Work: Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight... - FML

By asshalf15 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

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You tried

Age difference

Noise annoys

By DefinitelyNotDogshit - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

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By - France

Today, a ball rolled up to me, so I picked it up and threw it over the school wall. A little boy who was behind me asked for his ball back. It's Sunday and the school is closed. FML

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By Dom - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

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By Hungry - United States

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

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By aftermath1991 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

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By vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

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By acincollege - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

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By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

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By dontgothere - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

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By fuckyouverymuch - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

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By missed - 25/6/2021 14:01 - United States

Sprinkler system

Today, I was using a mall bathroom. Thinking the toilet seat had to be unsanitary, I decided to squat. I was a little farther out than I thought, and ended up peeing all over the bathroom floor. FML

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By Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

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By FuckYou - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

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By Bambusmaster

Sobering.

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of 1 year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

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By frankkathy - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

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By candymansvan17 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

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By socially awkward - United States

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

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By Non-active - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

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By mayhemily - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Antioch

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Glen Allen

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find no toilet paper and a piece of shitty wallpaper in the bowl. FML

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By Rojo

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

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By black and yellow - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

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By dumbass stereotypes

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

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By why

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

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By Anonymous

Boundaries

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

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By Lonely - Australia

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I failed to get my driver's licence. My father was the instructor. FML

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By dirtytoes - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

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By umbrella - United States

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

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By Unlucky gal

Today, I broke my mug, windshield wiper, shower curtain, and foot, all in six hours. FML

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By gummy

Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML

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By wrestling probs - United States

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

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By applegreen - Ireland - Limerick

Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my stepson objected to being woken up at almost dinner time. He knows I have PTSD from my 2 tours of duty, so he turned his speakers way up and blasted the sounds of gunfire through the whole house. I hyperventilated and passed out. Little bastard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

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By jjgirl - 1/11/2020 05:02

Weight Watchers

Today, I proudly announced to my mother that I would cut down on sugar. Without missing a beat, her response was, “Out. You need to cut it out.” FML

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By McMuffin

Today, my 3-year-old daughter ran with arms wide open towards me, smiling, only to pass me by and hug the gardener instead. FML

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Top comments

By explosivepeach | 13

#6019447 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:09

I would go and see if there was video surveillance to prove it was an accident

By askullnamedbilly | 33

#6019461 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:13

Isn't it innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around?

COMMENTS

By jlang917 | 14

#6019428 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Aero_x | 21

#6019435 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:07

depends if you go to a traditional or all-year-round school.

Reply

amicusbriefs | 10

#6019436 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:07

There are schools that go year round...

Reply

AnOriginalName | 19

#6019438 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:08

Year-round school, summer school, OP posted this two months ago and it just got posted now. Think outside the box, buddy.

Reply

SilaOtlu | 7

#6019594 - Saturday 26 July 2014 6:59

In Australia it's winter and they have school

Reply

addictedtoIASIP | 14

#6019624 - Saturday 26 July 2014 7:47

Yeah but it says OP is from California

Reply

AllStache | 11

#6019653 - Saturday 26 July 2014 8:09

United States*

Reply

JBChristian | 46

#6019676 - Saturday 26 July 2014 8:35

United States - California**

Reply

hellphone_fml | 37

#6019691 - Saturday 26 July 2014 8:57

summer school, its like normal school, but in summer

By VicRC | 7

#6019434 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

jvfelicio | 13

#6019504 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:36

What?

By Aero_x | 21

#6019443 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:08

They can't prove anything.
And I did that once, but no one knew a thing because I stealthily got up and walked away. they all just blamed eachother.

By cailey1234567890 | 24

#6019445 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:09

Well thats what you get for being clumsy. Lol
In all seriousness though, that really stinks.
FYL

By explosivepeach | 13

#6019447 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:09

I would go and see if there was video surveillance to prove it was an accident

Reply

jkmartinjk | 16

#6019646 - Saturday 26 July 2014 8:03

Definitely! I know that most, if not all, schools in my area have cameras everywhere.

By rmoss78 | 10

#6019452 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:10

Well see ya in court!

By askullnamedbilly | 33

#6019461 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:13

Isn't it innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around?

Reply

Clay_Pidgeon | 11

#6019520 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:55

Ha, don't make me laugh...what kinda of backwards world do you think we live in...

Reply

mattbaker | 17

#6019577 - Saturday 26 July 2014 6:49

That's what is happening in courts everywhere. Guilty until proven innocent .

By shudson186 | 17

#6019462 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:13

This is why I feel cameras should be placed in certain places such as stairwells in schools. Honestly OP truth will always have the same story just keep telling it and someone will listen.

By ghostsoul21 | 12

#6019464 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:14

I'm sure if you sound truly sincere and honest and have other people who saw vouch for you that they'll believe you! Hope it works out ok OP!

By nardledangers | 5

#6019466 - Saturday 26 July 2014 5:14

i would say that escalated quickly... but it didnt...