Intimacy: Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not... - FML

By gringa_Peru - Peru

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

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Broken heart

There's no helping some people

Big bastard boss

By A continent away - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

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By fmrunning - United States

Today, I completed my 6 month training program for a track competition this weekend. I went to the park to run anyways because I needed some air after my boyfriend broke up with me. After one lap, my neighbor's 130 lb dog ran across the soccer field and jumped on me to say hi. My leg is broken. FML

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By soupduped - United States

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

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By Peter80 - Netherlands

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML

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By tylah - United States - Piscataway

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

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By Missyangel - United States

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

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By katta2009 - United States

RIP in peace

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

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By Imnotfromhere - 13/6/2021 16:01

Sobering

Today, I went to a bar to celebrate my 26th birthday. I got ripped off by the bartender all night because she secretly gave me non-alcoholic versions of my drinks. Apparently I look like I'm 16, so she thought my ID was fake. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Bad day

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

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By Anonymous

Not a prank, bro!

Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML

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By addicted2v - United States

Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML

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By Yeoman - New Zealand

Today, my mother looked me dead in the face and said, "I have failed as a parent." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

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By Noname - United States

Photoshopped

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

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By Katlego Maduma - 23/3/2021 22:59

Sneaking around

Today, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with his girl bestie for 4 years. I also found out he's been having threesomes with his male bestie. Both people have been around me and my family this entire time. We've been married for 15 years. Joke's on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

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By nthor - United States

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

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By Wathaveidone - 12/7/2021 02:01

Assumptions

Today, I saw a sketchy looking person frustratingly trying to open a BMW in the parking lot where I work. I ran outside to confront him and call the cops. Turns out, not only was he the owner of that vehicle, but he was one of our company’s biggest donors. FML

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By chapstick - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

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By Mikey - United States

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

The Terror

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

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By AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

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By muddygal - United States

Stuck

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

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By sicksicksick - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

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By Where is it coming from?! - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

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By Arielle - Australia

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

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By lovedoesnotexist - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

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By Suzie Leone - United States

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

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By Bugga2018 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

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By swim5 - United States - Tempe

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He's only moving 20 minutes away. FML

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By WTF, America? - Sweden

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML

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By Employee - United States - Lincoln

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

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By poop - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

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By allbrokeup - Norway - Stavanger

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

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By sick - United States

Today, I got up and left for work despite being really sick, because I had a big meeting. Halfway to work, in deadlocked traffic, my boss texts me to let me know he's rescheduling the meeting to tomorrow because of personal conflicts. FML

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Top comments

By nodbor | 11

#121684 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

even dicks need a place to rest.

By Narsh | 0

#121686 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

How could anyone possibly say that you deserved this? FYL indeed.

COMMENTS

By dodger_fml | 0

#121673 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:14

damn.

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1179385 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 3:17

falcon punch!

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2918053 - Monday 18 July 2011 3:24

Sounds like the beginning to a porno...

By conor1423 | 0

#121676 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:15

haha that really sucks! as long as it didnt arouse you!

Reply

bobby3130 | 0

#985703 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 5:00

it prob did tho so we have a problem

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#3763437 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 1:10

It aroused me

By omgitsseejay | 0

#121682 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:18

that sucks, that's a bus ride to remember

Reply

mrjohnz | 0

#996888 - Tuesday 18 May 2010 16:20

haha I replied to get my comment at the top bitchez!

Reply

erika_lynnex | 1

#1039947 - Wednesday 23 June 2010 5:29

haha 148 is a fag, bitchezz!

Reply

fluorescentadole_fml | 8

#2249225 - Sunday 27 March 2011 16:33

hahaha

By nodbor | 11

#121684 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

even dicks need a place to rest.

Reply

eversdeens | 5

#4356629 - Thursday 26 April 2012 4:26

Crying

Reply

faultyfail | 0

#4551609 - Monday 11 June 2012 10:41

LOL

By Narsh | 0

#121686 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

How could anyone possibly say that you deserved this? FYL indeed.

Reply

shinshoku13 | 19

#5264857 - Thursday 20 December 2012 15:37

Ive accidently tapped "you deserve it" when i meant "i agree, your life sucks". So maybe alot of people have bad hand-eye coordination

Reply

theaaxis | 27

#5527809 - Monday 10 June 2013 0:55

happens to me all the time!

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#121691 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:20

Maybe it would be better not to sit next time...

Reply

naughty_angel94 | 0

#3419507 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:38

Not really if she didn't and he got and erection it'd hit her puss or ass

By oreomaple123 | 0

#121694 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:21

lol that is creepy to turn around slowly and find that..

Reply

storm777 | 0

#996895 - Tuesday 18 May 2010 16:45

suprise!

Reply

validus | 0

#1211157 - Monday 9 August 2010 10:31

it's one of those really bad bday presents...

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#121697 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

I agree with #5. FYL definitely. Ew.

By yes_yes_yes | 0

#121699 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

Punch it next time! That is just NOT acceptable! EWE!

Reply

crazycornn | 0

#972834 - Friday 2 April 2010 1:54

or bite it off.

Reply

lovesick4628 | 0

#984435 - Sunday 25 April 2010 3:06

holy geez!

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#5932658 - Friday 2 May 2014 10:22

owwww I know this is bad but nobody except pedos/rapists should receive that punishment

Reply

Phartmacist | 4

#6247082 - Sunday 29 March 2015 23:09

I know! Dude probably was a filthy ewe.

Reply

RebeccaRFT | 18

#6320866 - Monday 15 June 2015 1:05

You do know guys can't help it? Right? Just because he got an erection doesn't mean he is a creepy jerk. His 'happy sacks' are his organs, and I'm sure you don't want to be punched in the organs. Why is it funny to punch a guy in the balls and bring extreme pain to him just for something he can't control?

Reply

Red_Curls1995 | 28

#6506426 - Sunday 10 January 2016 7:53

201 I'm pretty sure a guy can control whether or not he rests his erection on someone's shoulder.

By jimmyweee | 0

#121709 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

That's why you slap first and look second.