Work: Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush...

By StudMuffinette - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35144

You deserved it

2960

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Work

Season finale

Whatthefuckaburger

Added flavor

By Jack W. - United States

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

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22963

You deserved it

2093

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7036

You deserved it

50641

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By ClosetMishap - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32610

You deserved it

4555

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By Krystl - Australia

Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11815

You deserved it

2102

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By Deidle-dee - United States

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40719

You deserved it

4657

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By fmlfmlfml - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

96733

You deserved it

251330

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32024

You deserved it

6018

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By [email protected] - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25580

You deserved it

8210

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By Anonymous - Canada

Not how it works...

Today, my classmate told me she can copy an article from the internet and hand that in, as long as she cites it at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4927

You deserved it

401

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27978

You deserved it

5398

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34847

You deserved it

3062

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By thatonekid - United States

Today, my dad texted me and told me "I love u." I answer back with "I love you too dad...are you drunk?" and he answers back "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69921

You deserved it

5158

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48625

You deserved it

6902

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By unashamed - Australia - Ipswich

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45950

You deserved it

4712

Favorite

By sarah - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35954

You deserved it

5130

Favorite

By run4fun - United States

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11811

You deserved it

48955

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35608

You deserved it

2417

Favorite

By caughtorangehanded - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20801

You deserved it

46140

Favorite

By alikat - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20157

You deserved it

44459

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By bees - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36960

You deserved it

2698

Favorite

By josh - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27534

You deserved it

4079

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By Ad-s - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11396

You deserved it

22718

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46752

You deserved it

15144

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By roxyriley - United States

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25586

You deserved it

4057

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By it'sabitwindy - United States

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of 'Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25472

You deserved it

3147

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By FML - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59630

You deserved it

10145

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By This Guy - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33326

You deserved it

2520

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By mugged - United States

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40166

You deserved it

4696

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By Sleepless Dreams - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9015

You deserved it

676

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33603

You deserved it

15137

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50907

You deserved it

4514

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By Anonymous - United States - Wauseon

Today, a police officer stopped me and told me he got an anonymous tip that I was going to kill myself. I wasnt. Protocol says he had to bring me straight to a hospital where I explained that someone was messing with me. nobody listened. Now I have a hospital bill for $2,250. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3561

You deserved it

156

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By forgotten - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36137

You deserved it

2645

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that my building never received my rent check. Now not only do I have to pay a $40 late fee, but also a $40 fee to stop the payment of the check that went god knows where. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28278

You deserved it

3129

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By Username - United States

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29522

You deserved it

11128

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By fartypants - United States - Winter Park

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32980

You deserved it

4384

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30787

You deserved it

6839

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By liver - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31772

You deserved it

3572

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44296

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 23:01

Looking good

Today, I was at a grocery store buying ice cream after the tragedy of losing my grandma. When I got to the cash register, the cashier saw the sadness in my eyes and said, "It's OK, you'll find the one someday, one that can look at your inner beauty and not care about the rest." He thought I'd got broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

904

You deserved it

128

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Top comments

By StudMuffinette | 17

#2926123 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:35

finally my fml gets posted :D

By speshlk37 | 13

#2926097 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:34

tell her to "shave this..."

COMMENTS

By twiride | 12

#2926075 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:33

first(:

Asura09 | 0

#2926125 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:35

well done, you have no life...

SuckItTrolls | 7

#2926138 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:36

Get moderated 1

StudMuffinette | 17

#2926164 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:38

4- agreed

By speshlk37 | 13

#2926097 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:34

tell her to "shave this..."

littlemissFYL | 5

#2926235 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:43

i mustache you a question, but i think i'll shave it for later :3

WCARlover | 34

#2926335 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:49

21 that was pretty awesome:) I feel any comments after that will not surpass the quality of yours so I'm not even going to try to say something clever

NeatNit | 32

#2926361 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:51

What's the problem OP? Charge for both!

Docbee | 11

#2926395 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:53

21 I beard you to say it now or forever keep your peace. 0.0

nixter5 | 18

#2926467 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:02

21 you're SO punny!!!

littlemissFYL | 5

#2926517 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:08

*43 umadbro?

rebel128 | 5

#2926700 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:32

ok but I warn you eyebrows google

rebel128 | 5

#2926713 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:34

that was at 21 btw

monkeys1315 | 0

#2926892 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 4:09

21, haha my boyfriend has a shirt that says that.

dolphincheddar | 10

#2927154 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 4:54

pics or gtfo

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2927252 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:06

hey i just gotta say yur my fav commenter!

OffTJHook3r | 2

#2927288 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:11

After 3 days that is when he finally spoke two words and those words were spoken to me "vagina boob". -red Aka cleavland

Jennifra | 0

#2927351 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:20

Not to be a know it all, but if a dog is that severely matted you are supposed to shave it!

Jakaroo | 0

#2927366 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:21

iPoopMusic | 0

#2927526 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:43

92- tits*

Sirin_fml | 46

#2928058 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:56

We moved them to YouTube, because that's where begging for thumbs up belongs. :-)

zuzupetalsYO | 11

#2928376 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:57

she's still paying for the brushing. I hope you know this.

Tjack_atack | 0

#2928419 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 8:05

haha

dre_bro11 | 12

#2930208 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 14:37

107, not necessarily. What's wrong with the way OP did it (apart from the fact that the owner then wanted it shaved), it still got the knots out.

nixter5 | 18

#2931238 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 17:42

47- Nah I'm not hatin! I got love for everyone! especially you now. icwatudidthere.

By StudMuffinette | 17

#2926123 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:35

finally my fml gets posted :D

daisyloo | 7

#2926155 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:37

Congrats!

okpmed | 0

#2926158 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:38

Ugh, I did grooming during college. I hear you, that would've pissed me off too. People can be so retarded.

Susieee_Q | 9

#2926221 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:42

This is probably the first time I've EVER seen an OP comment on their FML. I was beginning to wonder.

BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#2926266 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:45

same here I was wondering if it ever happened.

xleanne_aLly | 23

#2926383 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:52

no, i seen two other OP comment on their fml's :p. lol

HU4L188 | 0

#2926544 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:11

3- shouldve told her to come back tomorrow or pay for both

campana1024 | 0

#2926761 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:45

thats your job so stop complaning

puny74 | 0

#2926765 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:46

Holy sh!t 38 ur pic moves when i scroll down!
(^?^)

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2926850 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:59

yur that young and yur bringing yur own dog to the vet? i say its more of like your moms fml or sumthin ahaha jk jk not trying to be an ass :) sorry about that booboo

ericwashere | 0

#2926853 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:59

you said to ask if anyone has questions so why are half the people on here born in 95?

kaykay20 | 0

#2926935 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 4:17

It's my second time seeing a op comment their post. It's very rare

KiddNYC1O | 20

#2926942 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 4:19

20 & 23- Stick around...

alphabetsoup96 | 0

#2927077 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 4:39

she clearly said "I was at work"

Person1233 | 12

#2927196 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:00

I've commented on my two FMLs...

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2927201 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:01

omg! ireaditwrong! i feel like a douche so sorry!

redbluegreen | 40

#2927244 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:06

OPs comment all the time. I don't know where you lot are getting your information.

OffTJHook3r | 2

#2927255 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:07

Lmfao it does 8-)

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2927261 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:08

yeah well youre ugglyy

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2927276 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:10

thumbs down if yu think im pretttyy!!

FruitSalad4225 | 0

#2927400 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:24

I think you got trolled IRL.

miamiheatfan56 | 0

#2927457 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:32

103- You forgot to put the word obnoxious (my apologies if that word is too big for you) after "pretttyy!" No worries though, I knew what you meant so I thumbed you down anyway! You're welcome.

DeepDownThere | 3

#2927497 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:39

Fuckin New Kids

alexistheboss365 | 0

#2927679 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:04

high five!!

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2927715 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:08

lol 103 got 15 thumbs up >.< instead of downs but I think ur ok looking :p

grapisy | 8

#2927731 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:10

Props to everyone who thumbs-upped 103.

Imgonnahaveabf | 9

#2927738 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:11

Nahh I think 102 meant to put desprate.. If only it was possible to put 2 thumbs down...

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2927807 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:22

well thats not nice...

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2927831 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:25

125- aw thanks!

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2927963 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:42

where did my comments go!

TheRealSIDeal | 1

#2927984 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:45

lucky......

Sirin_fml | 46

#2928070 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:57

We moved them to YouTube, because that's where begging for thumbs up belongs.

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2928082 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:01

forreal!

YayorNay | 8

#2928144 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:12

Yeah forreals

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2928184 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:19

yu cant do that

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2928198 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:21

i didnt give yu my permission

KaySL | 24

#2928227 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:25

I give you my permission to just STFU already, Madi.

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2928300 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:36

george lopez marathon everybody! and take that fake pic of yur just a wannabe sexy

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2928312 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:38

i meant off

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2928320 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:40

im going to put up a different picture

J1hill33 | 12

#2928374 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:57

151 your bio says do whatever so no one needs your permission

whitesox365 | 0

#2928384 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 8:00

God, how I wish there was a font for sarcasm...

vabeach94 | 0

#2928403 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 8:02

naww.. it's an opticle illusion..

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2928478 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 8:17

150- Try telling "You can't do that." to Casey Anthony.

dre_bro11 | 12

#2930222 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 14:42

Wow 143. I've never seen anything like you before... it's like you're the only person alive with a negative IQ.

shannon1029 | 4

#2930386 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 15:28

how is that possible, you've only had one FML posted?

raijenken27 | 5

#2935534 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 6:31

iEatDinosaurs14 | 0

#2936789 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 10:45

haha yay I'm not the only one who noticed that :D

By LizzyTheCaliGurl | 0

#2926131 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:36

You should charge them extra for that!!

By JiggaJayZ | 16

#2926147 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:37

What a shihty job

WCARlover | 34

#2926626 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:22

I lol'd inside a bit when I read this

chili10 | 18

#2927542 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:45

how exactly do you laugh out loud inside a little bit?

xleanne_aLly | 23

#2927616 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:55

she's means, kind of laughed.

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2927725 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:10

122- when I click ur pic on my iPod it always change -.-

ChibiChibi_fml | 27

#2927937 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 6:38

It's not a matter of not understanding that part. The problem is that lol stands for "laugh out loud" do how does one laugh out loud inside? Laughing on the inside is kind of the exact opposite of laughing out loud.

alexistheboss365 | 0

#2928172 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 7:18

hi five!!

j2awesome | 0

#2930068 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 13:50

LOI- laughing on the inside.

By BaconDave | 12

#2926152 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:37

Make her pay...

littlemissFYL | 5

#2926276 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:45

literally. in total that will be $30.00 along with revenge, so in total that will all add up to...$30.00 ;-)

BaconDave | 12

#2927449 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:31

You could give her dog some chocolate. A lot of chocolate.

cimh | 9

#2928674 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:04

Why should the dog suffer? Chocolate is poisson for dogs!

dre_bro11 | 12

#2930230 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 14:45

175, for real? Can you not read the sarcasm in 111's comment?

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2935336 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:55

24- u got xbox?

BaconDave | 12

#2939526 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:22

Are you flirting?

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2942626 - Thursday 21 July 2011 3:47

maybe (: nah just curious bc if she had xbox I would add her she wanted but see in her pic she has a ps3 :p

By Chickenfoot117 | 6

#2926159 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:38

Say she got what she asked for.

By woahwoahwow | 9

#2926166 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:38

You should just give it a trim. A horrible, ugly trim.

littlemissFYL | 5

#2926311 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:48

don't take it out on the puppyy:*(

woahwoahwow | 9

#2926455 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:01

Well, I highly doubt the puppy cares what his peers think of him.. so it wouldn't hurt the puppy. Just the owner, hopefully.

littlemissFYL | 5

#2926768 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 3:46

it's a proven fact that animals have feelings. if someone cut all of your hair off, I'm sure you'd feel embarrassed. gosh, I sound like an animal lover lol

woahwoahwow | 9

#2927576 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:50

They have feelings, yes. They desire affection, love, attention, and they remember pain and fright. But, they don't care about their haircuts.

shutterbug1190 | 14

#2929579 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 11:40

I have 2 shitz, and actually they do seem to act embarrassed if they get shaved to short. they act really funny and seem uncomfortable and tend to hide in warm places. I dont know, it's weird. just throwing that out there :)