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  TheDrifter  |  23

It seems that when op's mother heard that people were born gay she lumped it into the "genetic defect" category. Give her a day or two and the shocked denial should pass and you can try talking to her again.

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  downtime  |  12

132, Agree, people need to understand the difference between being raised to believe something and being deliberately offensive. There's the chance she's just in denial and grasping at straws to convince herself this isn't happening, but it sounds more to me like she just isn't well informed about how it all works. It sucks, but all of us will have some unfounded beliefs that one day we will struggle to change our views on. It doesn't make you a bad person or lacking intelligence, none of us will be experts on everything. FYL because it's a shitty situation to be in.

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Sexuality is more a spectrum then a binary anyways. Some people are more attracted to one gender vs the other, but only about 10% at each end would never under any circumstance like someone of the opposite gender they are typically attached to. Most people at some point exhibit some degree of flexibility/bisexuality... So labels are kinda pointless

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I don't think they are pointless. most people who say they're straight or gay say it because they either have no attraction at all for the other sex or it is *very* rare. I wouldn't walk arround saying I'm bi if I'm only attracted to girls the equivalent of a week during the year O.o

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  Meme1988  |  18

Its not about narrow minded, every mom wants her doughter to grow up and get married to a hansome (and smart!) guy... She should give her time to process this new info

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Perhaps narrow minded was the wrong word, poorly educated would have been better. However, I know that if I had a daughter or son who came out to me I'd be proud that they were brave enough to do. Besides, it doesn't really matter what the mother wants for her daughter. It's about what the daughter wants do herself.

By  Meme1988  |  18

Well, it is HARD to accept, give her time, and re-talk about it later.. I hope she will try to be more acceptable.. Good luck

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  Meme1988  |  18

Wow, people thumbing me down becuase simply i reminded them that the mom is a human too and needs time to understand?? And you think she is the only narrow minded one here?!

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  chellyX92  |  8

I'm thumbing you down simply because you are complaining about being thumbed down.

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  TrollPolice  |  0

I don't think many people on here really understand what being a parent is like. Parents have dreams too they want you to have kids and be with a handsome man. Not every parent is going to be cool with you being lesbian right away. It'll take time for them to understand, but they will understand eventually.

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  matthew3  |  2

No, clearly you don't understand. Great parents will tell their children that they want them to find happiness, whether that be with a man or women, it doesn't really matter.

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  gracehi  |  31

Sorry, but the mom likely always imagined her daughter having a big wedding and walking down the aisle with a man. Now that won't happen. She was probably also looking forward to having grandchildren too. Now that is in serious jeopardy too. Her vision for her daughter's life has just been turned on its head. It's understandable that she'd have difficulty dealing with it at first. The mom is just going about it in a particularly stupid way. BTW meme1988, I think the word you were looking for at the end was "accepting." That may be why you're getting thumbed down. Also, don't take thumbs down so personally.

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I'm thumbing you down because you used the word "acceptable" wrong. And like #79 said, she can still have a fancy wedding, children, the life her mother dreamed of for her (though it should really be about what the daughter wants), it'll just be with another woman. No big deal.

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  gracehi  |  31

Yes, she can still have a big fancy wedding, but with a bride rather than a groom. And yes, she can still have children, but likely through adoption or artificial insemination. Also, not likely what her mother had in mind. I'm not saying that OP's mom shouldn't accept and love her daughter regardless of her sexuality, but she requires some understanding and patience from her daughter in this situation.

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  HairyPunisher  |  27

I'm not a parent so I really can't say I know what it's like but I guess I always imagined that good parents support their children unconditionally with whatever will make them happy with their lives. That's initially why I don't buy the comments that we're being insensitive to say that OP's mom is having a hard time. I'm sorry but gay kids are being bullied daily so to hear the comments OP's mom made are not only disturbing but sad. I could understand needing time but she's being ridiculous.

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  gracehi  |  31

It's pretty obvious that the mom thinks that homosexuality is determined by genetics, hence her confusion. It seems to me that it's pretty prejudice to assume that the mom is homophobic or doesn't love her daughter simply because she's misinformed. Also, I doubt that, while she must be frustrated, that OP appreciates all these insults directed at her mother.

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  TheMathMajor  |  26

This is a little off topic, but 89, sexuality is partially determined by genetics, so OP's mom is somewhat correct in her thinking. I think the main issue is that she doesn't understand how genetics works (that the parents do not have to display a trait in order for the offspring to have it) as well as an ignorance towards the other conditions required for a person to be gay, like womb conditions. But just like some people have oncogenes that if turned on in specific conditions will give the carrier cancer, a person can have the right genetics for homosexuality but not show the traits (though the latter is much less understood than oncogenes and cancer).

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  gracehi  |  31

According to my formal education on this subject, sexual preference is determined by hormone levels in the womb, not genetics. New evidence may have surfaced since I took that course in college, however many people DO believe (perhaps mistakenly) that sexual preference is determined by genetics, so yes, I do understand why OP's mom might think that.

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Those hormone levels can be affected by the parents genes however... So there IS a genetic component, but not so direct as most think of it. Some families (ie my dads) can have a lot of strongly gay members... While others have virtually none (ie my moms), going back multiple generations. Also hormone variant in utero only explains male homosexuality in the studies I read.

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  gracehi  |  31

Yes, that's true. As far as I know, there is no scientific explanation for female homosexuality. I was reluctant to mention that, however, for fear that I would be called a homophobe by those who are less informed. Also, does your dad's family have a lot of boys? Surprisingly enough, male homosexuality is caused by unusually high testosterone levels in the womb, meaning that gay men are actually hyper masculine. The more boys a mother has, the higher the testosterone levels are in her uterus. Thus, the more older brothers a man has, the more likely he is to be gay. If your father's family has a lot of brothers, that might explain why there could be homosexual younger brothers.

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  TheMathMajor  |  26

I say that because I've heard of the study with the identical twins. In that study, if one identical twin was gay, the other was gay 70% of the time, while the regular chance of being gay while having a gay sibling is much less, including fraternal twins. That suggests that it is partially genetic in a direct sense. I haven't taken a course on that though, so I might be mistaken.

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  gracehi  |  31

173, as was discussed before, there is no conclusive scientific explanation for female homosexuality, therefore while there is a direct correlation between male homosexuals and hormone levels in utero, there isn't one for female homosexuals. This may explain why there is a higher occurrence of both identical twins being gay than there is fraternal twins being gay, since fraternal twins are often both male and female.

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  TrollPolice  |  0

41 - I never said that I just stated that it would take most parents more time to understand. For example if I was gay and I told my mom she would freak out for a while, but will eventually understand. But if I told my dad he would understand almost right away. Not all parents are the same.

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  TheMathMajor  |  26

I was under the impression that the study only includes males. I know that there is a lot more to be researched on this subject, especially for females, but I think it's important not to rule out genetics as its a viable possibility.

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  TheMathMajor  |  26

(too get back on topic) All that really doesn't matter, though, as interesting as it is from a biological standpoint. I hope OP's mom is genuinely confused and not just making an excuse in order to deny a big part of her daughter's life. Even if she needs time for it to sink in (which can be understandable if she's coming from a background of people who aren't accepting of LGBTQ people), it's not fair to defend her complete denial.

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  Bias_P11  |  4

89, it cant possibly be referring to genetics because homosexuality almost cannot possibly be a dominant gene (since this would make it far too common, and most of the world homosexual), and therefore, her mom doesn't need to be a lesbian to give birth to a lesbian even if sexual orientation is genetic.

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  apple_yahair  |  4

Ah... yeah! Every parent dreams of a "typical" future for their son or daughter but any decent parent wouldn't let on to their child how disappointed they are! Of course the parent is human and will find it difficult to come to terms with but that internal struggle shouldn't be shared with your child who's just come out to you. She should be ashamed of herself!

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  crammer1  |  6

Looks like the whole "born this way" argument backfired for OP. Who cares if gay people are born or made. The fact is they exist and should be accepted for who they are without trying to find a cause.

By  Meme1988  |  18

For those who is saying she is a narrow minded,Its not about narrow minded, every mom wants her doughter to grow up and get married to a hansome(and smart!)guy...She should give her time to process this new info

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  RinaRina  |  9

Untrue, i'm Bi. But my mother never said she wanted me to be with a guy, she wanted me to find love and be happy. I am with a guy, but she wouldn't mind a girl. Just as we shouldn't judge by race, neither should we judge by gender.

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  music_woman1  |  11

13 - exactly, sure they want grandchildren but there's always adoption and after getting used to homosexuality there really shouldn't be a problem. At the end of the day, as long as the daughter is happy, the mother's wish should come true, whether the daughter is with a man or woman.

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  Meme1988  |  18

I dont care if you thump me down or not, she needs time to process this info no matter what I/you say, so please do not give me the speach about how parents only want thier kids to be happy, because no one know how much a mother love her kids unless you have kids, and you want the best for them (best=every one has his own logic), she needs time!

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  chellyX92  |  8

Meme, what you are not getting is the fact she's denying what her child is. Parents should accept what and who their children are with out doubt with out judgement. That whole time to process thing is an excuse a parent makes when they don't want to deal with the matter at hand.

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  Michael_92  |  19

I agree with 26. Everyone has their own beliefs. Maybe the mom thinks he daughter should have been with a guy. We are no one to judge a person for what they think. Saying they should have happiness means many different things to many different people. I say just leave it at that.

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  MissMae93  |  23

37 - Because unlike 16, Meme is saying the mom wishes her daughter to marry a man, have grand kids, blah blah blah and speaks nothing of the mom wanting her daughter to be happy no matter what. Meme is being very narrow minded in my opinion by making such assumptions.

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  matthew3  |  2

I'm sorry, Michael. But their comes a time in life, when you need to worry about your OWN happiness and not grovel for your parents approval. Every single person on this earth has a right to be happy and if OP's mom doesn't like her way of happiness, well then that's her tough luck.

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  Michael_92  |  19

Did I SAY the mom won't come around? Did I SAY it's right. Did I SAY that's what I believe? Did I SAY she isn't entitled to her own happiness. Don't put words in my mouth. Of course she should be allowed to be happy and not judged. Cause in all honesty it isn't a big deal. We live in a world now that is accepting of all things. However we both know as mature people that not everyone is that way. If the mom really chooses to make a big deal about it and NOT then I say it's her loss.

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  Michael_92  |  19

Well you made it seem as if I am the bad one here that says flipping out like that is okay when I am not. I am not saying what she did was right. Just that everyone acts different to news, of any kind really.

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  Michael_92  |  19

Did I say the daughter should care? I think a few comments up I said her loss. As in forget the mother if she won't be accepting. The mom being accepting is not why I even commented. I in a general sense said everyone reacts to news differently. That's all I was getting at.

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  gracehi  |  31

You know, everyone wants the mom to be immediately and completely understanding of the daughter, but many of you refuse to show the same courtesy to the mother in this situation. First of all, given her reason for not believing her, the mother clearly doesn't hate gay people, but believes the myth that homosexuality is determined by genetics, rather than hormone levels in the womb. It's not fair to think she's not a caring mother simply because she's misinformed. Also, she probably did expect her daughter to marry a man. Now that won't happen. Also, she was probably looking forward to grandchildren, which now also might not happen. Her vision for her daughter's life has just been drastically alerted and that may take some time to get used to. I'm not saying she shouldn't love and accept her daughter regardless of her sexuality, but it's unreasonable to expect her to immediately be totally okay with such a major revelation. If she is then that's great, but it shouldn't be assumed.

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  DocBastard  |  38

The mother's reaction here is ignorant, though not necessarily biased or narrow-minded. It shows that she doesn't understand homosexuality, not that she hates it.

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  BubbleGrunge  |  18

I think you all are missing the point here. The MOTHERS plans for her daughters life have been altered? How many of you have actually followed through with your parents plans for your life? Or, did you take your life in your own hands and prosper in the ways you wanted to? The mother is ignorant, im sorry but this is true. Being gay is not a big deal, and honestly a homosexual can live the life a an straight person. They could still get married and have children. To the ones screaming invetro and other medical ways of getting knocked up aren't natural, than what about the heterosexual couples who can't have babies? If I ever want children i will have to travel a long road because I can't get pregnant. Does that make me against nature? Or a freak of some kind?

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  HairyPunisher  |  27

Meme1988, while we get your point, it's very apparent from the backlash of comments and thumbs down that the general FML community does not share in your opinion that OP is being insensitive to her mother's expectations that OP will "get married to a hansome(and smart!)guy" so honestly, you should just stop while you're ahead.

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  gracehi  |  31

No one said that OP should live her life according to her mother's plans. It's just that she likely assumed all her life that her daughter was heterosexual, OP perhaps even having dated men in the past, and now she must deal with a drastic change in the image of her own daughter. And yes, the mother is clearly ignorant when it comes to what causes homosexuality, but that doesn't mean she hates gay people or that she doesn't love her daughter, or that she won't eventually come around. I just think it's pretty nieve to think that every parent's immediate reaction to their child coming out will be, "It's great that your gay!" And that if that isn't their reaction that must mean that they're homophobic and an unloving parent. It seems to me that the mom just needs a better understanding of what causes homosexuality, and no, I don't think that makes her a bad person.

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  HairyPunisher  |  27

96, even if OP didn't expect an immediate acceptance from her mom, you can't tell me that OP's mom's response was even remotely normal or rational even to a shocked parent that wasn't expecting this.

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  nerdchic  |  5

Ahahahaha are you kidding? Just bc you don't have a child doesn't mean you can't comprehend their love - how stupid are you? The mom is probably some stupid Christian that's just uniformed. Op should be happy and her mom should accept her happiness. If they want grandchildren then adopt a child who is in need of a loving home.

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  gracehi  |  31

100, On the contrary, if you had read my comment carefully you would have noticed that I called the mother ignorant. I also pointed out, however, that being misinformed on homosexuality does not equal homophobia or being an unloving mother. It seems that OP just needs to educate her mother on what causes homosexuality, perhaps even presenting her with scientific studies on the subject, and then OP's predicament will be solved. I'd also like to say that, while I don't judge the mother as harshly as others here have, I know that her mother's reaction must be upsetting to OP.

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  randomhangul  |  4

103- being against homosexuality does not automatically mean OPs mom is Christian. making such assumptions makes you seem just as close minded (unless she is in fact misinformed) as OPs mom. why? because I am Christian and my best friend is a lesbian. I also have many Christian friends who don't hate gays. sorry world of FML I had to speak up, I hate that stereotype more than anything.

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  HairyPunisher  |  27

115, I reread your comments carefully and yes you do mention OP's mom as being ignorant. This has turned into a storm of comments and it's hard to see what was said and what wasn't. I guess to sum it all up, you're saying OP's mom is not a lost cause and that OP should try to help her mother understand more or less.

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  HairyPunisher  |  27

115, I reread your comments carefully and yes you do mention OP's mom as being ignorant. This has turned into a storm of comments and it's hard to see what was said and what wasn't. I guess to sum it all up, you're saying OP's mom is not a lost cause and that OP should try to help her mother understand more or less.

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  music_woman1  |  11

I don't understand why people are getting so worked up over this, it's one thing to show your opinion but it's another to keep hammering it in.. Just like it's one thing to argue face to face but another to do it on a website, with people you've never and probably will never meet

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  VooDooCarrie91  |  19

Look, that is totally untrue. I have two little boys and I am open minded enough to except whatever decision they make as long as they are happy. It's not about needing time to process. It's about being closed minded and backward thinking. It's a new age and people need to think in a new way. People are becoming more comfortable with teens having sex but no one wants to hear about someone being gay. That's not right at all.

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  gracehi  |  31

I, for one, am not comfortable at all with teens having sex. I wouldn't compare that to homosexuality. Anyway, maybe YOU wouldn't be stunned to find out that your child is gay, but not everyone is like you. Like I said before, OP's mom clearly doesn't understand what causes homosexuality and needs to be educated on the subject. It doesn't mean she's homophobic or doesn't love her daughter enough. That's quite an assumption you make.

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  gracehi  |  31

I, for one, am not comfortable at all with teens having sex. I wouldn't compare that to homosexuality. Anyway, maybe YOU wouldn't be stunned to find out that your child is gay, but not everyone is like you. Like I said before, OP's mom clearly doesn't understand what causes homosexuality and needs to be educated on the subject. It doesn't mean she's homophobic or doesn't love her daughter enough. That's quite an assumption you make.

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  HairyPunisher  |  27

159, you will be an amazing mother with that attitude. It's a shame more people don't think like you. And 162 I completely understand where you are coming from (sorry to get off topic from the FML) if you're uncomfortable with teens having sex, well I'm not implying you need to change but presuming you have or will have teenage kids, it's a topic that needs to be talked about or your kids will go horribly uneducated on safe sex. And assuming "my kids won't have teenage sex" is just not a reality.

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  gracehi  |  31

Of course I will talk to my children about sex! I will tell them, "It's best to wait until you're married, and if you can't do that, then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do yourself a favor and at least wait until you graduate high school. Birth control is never 100% effective, and you don't want a child or an STD when you're so young. Also, CONDOMS, CONDOMS CONDOMS!" I also think teenagers aren't emotionally or mentally prepared for sex, but of course I won't tell them that because they'll just say, "Oh, moooooooom... All the other kids my age are doing it! You're old and out of touch with the modern times! You just don't understand me! Waaaaaaaaaah!!!!"

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  nerdchic  |  5

122 - I live on the bible belt so excuse me for thinking that all Christians are insulting bigots. (grew up in a church and denounced my babtism for all your judgemental freaks) I hate it hear with no money to move. Majority of the "Christians" think homosexuality is an abomination. As Peter griffin says" if gays want to get married and be as miserable as the rest of us then I say have at it!" lol

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  randomhangul  |  4

all my judgmental freaks? who says I was staking claim to them? yes there are extremists but are there not extremists in anything you do? a real Christian, in my opinion, would know that the bible says not to forsake your peers and not to condemn other sinners. sorry if you are surrounded by people who believe differently but please don't generalize us all into one category. people who do that make me lose faith in humanity as a whole. don't let one sour Apple ruin images of innocent people it'll only make you look worse.

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