Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed...

By clementine8 - 14/2/2009 06:23 - United States

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34415

You deserved it

2760

Favorite

Miscellaneous

The Summoner

Time for the ER

Clocked

By Anonymous - 22/1/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73656

You deserved it

4770

Favorite

By Dartfrogger - 12/2/2015 19:16 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30859

You deserved it

2958

Favorite

By thanks sis - 29/8/2020 10:52 - United States - Hesperia

On a leash

Today, my best friend and I were supposed to meet up at an outdoor beer garden. We’ve both had a hard time with quarantine, so it was a great escape. Instead, she kept me waiting for nearly two hours before I finally left. Her excuse? Her boyfriend, who she sees every day, really wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1553

You deserved it

136

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/3/2020 02:04 - United States - Houston

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, I opened a lesson with the phrase, "As we all know, the world is over 4 billion years old." One of my students immediately snorted and said, in all seriousness, that I was wrong, and that the Earth is only 6000 years old. A few of his classmates agreed. I teach geology at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By morenita27 - 21/12/2010 01:52 - Canada

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51340

You deserved it

4055

Favorite

By Jeimaiku - 27/9/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34009

You deserved it

2720

Favorite

By i guess - 3/5/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42524

You deserved it

3565

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2017 22:00

Today, my parents met my boyfriend for the first time. They spent the entire meal trying to convince him to dump me, all while I was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5481

You deserved it

359

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/4/2015 14:49 - United States - Apopka

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34925

You deserved it

6987

Favorite

By fuck - 14/8/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27750

You deserved it

15709

Favorite

By Lonelyhopeful - 5/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

8504

You deserved it

942

Favorite

By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - 22/9/2018 05:30 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2659

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By fuck right off - 4/4/2015 17:32 - United Kingdom - Coalville

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35406

You deserved it

2883

Favorite

By uggg - 23/1/2015 18:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35511

You deserved it

3197

Favorite

By campmom - 8/7/2009 05:02

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49285

You deserved it

3807

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/1/2013 17:15 - United States - Savage

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35335

You deserved it

16182

Favorite

By ari - 18/2/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35796

You deserved it

3862

Favorite

By daydreamer - 29/7/2012 05:12 - United States - Wilton

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12096

You deserved it

29094

Favorite

By Bridget - 6/5/2012 18:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34150

You deserved it

7110

Favorite

By kanenakid - 27/12/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, I realized the closest person I have to a friend is the debt collector who calls me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32873

You deserved it

6646

Favorite

By jigglepuff - 9/2/2014 17:00 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38621

You deserved it

6716

Favorite

By recordyear - 9/8/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32778

You deserved it

7476

Favorite

By tigerfiend - 17/2/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47578

You deserved it

5702

Favorite

By ihatemyparents - 22/1/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36380

You deserved it

2717

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 20:00

Today, my mom borrowed my computer without my permission and downloaded a virus. I came home to a blue screen of death. She refuses to admit fault and pay for a new computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3933

You deserved it

381

Favorite

By bearded lady - 8/6/2020 14:03

Can't face it

Today, thanks to all my medications, I've been growing thick, dark hair on my face. I decided to use hair removal cream instead of shaving. The cream removed every trace of hair, but also made my skin about 4 times lighter than the rest of my face. It's even more noticeable than the beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1359

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30467

You deserved it

6627

Favorite

By ryan and Zack - 25/2/2010 22:30 - United States

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32100

You deserved it

7872

Favorite

By yblamemebiatch - 16/3/2016 10:56 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out a colleague spread lies about me because she somehow thinks I'm to blame for the hot guy at work not wanting to date her. Perhaps she should blame his fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21908

You deserved it

1295

Favorite

By sendhelp - 3/8/2015 05:31 - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27490

You deserved it

2425

Favorite

By jooshuarr - 18/6/2010 23:09 - Spain

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37599

You deserved it

4704

Favorite

By I think its dead - 15/1/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22885

You deserved it

41286

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2016 14:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21683

You deserved it

2827

Favorite

By - 3/1/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47469

You deserved it

4338

Favorite

By noname - 18/2/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45178

You deserved it

6015

Favorite

By teriyaki124 - 21/3/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65397

You deserved it

17814

Favorite

By stalkered - 22/7/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49971

You deserved it

3079

Favorite

By CastAway - 24/5/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48541

You deserved it

15027

Favorite

By denied - 26/3/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66565

You deserved it

5095

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/4/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4140

You deserved it

392

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Spencer_fml | 0

#2185 - Saturday 14 February 2009 18:25

Happy Valentines Day!

By Rayn4u_fml | 0

#2186 - Saturday 14 February 2009 18:27

My little brother's birthday is on Valentines Day, so when we were younger my mother would also buy me a gift so I wouldn't be the only one left out lol. Just appreciate it =)

COMMENTS

By AlleySinkWink | 0

#2172 - Saturday 14 February 2009 16:57

Haha I agree with numero uno. It's the thought that counts?

michelleJ11 | 25

#5859855 - Sunday 16 February 2014 11:08

I agree, I don't see why it's a bad thing. Your moms being considerate, in a weird mom sort of way.

By Spencer_fml | 0

#2185 - Saturday 14 February 2009 18:25

Happy Valentines Day!

By Rayn4u_fml | 0

#2186 - Saturday 14 February 2009 18:27

My little brother's birthday is on Valentines Day, so when we were younger my mother would also buy me a gift so I wouldn't be the only one left out lol. Just appreciate it =)

By happygoluckyhh | 0

#299781 - Saturday 13 June 2009 5:01

I agree with numbers 1, 2, 5, 6.

By Lizzygirlleee | 0

#334328 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 22:43

happy valentines day!

By Roddsy | 0

#346834 - Saturday 27 June 2009 19:13

lol parents =_=;

By yaktazuki | 0

#423992 - Friday 24 July 2009 4:50

Cool mom

By RatIsKing | 0

#540136 - Saturday 5 September 2009 4:04

that's why I'm going as far away as possible for college. wherever that might be...

By tampabayfan | 22

#988759 - Thursday 6 May 2010 4:04

lol

By Ketchup_Castle | 30

#3183953 - Friday 26 August 2011 21:20

That's the same reason I send flowers to my best friend every year.