Miscellaneous: Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5...

By RedLion23 - 03/11/2009 20:08 - United Kingdom

Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 177

You deserved it 2 904

Miscellaneous

You tried

Our house, in the middle of our street

Compromises

By nomoresbfun - 22/02/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 6 075

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 17:51 - United States - State College

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 849

You deserved it 4 082

By sigh - 24/01/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 2 495

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 009

You deserved it 5 858

By Anonymous - 05/05/2015 19:54 - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 866

You deserved it 3 611

By lizzie - 27/07/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 591

You deserved it 9 549

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 269

You deserved it 16 728

By Wowfmylife - 19/08/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 155

You deserved it 4 209

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 4 219

By thanxguys - 17/03/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 4 762

By awkwardsituation - 11/07/2010 08:05 - United States

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 917

You deserved it 4 807

By Dunnie - 22/08/2018 18:30

Today, my aunt was itchy down there and sent me to buy a vaginal cream at the pharmacy. The pharmacist was a cute boy and was flirting with me. I said I needed a cream and he asked what for. When I said vaginal cream, he stopped smiling, got the cream, and said, "Good luck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 459

You deserved it 235

By Anonymous - 04/05/2018 01:30

Today, while dropping files off at my boss's house, I tripped and fell into his fish tank. We both watched as a crack spread all the way across the glass and shattered, covering his carpet in fish and water. His only words to me were, "I'll see you at work tomorrow. Maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 332

You deserved it 585

By Ouch - 28/02/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 694

You deserved it 2 416

By sickly - 18/02/2011 13:06

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 435

You deserved it 4 327

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I punished my new dog for going potty inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 173

You deserved it 3 315

Like a virgin

By JustSomeGuy - 30/07/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 959

You deserved it 9 594

By Victoria - 12/07/2016 14:10

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 556

You deserved it 1 161

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 17:13 - United States - Antioch

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 129

You deserved it 2 314

By bribreeeeeezyfreshhh - 06/12/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 909

You deserved it 27 117

By Anonymous - 26/01/2014 05:10 - United States - Denver

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 160

You deserved it 5 454

By Brittany - 01/03/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 035

You deserved it 56 421

By Aberrombie Blue - 18/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Durham

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 806

You deserved it 14 090

By CD - 11/01/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 974

You deserved it 2 585

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 328

You deserved it 4 060

By cnd1213 - 30/12/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, I had to do my assistant manager's job because she doesn't know what the hell she is doing. I'd interviewed for this position but didn't get it because I'm "still too new for this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 973

You deserved it 1 337

By Anonymous - 23/09/2011 22:24 - Germany

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 4 955

By His name is now "Cunt" in my phone - 05/04/2017 14:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 907

You deserved it 381

Headphones are a health hazard

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 16:01

Today, only some excellent security footage stopped me being arrested after I bumped into a young girl while looking at my phone and her mother, an Uber Karen, accused me of sexual assault and an off-duty woman police officer tackled me to the ground before I'd even took off my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 103

By why?? - 24/05/2016 13:29 - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 515

You deserved it 1 346

By Deadbed - 04/05/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 594

By preggersss - 19/07/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 546

You deserved it 17 174

Kick the bum out, part 2

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Today, my fiancé thinks that the only reason I innocently asked him how soon he wants to have kids after we get married is that he thinks I'm racing to beat a friend or family member. Now I can't even be excited about starting a family with this man without having ulterior motives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 201

By fuckyou - 21/05/2019 06:00

Today, my girlfriend took me to see my favorite band live. Afterwards, we were lucky enough to run into the lead guitarist, who promptly asked her if she'd like to go back to his hotel room. She accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 819

You deserved it 185

By blue15564 - 26/09/2016 21:52 - United States - Davenport

Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 303

You deserved it 1 129

Great first day

By TordNorski - 03/10/2015 02:44 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes into training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 757

You deserved it 1 408

By Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 143

You deserved it 3 752

Considerate

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 017

You deserved it 42 552

By Grandzilla - 09/09/2016 04:10 - France - Ablancourt

Today, I got a call from my panicking grandmother. I asked her what was going on, and she explained that, “Godzilla doesn’t work.” Not really understanding, I asked her to clarify. “Yes, you know, Godzilla, to use the internet.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 704

You deserved it 1 144

By sarahmoon - 05/05/2018 01:30

Today, my date refused to pay for my dinner, even though he promised to beforehand. It turns out, he assumed I would just be ordering a salad for dinner, "based on your slim figure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 497

You deserved it 511

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Top comments

NotAlwaysFML 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:27

I doubt your life SUCKS because they forgot to send you a key that opens a guitar you've been saving up for 5 months. Anyone with common sense would call the company and they'll send you the key at no expense. The only thing that sucks is that you just have to be more patient and wait for the key to arrive.

sweetspicegirl 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:19

just call them and they will send you one duhh

DemonicAngel151 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

cackle 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:27

FYL for having to wait another week for them send a key! Oh my god, life sucks!! /end sarcasm

bugmenotmofo 34

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:36

Pick the lock.

GreenHacker 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:41

I had a friend who suicided for just this reason. It is a big deal. I mean, this is the guitar he had been saving up for, for 5 months.

ruben7467 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 4:24

Fake. Pic or it didn't happen.

youreanidiot 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 5:17

agree with number 9, no big deal at all... earlier this summer my $1,000 new windsurfing sailboard came beautifully packed and they forgot to pack the fin, so I *gasp* called them and they sent down the missing essential part. No big deal.

MagicMeds 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 5:50

heheh 17 an hero

A83_fml 18

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 14:45

never ever buy a guitar without having played it. (thus, don't internet-order it.) YDI for that exact reason.

bandaidface 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 22:06

Of the suicide? This is why you make your own comment, dude.

GreenHacker 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 23:29

What do you mean by of the suicide? Your comment makes no sense.

reyemrein 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 23:25

#1 says it all

whatevaaaa 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:17

well that's not good news to me.

rick_james_b17ch 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 8:13

Quite Obviously the OP is Dr. Farnsworth, but i didn't know he played a guitar.

Anteezy 7

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Friday 6 November 2009 20:25

Dr. Farnsworth would say good news everyone!

stpanimalcrulety 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 2:35

lolz dr.farzworth is oldd right now in my head all i can hear is "good news everyone" repeating

Noxic 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:18

I'm sure you'll get it out somehow.

bean_dawg 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:45

That's what she said!

HahaYDI 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 3:18

That was a good that's what she said.

dudeitsdanny 9

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 6:18

I usually hate when people say "that's what she said", but this one made me laugh.

sweetspicegirl 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:19

just call them and they will send you one duhh

YeahCourse 4

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Tuesday 8 May 2012 7:52

Not always, cuz if it didn't technically come with a key they might be trying to gip the guy who knows

A71689 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:20

Just call the company. DUHHHHHH.

lancaster355 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:21

You could probably get it opened without damage at a locksmith's. It'll cost you and the situation sucks, but you're not totally screwed.

sydefx 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:23

And this is FML why? They forgot to send you the key. Call a locksmith and have them make you a key. Or call them and make them overnight you a key at their expense for not shipping it to you in the first place.