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Just an extra bit of info: I was with my parents at the airport, so I did make it back... after 45 minutes of going through security and announcing that I was an idiot on the intercom so my dad could save me.

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 02:57 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I lost my work keys and had everyone running all over the building looking for them. We found them, hanging in the last lock I had used. They now all think I'm a nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 587

You deserved it 26 266

By OL2R - 17/04/2012 08:29 - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 102

You deserved it 39 313

Nature is healing

By anonymous - 30/06/2016 05:27 - United States - Forney

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 328

You deserved it 2 477

By Anonymous - 04/02/2014 18:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 499

You deserved it 16 805

By Ow - 19/06/2016 00:51 - United Kingdom - Swanscombe

Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 845

You deserved it 1 918

By maddy - 21/01/2009 17:03 - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 809

You deserved it 2 635

Frustrating

By Noname - 17/01/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 817

You deserved it 39 556

By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 20:02 - United States - Pennsville

Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 500

You deserved it 2 585

By Talis - 12/01/2016 13:24 - United States - Eureka

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 302

You deserved it 1 476

Dental practice

By urbantrashcan - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 1 518

By :'( - 09/09/2015 03:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was let go from my dream job for requesting Photoshop as well as Illustrator. I was hired to create marketing materials. Guess I should have just used Paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 762

You deserved it 1 647

By fatface - 13/04/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 230

You deserved it 3 787

Introvert struggles

By knife knife - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Dalkeith

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 927

You deserved it 15 506

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 153

You deserved it 2 532

By xxlenalunaxx - 29/04/2015 11:11 - United States

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 603

You deserved it 4 290

By Anonymous - 21/04/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 397

You deserved it 2 938

By anonymous - 26/03/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 915

You deserved it 2 941

Pile up

By shark - 27/11/2012 03:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile, and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 668

You deserved it 31 912

By ProudASDmom - 30/03/2016 02:39 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 056

You deserved it 1 417

By loser doctor - 02/01/2009 11:14 - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 098

You deserved it 4 410

Confused

By Overworked - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 865

You deserved it 3 331

By The Last Cockbender - 06/10/2012 17:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 523

You deserved it 2 548

By mutantprincess - 12/01/2016 10:48 - Australia

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 659

You deserved it 5 517

Where's my stuff?

By freezingtodeath - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I went into Target's dressing rooms to try some pants on, leaving my full cart outside. An employee thought it had been left there, and took it to put the stuff back. My coat, hat, gloves were in it. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 713

You deserved it 22 982

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 880

You deserved it 9 462

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 1 248

Today, we're having my grandmother over. Because we don't have a guest room, she is sleeping in mine. It is 25°C at night and she is sleeping naked with her dog right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 370

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 341

You deserved it 4 723

Today, I got fired from my job for harassing customers over the weekend. I didn't work over the weekend. I left my nametag there on Friday and my co-workers thought it would be funny to wear my nametag all weekend. One of them got into a fight with a customer and they took her 'name' down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 702

You deserved it 7 307

Today, I was surfing and trying to impress some girls on the beach. While I was out in the water, a jellyfish wrapped itself around my torso. I started to yell and freak out, making a huge scene. I grabbed it off of me, only to realize that I was freaking out over a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 622

You deserved it 56 637

Today, I was supposed to fly home for my dad's funeral, but the woman in the seat next to me was so obese, her bulging flesh left absolutely no way for me to sit in my seat. I complained to the stewardess, who then forced me to leave the plane just for raising my voice in frustration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 507