Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote...

By Y_Y - 27/2/2015 20:20 - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

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Miscellaneous

White line fever

No one likes a smart-ass

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Noname - 27/1/2009 19:42 - Ireland

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

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By lonelyengineer - 19/12/2010 10:28 - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2013 18:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML

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By squeezable - 19/6/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2015 23:32 - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

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By Redhead4life - 18/3/2012 00:48 - United States - Miami

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

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By messed up - 16/9/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

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By Earths_Venus - 25/12/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

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By revenueempire - 9/12/2016 21:48

Today, a client says his new website design isn't what he expected at all and wants a full refund or else he will sue me in court. The design is exactly what he picked out when I presented the mock-ups. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2013 16:56 - United States

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

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By rmonk - 6/7/2016 12:17 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at an ice cream place, and a guy started chatting with us. As he eventually went to leave, he told me "That's a nice looking date you got there." Then he turned to my friend. "Wish I could say the same to you." FML

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By sasquatch - 8/9/2012 04:03 - United States - Katonah

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

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By i guess - 3/5/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

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By Lonely - 24/7/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

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By lectro - 23/11/2008 08:22 - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

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By go snope yourself - 26/1/2013 21:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

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By ritualdevice - 15/12/2009 08:30 - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

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By hopeless - 7/10/2016 20:28 - United States - Annandale On Hudson

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

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By Alec - 10/12/2012 07:01 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

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By Tim - 16/6/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

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By kawood - 30/3/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

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By wasp infestation - 3/10/2016 04:54 - United States - Aurora

Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

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By GoodbyeNewJob - 17/11/2016 18:00

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 15:47 - United States

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Romantic mood

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

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By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2018 01:30

Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML

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By sugar baby24 - 28/6/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

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By dumpedandstranded - 15/10/2009 20:19 - Canada

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

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By anonymous - 14/6/2012 14:54 - China - Nanjing

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

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By notgreg - 10/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

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By rejected - 6/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Smoke signals

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

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By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - 14/8/2017 07:00 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

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By jelrid - 13/7/2016 04:38 - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

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By BarBacked - 15/4/2013 07:31 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

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Top comments

By Xquisite1 | 28

#6216595 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:27

Just admit it, you hacked into her Facebook account and you are also responsible for the whole Sony attack. You damn sophisticated hacker OP!

By SarahSehhati | 40

#6216609 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:32

Did you try explaining to her how to use Facebook?

Comments

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6216587 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:25

Ah old people. Hope you explained it too her

By rae_2000 | 5

#6216589 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:25

Your grandma is a savage.

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6216666 - Saturday 28 February 2015 10:33

The hate is intense.

Masift | 21

#6218988 - Monday 2 March 2015 14:33

HAHAHAHHA that's hilarious XD

By Xquisite1 | 28

#6216595 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:27

Just admit it, you hacked into her Facebook account and you are also responsible for the whole Sony attack. You damn sophisticated hacker OP!

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6216596 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:27

The elderly and the internet, you gotta love it.

By spookyboy | 20

#6216598 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6216602 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:29

Surprise ? your grandma ? knows what hacking means

PeterPanties | 6

#6216735 - Saturday 28 February 2015 13:46

She doesn't want to catch one of the computer viruses she heard of in the morning news

By SarahSehhati | 40

#6216609 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:32

Did you try explaining to her how to use Facebook?

By hkhan24 | 23

#6216614 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:43

defriend her so you won't have these problems in the future

cheeeksss | 29

#6216663 - Saturday 28 February 2015 10:19

I've never heard of someone saying defriend instead of unfriend. Lol

Mauskau | 35

#6216681 - Saturday 28 February 2015 11:28

Although they mean the same thing, I find unfriend refers to just removing someone on Facebook, defriending is completely removing someone from your friendship circle.

By Skoff_fml | 27

#6216620 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:47

I guess your grandma doesn't like you

By mistress_paz | 30

#6216623 - Saturday 28 February 2015 8:58

Just delete the post.