Transportation: Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next...

By Carly_Michelle - Australia

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

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Carly_Michelle tells us more :

OK, yeah I posted this on the way home. I got home a showered instantly. Yes I am a minor. No I didn't take a drink from his beer, and I don't know why this got accepted. I am not an FML worker. Who gives a shit? If you didn't like it you didn't have to comment, or even read it. I really couldn't care less what you guys say, I just wanted to set some things straight. But yeah thanks for comments, so much! It only gives this FML more popularity. /End rant.

Transportation

BO Central

Walk on the wild side

Untidy

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

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By navyma - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML

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By Sleepless Dreams - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

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By Gunaditya - 23/4/2021 00:30

Drumroll please

Today, I was supposed to having the interview for which I'd been preparing for the past week. I join and 5 minutes later, some guy joins, just to tell me that there's been some technical issue and the interview will be rescheduled. FML

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By jshibbz0993 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemon Grove

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

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By Anonymous

Thanks for all the help

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

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By mcase - United States - Compton

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

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By unemployedaussie - Australia - Perth

Today, I was fired because my boss found out I had been looking for a new job. Then, I got a call from my only job prospect, saying I was overqualified and too young to work there as a waitress. FML

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By kingmetal42 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

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By fucking hell my eyes burn - Germany

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

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By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

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By kb - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 00:30

Man of mystery

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

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By Dana - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

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By Leyla - United States - Franklin

Today, my boyfriend and I respectfully asked my landlady if he could stay with me until he gets back on his feet. He was robbed at gunpoint in his house last night. Landlady then yelled because we aren't married, and then showed up at my door at 10pm, "just making sure John isn't here". FML

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By Dog Person Now

Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 14:01

Love knows no boundaries

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

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By LunaCrow - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

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By uwbeautyqueen12 - United States

Today, I woke up on the floor after I fell asleep last night while counting my tips. The pennies stuck to my face and left large blue circles from the copper. The blue won't come off. I have my senior photos today. My appointment can't be rescheduled. FML

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By stonehengeva - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

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By caughtorangehanded - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the speaker I ordered from the distant country of America arrived. This is after it was held up by local customs, who demanded I pay no small amount for the import duty. Upon unboxing, I found out it was actually made in my own country. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

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By goodbye cruel world - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 02:01

Stalker vibes

Today, my ex-girlfriend got some new piercings and decided to show me. They are the exact same piercings that the girl I'm currently seeing has. I'm starting to think she's still keeping tabs on me. FML

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By pdnne - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

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By forgotten - United States - Phoenix

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

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By Tequila - Netherlands

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

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By babyfatt - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

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By TronCat8230

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Right place, wrong time

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

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Top comments

By Brittanyy | 0

#327308 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:09

Take a shower or change your clothes? Yeah.

By mexicansweetie48 | 0

#327322 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:11

ew.
just shower.

COMMENTS

By Brittanyy | 0

#327308 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:09

Take a shower or change your clothes? Yeah.

GR3453m0nk3y | 4

#327373 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:24

when you drink beer your sneeze would actually smell and taste like beer. dumbass

GR3453m0nk3y | 4

#327383 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:26

yeah rly. f**k-hole

normandin131 | 0

#327590 - Sunday 21 June 2009 21:48

Why do you think the OP lives with his parents?

By gymbug_13 | 0

#327309 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

misterman2 | 2

#329130 - Monday 22 June 2009 6:31

wow, learn to read. >_>

Kubomewmew | 0

#332563 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 7:28

her face man, her face

-_____-

MissSarcasm01 | 18

#5984968 - Monday 23 June 2014 0:07

When you sneeze you open your mouth. Thus, spitting out the beer. Get an education, dumbass.

By whyowhy26 | 3

#327316 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:09

I hate alocoholics ={ Hope your parents didnt freak out.!!!

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#329960 - Monday 22 June 2009 14:03

She was on a train. I don't think she would have spare clothes or a shower on the train.

By survivalism | 0

#327321 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:11

Take a shower, stupid.

By mexicansweetie48 | 0

#327322 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:11

ew.
just shower.

By borhos222 | 0

#327328 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:12

haha wow #2 (well second comment named #1) the guy was drinking beer before he sneezed

By smashyy | 0

#327338 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:15

Just go take a shower?
It's the easiest thing to do

By cjp767 | 0

#327347 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:16

wow. and now you have the H1N1 virus too.

By Silver_Lion | 0

#327352 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:18

this is one of those times where you say that you are dangerously claustrophobic and will vomit if they dont move.... well thats what i'd do =P

By whyowhy26 | 3

#327353 - Sunday 21 June 2009 20:18

# 7 LOL