Health: Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by... - FML

By anonymous - 26/03/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 855

You deserved it 2 907

Taking stock

Dysfunctional

Stop talking!

Money first

By Anonymus - 31/01/2020 20:00 - Canada - Warkworth

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 07:02 - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 320

You deserved it 2 772

By beka - 07/01/2019 12:00

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 249

By rackman007 - 13/05/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I was wearing my new sunglasses while watching a basketball game. A pretty hot looking girl was sitting a few spots next to me so I stared at her breasts. A few minutes later, I looked up at her face and she was looking at me in disgust. It turns out that my sunglasses were see through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 254

You deserved it 91 804

Medicare for all, please

By thefirstcutisthedeepest - 30/09/2021 14:01

Today, I cut my leg deeply at the beginning of my work shift. I wrapped it up with packing tape and a thankfully sterile paper towel, and had to work 6 more hours before I could leave. I made 110 dollars at work, only to spend 120 on stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 151

The geyser

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 247

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 17:12 - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 604

You deserved it 4 024

Cash me?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00 - Canada - Lakeville

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 109

By Dogs loose - 02/03/2010 12:17 - France

Today, I found out that there's nothing like having to chase a 100-something lb. Bloodhound around the neighborhood when you're 8 months pregnant, with a 3 and 4 year old in tow. Especially when she runs the other way at the sight of you coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 904

You deserved it 4 354

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 16:02 - United States - La Grande

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 075

You deserved it 11 241

By pimpslaprequired - 04/08/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 915

You deserved it 4 837

By greenchan - 25/02/2011 05:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 147

You deserved it 20 880

By ieatoreos - 11/03/2011 11:28

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 169

You deserved it 2 951

By Anonymous - 30/11/2017 22:00 - United States - Littleton

Spicy

Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 675

You deserved it 525

By annonymus - 23/10/2014 00:57 - United States

Today, I flew to California to visit my younger sister at college. When I got to her house, her boyfriend looks at her and says, "She's not THAT ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 282

You deserved it 2 960

By HateTheBus - 18/03/2019 02:00

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 194

Help!

By notwasted39 - 13/07/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox when I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said, "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9 a.m.?" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I'm still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 971

You deserved it 3 082

By becstar90 - 05/06/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 489

You deserved it 18 277

By locker - 16/09/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602

You deserved it 13 704

By screw life - 01/10/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 632

You deserved it 3 039

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I parked my truck next to a rather large SUV at school, went to class for 8 hours straight, came back and found my passenger side door crumpled from where they had backed out and hit it. They left a note on my window that said, "Sorry about your truck, but I don't have insurance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 714

You deserved it 2 706

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 19:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 650

You deserved it 4 310

By anonymous - 05/05/2015 06:42 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 388

You deserved it 3 221

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 16:52 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 918

You deserved it 2 658

By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 00:18 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 51 597

By nichaneely - 10/02/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 543

You deserved it 3 681

By mishie1 - 21/02/2012 12:44 - United States

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 648

You deserved it 2 913

By TBTC - 31/08/2012 07:16 - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 309

You deserved it 5 401

By crapules - 23/12/2008 04:18 - France

Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 888

You deserved it 3 652

By jada - 04/01/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 276

You deserved it 3 734

By snowinggrey - 19/02/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 732

You deserved it 11 793

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 19:07 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 917

You deserved it 5 848

By Anonymous - 06/09/2016 13:36 - Estonia - Tartu

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 346

You deserved it 960

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 08:04 - Canada

Today, I was in a dating auction. I was bought for $2. The man who won a date with me recited every dialog from the movie The Lord of the Rings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 8 321

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 372

You deserved it 9 277

By pleasedontyellatme - 20/10/2016 15:19

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 007

You deserved it 713

By James - 18/12/2012 02:28 - United States

Today, my neighbor installed a large radio that loudly plays Christmas music 24/7. When I called in a complaint to the police department they told me to, "get in the Christmas spirit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 661

You deserved it 11 195

By spitballer1 - 06/07/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 133

You deserved it 29 011

By Lonesome - 01/01/2014 06:41 - United States - Bossier City

Spicy

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 348

You deserved it 13 048

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:09

I usually set three alarms at 15 minute intervals. I have sabotaged myself by rolling over half asleep and turning off my alarm. Not sure that would have helped the OP though, depending n the type of alarm and the duration of the humming episode.

Vanessa_Leeann26 17

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:10

I feel you. I wake up at least 2-3 times throughout the night, yet I most mornings I cannot heard my standard alarm clock or iPhone alarm! Although I can hear if either one of my kids makes a sniffle in the next room! =

Comments

noberg 14

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:04

Yah "snooze" yah loose!

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Thursday 26 March 2015 12:17

XD too tru

ironmany_fml 23

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Thursday 26 March 2015 15:56

i think it is trying to communicate.. but we are unable to understand its language...

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Thursday 26 March 2015 17:27

im just wondering, how does op know it was the humming if they were asleep?

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:09

I usually set three alarms at 15 minute intervals. I have sabotaged myself by rolling over half asleep and turning off my alarm. Not sure that would have helped the OP though, depending n the type of alarm and the duration of the humming episode.

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Thursday 26 March 2015 14:29

Maybe, he must have woken some amount to know he was humming. a loud, obnoxious one may have done it.

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Thursday 26 March 2015 19:56

Even that doesn't work for me. I slept through my alarm for an hour and a half.

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:09

Maybe your body was just like nah how about we don't get to today(:

Vanessa_Leeann26 17

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:10

I feel you. I wake up at least 2-3 times throughout the night, yet I most mornings I cannot heard my standard alarm clock or iPhone alarm! Although I can hear if either one of my kids makes a sniffle in the next room! =

feven 32

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Thursday 26 March 2015 11:45

You should try changing your alarm clock's ringtone. Presto on iPhone usually works well for me

Vanessa_Leeann26 17

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Thursday 26 March 2015 18:08

I've changed the tones on my iPhone alarm so many times it's alarming! ;) after a week I get used to it. =

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Thursday 26 March 2015 21:06

I feel like all parents need to change their alarm tone to the recording of a baby crying, I've never known a parent to sleep through that! I was out of bed at 4 one morning running around the house, trying to find my daughter when I heard a new born cry...... It took me a while to remember that my daughter was 5 and at her grandmothers house and it was my neighbours baby crying

Vanessa_Leeann26 17

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:12

Sorry for the typos.its supposed to read, "yet, most morning, I cannot hear..." = lol, this is one of my night time strolls through the house.

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:12

Listen to your body!! It knows best!

The_Skittish_One 27

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Thursday 26 March 2015 11:29

How? By ignoring their alarm and going back to sleep? Some people don't have that luxury; most bosses or teachers won't accept "my body was tired" as an excuse, nice as that would be.

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:13

maybe try those old-school clocks? they wake everyone !! i don't know hope it helps :-)

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:15

Never heard of someone humming in their sleep. Talking and moaning yes, but no humming.

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:33

I moan in my sleep. Really loud at times, enough to scare people. It will usually wake me up.

cherries62212 16

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:16

Make multiple alarms, a different sound for all the alarms, just to hopefully find one that wakes you!

Sunflower1919 19

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:37

This is the only way I can drag myself out of bed in the morning. And they have to be timed for irregular intervals or I'll know when they're coming and sleep through them.

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Thursday 26 March 2015 14:27

I do a gently sort to rouse me, then a harsher one 15 minutes later. Forces waking without being too rough on me. :-)

fakedsincerity 32

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Thursday 26 March 2015 10:18

You must have been humming very very loud to be louder than an alarm...

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 10

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 2 174

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 193