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Thursday 4 July 2013

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Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

by yeshehaspornaddiction / 07/02/2013 at 12:37am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Intimacy

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

by juliearis / 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

by Garchomp / 07/08/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

by Paige / 07/10/2013 at 10:18am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

by Anonymous / 07/07/2013 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

by random person / 07/09/2013 at 1:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

by fucked up dad / 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

by John / 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

by RickTheBoy / 07/10/2013 at 8:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

by OnPlanetVenus / 07/04/2013 at 12:41am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy