2010 10:54 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I took the train to work. There was an older man standing behind me. Everytime I tried to edge away from him, he edged closer. Everytime the train rocked even slightly, his crotch made contact with my behind. It was an extremely bumpy train ride. I could also tell when he became hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 316

You deserved it 3 052

By blacklove - 12/02/2010 20:19 - United States

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read, "It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 2 716

By soph511 - 30/07/2012 18:05 - France - Hyères

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 575

You deserved it 4 696

Life's a beach

By squishylog - 12/08/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 942

You deserved it 7 109

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 15:19 - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 665

You deserved it 15 932

Thanks, I hate it

By ken - 19/07/2011 07:40 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 465

You deserved it 3 608

Mixed signals

By PinkTornado - 17/03/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, after three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he said, ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 846

You deserved it 97 631

By tamponmayhem - 09/03/2009 19:30 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 205 959

You deserved it 15 427

You IDIOT

By A.L.Woody - 11/08/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 800

You deserved it 113 209

By louise - 05/01/2012 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 092

You deserved it 55 967

By Just Me - 26/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 651

You deserved it 4 079

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 940

You deserved it 7 518

By diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 861

You deserved it 23 203

By drbckflps - 18/12/2014 00:48 - Australia - Mount Gravatt

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 928

You deserved it 2 979

drbckflps tells us more.

drbckflps 22

Friday 19 December 2014 7:35

I haven't read all the comments yet but thank you for your condolences. This is indeed the grandmother of my son and no, she didn't take the holiday as a way of grieving - it was purely opportunistic. She wasn't even polite to us at the funeral: her words to me were, "In six months when I get back you'll have forgotten this whole thing ever happened." Very disappointing. Thank you all again. I'll reply again when I get a chance to read some more comments.

Meanwhile, in Westboro…

By maconda99 - 06/04/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looked at my nametag, then me, then turned to her daughter and said, "Because he hates God, honey". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 069

You deserved it 5 204

By libraries are a girl's best friend - 19/07/2013 21:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dad grounded me for swearing, after I read a funny comment on Youtube to my sister. The supposed swear word? "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 958

You deserved it 35 615

By Liz - 11/08/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 2 635

By Anonymous - 21/09/2010 22:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 995

You deserved it 3 980

By Tallow101 - 23/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 859

You deserved it 6 669

By FuckYouMotherNature - 07/08/2013 06:51 - United States - Merced

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 338

You deserved it 17 718

By Dom - 26/05/2012 21:35 - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 179

You deserved it 3 302

By lowlife123 - 01/05/2012 03:01 - United States - Manawa

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 997

You deserved it 7 446

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, after a nasty fight with my military husband, which resulted in mandatory marriage counseling, he told me we needed to talk about the fight. Not talk it over and apologize; talk it over so our stories are consistent when we see the therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 207

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 766

You deserved it 1 007

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 316

You deserved it 4 721

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 074

You deserved it 3 513

Today, yet again. my boyfriend told me I'm getting fat, even after I told him to stop and that it's affecting my mental health. I had an eating disorder previously, and now I'm thinking about going back to just eating an apple a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 231

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 738

You deserved it 3 988