Intimacy: Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not... - FML

By gringa_Peru - Peru

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

TMI

Trip Advisor says no

By spiderfail - United States - Erie

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

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By dogpatch087 - United States - Ventura

Shout the victory

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

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By drivingmecrazy - United States - Stamford

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

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By sadgirl - Netherlands

Today, the only thing that cheered me up was a documentary about IKEA, and seeing how my furniture was made. FML

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By UnicornWaffles - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

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By Anoymous - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

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By Tucker - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

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By twinzies - United States - Chula Vista

Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

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By tmac - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

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By GK - Australia

Today, in my class I was nominated for the guy with the worst hairdo. I don't know what is worse, the fact that I was nominated or the fact that I felt let down when I did not win. FML

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By j0hn - United States

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

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By NotAnInLawFamilyMan - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

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By sdauner - United States

Today, I found a $100 bill on the ground and was thinking, "I'm so lucky!!" I opened my wallet to find that $300 was missing. I looked back and saw some guy picking up $300. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, we've hit day 4 with no hot water in my apartment. Today is also day 4 of the office insisting that the plumber is "on his way". My neighbor just got arrested for screaming at them. Looks like we'll be entering day 5 soon. FML

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By kysier - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

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By Lincoln - Australia

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

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By Pokemon problems - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

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By hairdresser - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

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By sneezer - France

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

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By alejandro38 - United States

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

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By Anonymous

My 21st birthday

Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML

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By Renée

Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house till after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML

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By not_relaxed - United States

Today, I returned from vacation. Because of rain, I spent 3 days sitting in a hotel room, watching a TV with bad reception. I'm now less relaxed that if I'd have just stayed home, because that wouldn't have cost me $500, and my TV has more than 15 channels. So much for my first vacation in 5 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

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By Darcy - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

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By random - United States

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

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By oh my soul

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

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By me - United States

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

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By KrazyKill - Canada

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

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By ew - United States

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

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By pissedinSwiss - Switzerland

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

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By owl + bungee cord - United States - Herndon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

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By Disappointed - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

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By racchhh - United States

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

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By Eric John Los - United States - Haydenville

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

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By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

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By Pandy1031 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

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By Distrusting

Today, I have gastro. I sent a text my husband: “It’s definitely a don’t trust a fart day, thankfully haven’t been caught out yet”, but accidentally text my manager instead. FML

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Top comments

By nodbor | 11

#121684 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

even dicks need a place to rest.

By Narsh | 0

#121686 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

How could anyone possibly say that you deserved this? FYL indeed.

COMMENTS

By dodger_fml | 0

#121673 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:14

damn.

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1179385 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 3:17

falcon punch!

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2918053 - Monday 18 July 2011 3:24

Sounds like the beginning to a porno...

By conor1423 | 0

#121676 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:15

haha that really sucks! as long as it didnt arouse you!

Reply

bobby3130 | 0

#985703 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 5:00

it prob did tho so we have a problem

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#3763437 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 1:10

It aroused me

By omgitsseejay | 0

#121682 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:18

that sucks, that's a bus ride to remember

Reply

mrjohnz | 0

#996888 - Tuesday 18 May 2010 16:20

haha I replied to get my comment at the top bitchez!

Reply

erika_lynnex | 1

#1039947 - Wednesday 23 June 2010 5:29

haha 148 is a fag, bitchezz!

Reply

fluorescentadole_fml | 8

#2249225 - Sunday 27 March 2011 16:33

hahaha

By nodbor | 11

#121684 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

even dicks need a place to rest.

Reply

eversdeens | 5

#4356629 - Thursday 26 April 2012 4:26

Crying

Reply

faultyfail | 0

#4551609 - Monday 11 June 2012 10:41

LOL

By Narsh | 0

#121686 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

How could anyone possibly say that you deserved this? FYL indeed.

Reply

shinshoku13 | 19

#5264857 - Thursday 20 December 2012 15:37

Ive accidently tapped "you deserve it" when i meant "i agree, your life sucks". So maybe alot of people have bad hand-eye coordination

Reply

theaaxis | 27

#5527809 - Monday 10 June 2013 0:55

happens to me all the time!

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#121691 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:20

Maybe it would be better not to sit next time...

Reply

naughty_angel94 | 0

#3419507 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:38

Not really if she didn't and he got and erection it'd hit her puss or ass

By oreomaple123 | 0

#121694 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:21

lol that is creepy to turn around slowly and find that..

Reply

storm777 | 0

#996895 - Tuesday 18 May 2010 16:45

suprise!

Reply

validus | 0

#1211157 - Monday 9 August 2010 10:31

it's one of those really bad bday presents...

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#121697 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

I agree with #5. FYL definitely. Ew.

By yes_yes_yes | 0

#121699 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

Punch it next time! That is just NOT acceptable! EWE!

Reply

crazycornn | 0

#972834 - Friday 2 April 2010 1:54

or bite it off.

Reply

lovesick4628 | 0

#984435 - Sunday 25 April 2010 3:06

holy geez!

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#5932658 - Friday 2 May 2014 10:22

owwww I know this is bad but nobody except pedos/rapists should receive that punishment

Reply

Phartmacist | 4

#6247082 - Sunday 29 March 2015 23:09

I know! Dude probably was a filthy ewe.

Reply

RebeccaRFT | 18

#6320866 - Monday 15 June 2015 1:05

You do know guys can't help it? Right? Just because he got an erection doesn't mean he is a creepy jerk. His 'happy sacks' are his organs, and I'm sure you don't want to be punched in the organs. Why is it funny to punch a guy in the balls and bring extreme pain to him just for something he can't control?

Reply

Red_Curls1995 | 28

#6506426 - Sunday 10 January 2016 7:53

201 I'm pretty sure a guy can control whether or not he rests his erection on someone's shoulder.

By jimmyweee | 0

#121709 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

That's why you slap first and look second.