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Self-bodyshaming

By Anonymous - 01/10/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 448

You deserved it 6 707

By My Daughter Fails at Life - 26/09/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 889

You deserved it 2 597

By broke bitch - 23/06/2015 04:15 - United States - Hampton

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 510

You deserved it 2 328

True Love

By Marriedtoajew - 03/01/2018 19:00

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 957

You deserved it 436

By herpderp - 11/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 418

You deserved it 3 628

By Noname - 02/02/2012 10:41 - United States

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 270

You deserved it 4 537

By thanksmom - 02/02/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 217

You deserved it 2 875

Bad time for a joke

By Demotivation - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 298

You deserved it 12 853

All my fault

By streaker? - 27/11/2015 14:21 - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 304

You deserved it 2 045

By AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - 24/09/2014 17:17 - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 739

You deserved it 2 636

By no more mr nice guy - 27/12/2016 07:32

Spicy

Today, my friend invited me, his girlfriend, and the girl I like over to his house to hang out. We hoped it would get me closer to my crush. The day ended with them having a threesome and me locked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 180

You deserved it 987

By need my own place - 24/10/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 968

You deserved it 1 599

By Anonymous - 02/08/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said, "There's my daughter…" He then turned it to me and said "…and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 346

You deserved it 3 892

By illuminatzi - 03/10/2015 02:32 - United States - Temple

Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 484

You deserved it 6 031

By Mindersss - 01/10/2015 10:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I started my new job. Not even 2 hours in did some old man ask me where I live, what's my number, and if I was interested in being with him and his friends. This guy is at least over 50 and works with me. I left my old job because some old men kept asking the same things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 569

You deserved it 2 215

Mindersss tells us more.

Mindersss 20

Friday 2 October 2015 12:38

Hey! wow this was actually posted. I work in an apprentice, I do business and admin. I am only 19 years old. I have taken it up with my office manager and HR. These guys are just creeps and have been told to stay away from me. For those who say "well you must be doing something" I am not. I dress in jeans and a top, nothing is on show, and even if it was, it does not give them the right to ask where I live and that. I have never given out where I live. I actually have a boyfriend, and if they ask me out, I do tell them, but even if I was single it is none of their business. Thank you to everyone who did back me up, and to those who are saying I must be doing something, please just leave, I do not have time for your comments. I am not to blame here, the guy was, he is married, (could tell from the ring on his finger) and if he has kids, he should be so ashamed! I am only 19!

Parked

By tandc - 01/05/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, in a rush to squeeze out of a particularly tight parking spot, I made a hurried 12-point turn. Just to make sure I had enough room behind, I hopped out of my car. It was still in reverse. I managed to wreck my own car without even sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 376

You deserved it 28 044

By Hardsleeper - 16/10/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I learned that my car alarm only goes off if the car is unlocked a bit forcibly. Doesn't make a sound when some prick breaks the window out in the middle of the night to steal my cd player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 999

You deserved it 2 313

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 14:27 - France - Paris

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 718

You deserved it 13 801

By KathleenSchuler - 05/03/2013 03:38 - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 207

You deserved it 3 606

So brave

By Erbtosis - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 723

You deserved it 1 448

By Anonymous - 31/03/2015 03:52 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, it was my first day working as a dental assistant, leaving me in charge of all cleaning. The first patient was so scared, he peed his pants. Which might have been understandable if he hadn't been a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 509

You deserved it 2 478

By u wot? - 14/02/2015 12:14 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 501

You deserved it 2 347

By xxxchelsiexxx - 06/02/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my two friends. My hair was hanging over my upper lip, making it look like I had a big mustache. "Hey, look guys!" I said. "I have a mustache!" "I know," they both said without looking. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 393

You deserved it 7 848

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 863

You deserved it 1 245

Come on in…

By vaness@ - 06/12/2008 04:54 - France

Spicy

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 437

You deserved it 11 973

Stars of CCTV

By lobotomized - 13/07/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, a couple came into the gas station where I work to ask for directions. While I was giving the woman directions (and even writing them down to be as helpful as possible), the man stole my wallet out of my purse that was sitting on the other end of the counter behind a display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 733

You deserved it 7 754

By emergency - 25/01/2010 13:32 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 341

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 23/12/2014 18:24 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 3 078

A for effort

By fishoutofwater - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 370

You deserved it 1 661

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 143

You deserved it 2 552

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The Top

The Top

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 398

You deserved it 11 845

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 449

You deserved it 5 765

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 617

You deserved it 5 234

Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 661

You deserved it 4 095

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 113

You deserved it 3 368

Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 014

You deserved it 84 564