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Creepy dude

By janegeorge - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kanata

Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 126

You deserved it 3 941

Innocence file

By tokinallday - 02/01/2015 19:23 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 400

You deserved it 2 506

By ktm1313 - 26/01/2016 21:38 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I donated blood for the first time. It wasn't until I passed out on the ice during hockey practice that I remembered the nurse warning me not to do any type of exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 848

You deserved it 20 070

By how - 25/07/2013 04:10 - United States - Crozier

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 171

You deserved it 3 396

Kids these days, eh?

By child - 10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 480

You deserved it 1 567

By mydadforgetsme - 04/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 707

You deserved it 1 474

By Brinty - 31/10/2009 05:20 - Australia

Today, I found out that whenever a mistake is made at my work, my boss assumes that it was me, unless indicated otherwise, but he has never said anything to me about it because of my 'learning disorder'. I don't have a learning disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 524

You deserved it 2 675

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:42 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 068

You deserved it 4 199

The workplace from hell

By Gottabekidding - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 453

You deserved it 932

By Noname - 13/03/2009 15:49 - Canada

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 741

You deserved it 12 925

By signinept - 18/09/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 314

You deserved it 49 936

By Jason - 25/12/2017 05:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 522

You deserved it 427

Hairy situation

By Kelly - 02/03/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said, "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 035

You deserved it 9 468

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 20:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Spicy

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 887

You deserved it 5 859

By yerface - 13/02/2009 03:52 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 754

You deserved it 8 739

By -.- - 20/09/2013 23:58 - United States - Lakeside

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 583

You deserved it 2 902

Bye bye

By TheoBuckner - 21/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 983

You deserved it 2 306

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 774

You deserved it 40 944

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 16:33 - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 441

You deserved it 4 092

By nomfuck - 09/09/2014 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 590

You deserved it 3 207

By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Spicy

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 018

You deserved it 3 223

By Dispute - 08/08/2011 05:30 - Canada

Today, I was driving home from a long day at work fixing people's electronics. When I got home, I got a call from work saying I needed to go back and help a customer with their TV again. When I got there, after an hour of driving, I realized I'd accidentally kicked the power cord out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 553

You deserved it 5 996

What was I thinking?!

By Infadel - 22/07/2014 21:55 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 855

You deserved it 10 532

Tetchy

By ANON - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 217

You deserved it 836

The language of love

By TextsAlot - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my husband has been out of town for a week. The only text I've got from him was, "I didn't take a poop today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 557

You deserved it 3 990

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 21:01 - Germany - M?hlhausen

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 666

You deserved it 12 489

The Three Bears Conundrum

By Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 841

You deserved it 2 553

Office Space 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Jesstanothergurl - 18/07/2016 19:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 677

You deserved it 899

By terribob1 - 08/07/2016 14:52

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 564

You deserved it 4 522

By sericane - 04/03/2016 20:03 - United States - Pittsburgh

Spicy

Today, I delivered a pizza to a former coworker. He answered the door with his pants below his ass and his junk hanging out of his boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 597

You deserved it 1 644

sericane tells us more.

sericane 20

Saturday 5 March 2016 4:34

I must say, these comments had me laughing my ass off. To elaborate a bit, he had no idea it was me coming. He didn't even acknowledge or notice it at all. I'm fairly certain he was stoned out of his mind, because he barely said 2 words to me. When we worked together, there was always something off about him. He got fired for always calling off due to supposedly being homeless. Well, the house I delivered to was hella nice. So, idk. Lol. Either way, I tried to avert my eyes and just finish the transaction and gtfo of there. When I got back to work, the rest of my coworkers had a big laugh when I told em what happened. Lol. Definitely something I did not need to see. Lmao

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and I'm single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 195

You deserved it 1 044

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having a BDSM theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 801

You deserved it 4 694

Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 116

You deserved it 6 390

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 1 029

Today, my boss told me I might get fired because I didn't break up a fist fight. I am over 7 months pregnant and both of the people who were fighting are bigger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 314

You deserved it 293

Today, I spent three hours cleaning my apartment for a date. I then took a nap, only to wake up to find my cat had destroyed the place. Lucky for me, my date never showed up, and I ended the evening drinking Prosecco while sadly swiping through Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 168