Work: Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it... - FML

By SteamLass765 - 13/08/2015 09:58

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 709

You deserved it 1 755

Sorry…

Dementia or hate? You decide

First Dates

By oww - 05/04/2011 07:46 - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game. It was windy, so I decided to get my hat from the car trunk. When I opened it and reached in, loose papers started flying everywhere. Panicked, my dad slammed the trunk shut on my fingers. Entering the stadium, I discovered it was free hat day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 965

You deserved it 5 694

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 502

You deserved it 3 851

Paul Blurt

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 16:01

Today, I had various items thrown at me all day at school, one one of which was a ruler that landed flat on my back where I had blistered and peeling sunburn. I yelped, "Motherf***er!" because of the pain, and I was the one given detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 126

By moronforadad - 05/01/2013 02:04 - United Kingdom - Carshalton

Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 738

You deserved it 6 427

By nature - 25/09/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 289

You deserved it 312

By italy1986 - 13/04/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 58 172

By daybyday - 22/11/2011 08:08 - Australia

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 605

You deserved it 6 345

By sproket - 11/04/2011 23:37

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 089

You deserved it 2 664

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 01:26 - United States - Washington

Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 4 377

By Anonymous - 26/12/2016 05:59

Today, I dropped the collection basket during Christmas Mass at my Catholic church. Money and checks fell all over the floor and everyone was staring at me. I was too stunned to even pick it up. There were about 1,500 people from our town there and my family won't stop bringing it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 538

You deserved it 1 516

Starfish

By WhyBother - 21/02/2021 05:02

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 280

By lol - 05/12/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 432

You deserved it 9 231

By LondonKitsch - 26/06/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 762

You deserved it 29 701

By Mc2013 - 12/10/2014 17:38 - United States

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 890

You deserved it 4 195

Maybe he is gay!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2017 05:00

Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 34

By Pisser - 26/06/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 115

You deserved it 5 692

Great start

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 568

Looking for another one!

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 01:00

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 05:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 671

You deserved it 1 829

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 03:28 - United States - Salem

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 121

You deserved it 2 863

By car trouble - 14/10/2016 08:12 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk for an hour and a half to get home. When I finally got home, my dad had gone out to pick my sister up from her friend's house. Her friend lives a 3-minute walk away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 087

You deserved it 755

By malebonding - 17/08/2009 13:50 - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 223

You deserved it 14 874

By angry girlfriend - 22/05/2012 14:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 605

You deserved it 3 582

By makeitstop - 02/12/2009 07:14 - Canada

Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 503

You deserved it 4 231

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 021

You deserved it 5 546

Pushy

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 22:02

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 1 553

Squirt

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 2 967

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 20:08 - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 014

You deserved it 1 878

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 269

You deserved it 4 338

By Gassy - 21/09/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 269

You deserved it 3 253

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 376

You deserved it 15 247

By Shooting myself - 10/02/2014 18:57 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 243

You deserved it 22 096

By whitedevil - 09/10/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 147

You deserved it 49 787

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 04:46 - United States - Middleboro

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 370

You deserved it 2 507

By snorlax - 20/01/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 663

You deserved it 8 325

By an idiot - 16/02/2013 18:03 - Australia

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 927

You deserved it 7 789

By mybad - 11/09/2014 03:57 - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 327

You deserved it 3 257

How's your hovel?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 08:02 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was cooking in my Airbnb and grabbed a pan, only to find it had some kind of beetle and droppings all over it. I realized soon after that the whole place was infested, but the person in charge of maintenance won’t answer my messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 84

By Unclicked - 01/08/2009 11:58 - Singapore

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 168

You deserved it 6 975

By nutfreak - 12/08/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 521

You deserved it 3 616

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:05

I can't even construct a phrase that describes her idiocy.

LilMissCanadian 22

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:05

Sorry OP. You did your best. FYL

Comments

LilMissCanadian 22

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:05

Sorry OP. You did your best. FYL

trollcrusher 17

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 22:45

"Snippy"? Really? I'm sorry too OP, there's not much you can reasonably do when faced with someone throwing such silly allegations at you. Kudos for being responsible and doing the right thing by trying to keep her off-site, even if she reacted in such a strange manner.

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2015 23:54

maybe OP isnt telling us everything. like actually being snippy

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:05

Sorry OP. She sounds like an idiot.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:41

Charge her for trespassing :)

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 22:10

Or report to the police officers' superiors that the police were being "snippy"

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:05

I can't even construct a phrase that describes her idiocy.

TheKingOfHearts 19

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 19:11

Your mom :P

Stxsyh 30

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 19:12

^ What??

Mynamewontfi 40

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 19:34

The king of hearts is apparantly not the king of jokes.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 22:05

Thats probably why it says thekingofhearts

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 23:14

Or that of the police for actually responding to that complaint...

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:07

Sometimes I wonder if some police even know what their job is.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 20:44

They do..... Some people just forget what the polices job is and expect them to deal with "snippy" people instead of criminals

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2015 17:58

who knows what she actually said to them. she could've said that he was berating her or threatening her in a snippy tone. police usually won't drive out to see about a snippy guy asking someone to leave their property.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:08

Is it me or are so many people like that?

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:08

She sounds like one of those people who'd also call the cops for someone kicking her trashcan or walking on her lawn.

leogachi 15

Friday 14 August 2015 0:45

@7 You should call the police when someone kicks your trashcan over. That's called vandalism.

iAlissa 34

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2015 3:36

Hmm. If it's full I guess I would care more

FieldLeftBlank 20

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:14

You can get in trouble with the police just for being "snippy"? Wtf?

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:36

Sounds to me like this lady is married to a cop.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 19:10

My dad and brother have had the cops called on them for the same thing. If the cops belong to a small little community, they tend to side with the resident and give the construction crew waaay more shit than they deserve. It's extremely annoying and the only stuff it does is delay the work.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:15

I have a feeling that the police that showed up are related to this woman. I don't think police officers normally give people hell just for being snippy. Unless you are being snippy to the police officer.

domolovesyoshi 33

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:31

That's the point of the FML of course she was the one who reported the OP

PsychicBulwark 4

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 22:06

Yeah a few things not adding up on this FML...

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:17

I didn't know you could report snippiness to the police.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2015 18:19

I didn't know you could report snippiness to the police.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 87