Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not... - FML

By gringa_Peru - 18/4/2009 01:19 - Peru

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

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Dangling modifier

Boom, headshot

Bad news

By KlutzyFarmGirl - 12/6/2018 14:30 - United States

Glamorous...

Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 02:03

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

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By awkwardballer - 24/5/2016 16:53

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

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By hellangelrose - 26/8/2014 07:48 - France

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 22:13 - Denmark

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 07:13 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

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By neighbor - 26/1/2014 13:08 - Australia - Mosman

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

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By Meg - 17/10/2018 15:30

Today, we moved 2,700 miles across the U.S. to better our lives, with job offers and home options lined up. All of them were given to other people or turned out to be scams. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2015 19:54 - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

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By sick - 6/10/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I got up and left for work despite being really sick, because I had a big meeting. Halfway to work, in deadlocked traffic, my boss texts me to let me know he's rescheduling the meeting to tomorrow because of personal conflicts. FML

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By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

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By IamAflyingCat - 22/10/2013 09:12 - United States

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

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By a non e mouse - 10/11/2015 22:34 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

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By AllyCat - 7/6/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

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By LizP40 - 27/8/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

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By Dani - 12/1/2012 10:35 - Australia

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 06:55 - United Kingdom

I need it

Today, my husband and I have such busy careers, we have to schedule sex for when we’re both at home and hopefully not too tired, otherwise we’d never have sex at all. The last time we had sex was on my birthday, in April, and our next appointment is mid September. I really miss sex. FML

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By 16Charlie5 - 19/5/2018 15:00

Curious...

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

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By macattack - 2/9/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

The straights are at it again

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

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By swtkiss1 - 18/2/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

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By badidea - 23/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2014 14:56 - Japan

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2010 11:45 - United States

Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML

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By Fought The Law - 29/10/2011 04:51 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

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By batman - 4/7/2020 02:02

How do magnets work?

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

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By gwengas - 30/7/2014 06:51 - France - Saint-ouen-des-alleux

Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML

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By marriedtoatool - 26/12/2012 06:15 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I received from my husband for Christmas the body lotion that only he uses. And nothing else. FML

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By the only sober one - 15/5/2013 06:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

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By Fsd - 5/11/2008 07:35 - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

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By kp - 31/8/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

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By cockfist - 4/3/2014 22:41 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

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By __shirtless__ - 10/12/2016 03:09

Today I found out that paying $40 for next-day shipping doesn't ensure that you'll receive the item the next day or even the next week. I assumed it was my fault for ordering too late into the holiday season. Turns out they never shipped it. When I finally received it 10 days late, it was the wrong item. FML

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By Ignatius - 7/6/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

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By Lexiebear27 - 19/9/2011 15:56 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

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By vanessa_d15 - 10/11/2009 09:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

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Top comments

By nodbor | 11

#121684 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

even dicks need a place to rest.

By Narsh | 0

#121686 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

How could anyone possibly say that you deserved this? FYL indeed.

COMMENTS

By dodger_fml | 0

#121673 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:14

damn.

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1179385 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 3:17

falcon punch!

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2918053 - Monday 18 July 2011 3:24

Sounds like the beginning to a porno...

By conor1423 | 0

#121676 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:15

haha that really sucks! as long as it didnt arouse you!

Reply

bobby3130 | 0

#985703 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 5:00

it prob did tho so we have a problem

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#3763437 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 1:10

It aroused me

By omgitsseejay | 0

#121682 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:18

that sucks, that's a bus ride to remember

Reply

mrjohnz | 0

#996888 - Tuesday 18 May 2010 16:20

haha I replied to get my comment at the top bitchez!

Reply

erika_lynnex | 0

#1039947 - Wednesday 23 June 2010 5:29

haha 148 is a fag, bitchezz!

Reply

fluorescentadole_fml | 8

#2249225 - Sunday 27 March 2011 16:33

hahaha

By nodbor | 11

#121684 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

even dicks need a place to rest.

Reply

eversdeens | 5

#4356629 - Thursday 26 April 2012 4:26

Crying

Reply

faultyfail | 0

#4551609 - Monday 11 June 2012 10:41

LOL

By Narsh | 0

#121686 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:19

How could anyone possibly say that you deserved this? FYL indeed.

Reply

shinshoku13 | 19

#5264857 - Thursday 20 December 2012 15:37

Ive accidently tapped "you deserve it" when i meant "i agree, your life sucks". So maybe alot of people have bad hand-eye coordination

Reply

theaaxis | 27

#5527809 - Monday 10 June 2013 0:55

happens to me all the time!

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#121691 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:20

Maybe it would be better not to sit next time...

Reply

naughty_angel94 | 0

#3419507 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:38

Not really if she didn't and he got and erection it'd hit her puss or ass

By oreomaple123 | 0

#121694 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:21

lol that is creepy to turn around slowly and find that..

Reply

storm777 | 0

#996895 - Tuesday 18 May 2010 16:45

suprise!

Reply

validus | 0

#1211157 - Monday 9 August 2010 10:31

it's one of those really bad bday presents...

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#121697 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

I agree with #5. FYL definitely. Ew.

By yes_yes_yes | 0

#121699 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

Punch it next time! That is just NOT acceptable! EWE!

Reply

crazycornn | 0

#972834 - Friday 2 April 2010 1:54

or bite it off.

Reply

lovesick4628 | 0

#984435 - Sunday 25 April 2010 3:06

holy geez!

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#5932658 - Friday 2 May 2014 10:22

owwww I know this is bad but nobody except pedos/rapists should receive that punishment

Reply

Phartmacist | 4

#6247082 - Sunday 29 March 2015 23:09

I know! Dude probably was a filthy ewe.

Reply

RebeccaRFT | 18

#6320866 - Monday 15 June 2015 1:05

You do know guys can't help it? Right? Just because he got an erection doesn't mean he is a creepy jerk. His 'happy sacks' are his organs, and I'm sure you don't want to be punched in the organs. Why is it funny to punch a guy in the balls and bring extreme pain to him just for something he can't control?

Reply

Red_Curls1995 | 28

#6506426 - Sunday 10 January 2016 7:53

201 I'm pretty sure a guy can control whether or not he rests his erection on someone's shoulder.

By jimmyweee | 0

#121709 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

That's why you slap first and look second.