Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML
FML - The Follow-Up
chrissy2 tells us more.
Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me 17 years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML
OPhere tells us more.
OP here. To the people who said I deserved it, my psychotic mother actually had the balls to craft a ******* rejection letter and mail it to me. I was sixteen and had never seen an authentic denial letter from Yale---you guys would've believed it, too, had you been in my shoes. To the people who keep bringing up e-mail: it was 1996. As my generation will tell you, we grew up without the internet. To the people who agree that my mom's a bitch, damn straight she ******* is. My daughters and son will not be seeing much of mee-maw anymore, nor will I. To the people who said I wouldn't be who I am today without that lie: Doesn't matter; parents are supposed to nurture their children, not deprive them for personal gain.
Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML
NZgirl92 tells us more.
NZgirl92 6
PS. I have a boyfriend, who lives with the friend whose birthday it was and his girlfriend.
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
hannah321 tells us more.
hi, i'm the girl who wrote this originally (i've since got an account so changed my name- maybe some people won't believe that but whatever) and i just want to say in response to some people that it was VERY clear on both sides that we were a couple, we were not friends with privileges.. also i am not a stalker, i just wanted to specify exactly how long we'd been together because it emphasises just how shitty what he did was.. like someone else said, a year doesn't really explain that fully. maybe he was using me for sex and i was practise, but i'm not as young or naive as some people here seem to think... this isn't my first relationship, but it was my first really serious one hence meeting parents, having sex etc etc.. i thought what i felt towards him was mutual, and i think if many of you had known us as a couple you would be very surprised about what has happened, most people were always commenting on how much he seemed to adore me. right now i have no idea what his motivations were, but everytime i speak to him i want to stab him.. so im refraining from speaking to him or seeking an explanation at the minute SO thanks to everyone who's been supportive, **** knows what his problem is but im getting over it seeing as he's been such a dick to me, and i just posted him this link, so any extra abuse toward him would be welcome.. ha
Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML
mets300 tells us more.
mets300 8
Hey guys op here again. I was so overtired that I couldn't quite put it together that one should in fact unfold a folding chair to properly use it. I should have made this clear, I suppose, based on the colossal backlash I've received. Thanks, all.
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
zahra_786 tells us more.
Hey guys OP here! I loved reading the comments! So this was the first week or so he had moved in, so I set up my playstation 3 for us and the other three flatmates to allow him to get to know us and speak to us since he was new here! When I kept beating him, he started shouting stuff in Italian (he's a foreign student) and then at the end he started using my religion as the reason for my win! LOL. I also beat his ass on FIFA..but he had no ridiculous excuse there ! :Dp.s. he's hopefully moving out soon so its all good!
Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML
AAMBC4 tells us more.
AAMBC4 0
OP here. Some of these comments crack me up, but thank you for the chuckle. My daughter is the light of my life and truly has a sense of humor and intelligence beyond her short 3 years. I appreciate the support of most and I am happy to have this to share with her as she gets older.
Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML
MrKento tells us more.
MrKento 15
:l Apparently it wasnt a good Idea to let know my grandparents that people thought they were awesome cause of their public stunt....
Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML
soakedga tells us more.
OP here- yeah I did wrap up in a sheet. No extra uniforms that I could get to- they were all locked in the GM's office. And I'm a woman small enough to be pulled into the pool by a cleaning robot. Oh- there was a camera that I managed to avoid for the most part, but my boss did get a kick out of seeing me trying not to let the sheet fall while I shoved my clothes in the dryer.
Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML
dancekat tells us more.
dancekat 7
Hey, OP here, we had a big laugh about it afterwards. He knew I would love the reference. There was only one nick and he was pretty concerned after he made the joke. P.S. I've loved reading all these comments; they're amazing!
Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML
moosy0_o tells us more.
moosy0_o 15
OP here. A few comments: the cashier was a guy, not a girl. I don't know why most of you think that. Also, there were two elderly people waiting in line who were laughing and berating me as some of the commenters here are doing. And I'm a woman from Belgium, not the Netherlands (but FML didn't ask for my country when I posted it). I WAS already out of the store and going home when I noticed it, so I needed to go back into the store, wait for a slow customer to pay while the rest of the cue was wondering why I was standing there like a complete idiot, and then explain to the cashier why I wanted to pay for the bread. By the way, the freshly baked, honestly-payed-for, Italian bun was delicious, after I had cleansed my palate from the disgusting comments I received.
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML
Kotoko_fml tells us more.
LOL These comments are all hilarious. xD Yeah, I admit, I probably DID deserve it =P Lotto tickets are a money drainage.. =/ Course, you win a few times.. here and there, you get addicted thinking "OK! I am going to win this time!" Yeah.. I really need to stop buying them all the time. It's pathetic how much money I've wasted.. =/ I vote YDI for myself, lol.
Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML
easteryegg tells us more.
Op, here. I'm fifteen years old and am absolutely not a pedo. I am a boy and thought that I was doing something good for the girl. All of the comments about healthy eating habits are not true, the woman was buying a lot of candy, but wouldn't let the girl have the rabbit. Idk why, she reminded me of my little cousin and I decided to buy it for her. The mother did keep the rabbit, though, so I don't know why she lashed out at me :/
Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML
NYmets456 tells us more.
Just so you know, everything has worked out fine. The mailman was pretty nice about it. He had to wash off the back of the truck, and pay a little money to help fix it.
Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML
MilleeMacabre tells us more.
Yes. He was drunk. That's my husband for ya.
Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML
ItsAnanya tells us more.
Hey guys! It's OP :] So most of you were confused as to why she would hit me for calling my uncle...uncle. She thought I was insulting him and making him feel old and by extension implying that SHE was old. She also blamed it on the fact that it seemed as I was trying to hit on him ? ( I'm still confused about that one ) Thank heavens my uncle puts family first. Miss.Pack-A-Punch is out of our lives for good !
Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML
ak_6694 tells us more.
ak_6694 16
Would love to ban her, but she puts into a machine in an hour what I earn behind the bar in 8, so they won't ban her anytime soon. And they don't have to pay the machine wages or anything; it's a little depressing to know the welfare and common hygiene of my workplace is second to gambling revenue. -OP
Today, I was telling my aunt that I had achieved my blue belt in karate. Looking at my short hair, she says, "You're going to end up a lesbian." Thanks Aunt L. Love you too. FML
colorguard13 tells us more.
colorguard13 11
No, she doesn't use FML. I just didn't want to out and say her name.
Today, I boarded my first airplane flight. The girl on my right is sick, and the guy on my left says he gets extremely nauseous on flights. My earphones can't block out the panting and retching on either side of me. FML
Leanne798 tells us more.
Leanne798 25
Yeah, OP here, this was a flight to the Philippines from California...14 hours of fun...
Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML
esbemebe1113 tells us more.
Hi, this is OP. I loved all of your comments and read every single one. I couldn't believe this got on the site! Thanks to number #22: I loved you're comment and made me feel loads better. I love that everyone was so understanding. What's strange is that although I am a painfully awkward, I usually just get really red when I have to talk to the class. Thankfully I have a lot of good friends in real life to comfort me. (and a few new internet ones!) Thanks for finding my life entertaining!
Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML
Imafishyfishy tells us more.
Oh wow! It actually got posted! I'm the OP here, and I'm 19, the reason I'm confused is because when I finished high school he and I were going to move down to Florida together so I could go to college, and I got really sick, so we stayed here. My mom was completely fine with it when we were going to move out of state but now that we're moving to the apartment complex not even a mile away. I asked her for clarification and she told me that I knew what she meant. So I asked my dad, and he told me the same thing. I think they might be screwing with me.
Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML
arsenicalhumor tells us more.
Hello, OP here.. Yes, there is way more to this story, but it was too long for the FML post. So, I once had to go to a Cash Money Store, two christmas 's ago, because I had no money and just lost a job, needing Christmas presents- I sold my soul to one of those stores. For months on end that Cash Money store kept taking money from me (even though I gave them what they needed back) and ever since then, once every two months the bank would make excuses as to why they'd need all of my money, examples: "Oh the Cash Money Store took OUR money and so we are taking YOURS " , "Oh there is this fee you never payed this month and so we took extra" "Oh it's this mandatory add-on that we put on people's accounts" ,in the end I told them I wanted to switch banks, and that's when they started to accuse me of identity theft. Now mind you- I still look the same, I don't age quickly, and so in the end their arguments were invalid, but because they are a bank, it is a little difficult to just be like "Oh, your branch is wrong, and I am right" yes I did switch banks, and I hope this helped with some of the confusion. Thank you :).
Today, I told my husband that a guy I work with told me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever met. My husband replied, "He needs to get out more." FML
Candycane88 tells us more.
Lol he wasn't joking, but he wasn't trying to insult me either, in his mind that comment was trying to insult the guy hitting on me, strangely my hubby adores me and is a great guy, it's just funny the way it came out.
Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML
brittyed tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here. Posted this before I made a username. I didn't actually place her on my shoulder, I was sitting on the couch letting her run around next to me and she decided to climb up my chest and onto my shoulder. Suddenly I heard this weird crunching sound next to my head and I picked her up and saw the clump of hair hanging out of her mouth! Then it was like playing tug-of-war with a dog. She would NOT let go. I didn't think I'd have to pull as hard as I did just to pull something out of a guinea pig's mouth lol! I didn't want her getting sick so I put her back in her cage and threw the hair in the garbage.
Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML
Gixie tells us more.
Gixie 25
Alright. Where to start. 1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy". 2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me. 3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself. 4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake. 5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts! 6) I do not live in Ghana.
Today, I saw some pictures of my boyfriend drunkenly kissing his ex on Facebook. I asked him about it, and he reassured me the pictures were from months ago. Unfortunately for him, I happened to notice a small tattoo on his neck. The same tattoo I went with him just last week to get. FML
kaikaicaligirl tells us more.
Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
DommeAshlee tells us more.
DommeAshlee 11
This is OP. Mama and babies are safely tucked away in the guest bedroom. The mom put up one hell of a fight and i have the scratches to prove it. All six kittens are doing fine. Spoke to my friend, she admitted to lying about spaying the cat. I told her she could pay the vet bills and buy me a new mattress.
Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML
Iceman226 tells us more.
Iceman226 17
The dates were actual dates, she knew it. We had cuddle and make-out sessions as well. After that night I talked with her on where things were going. Turns out she still has feelings for her Ex overseas (there in a complicated relationship so technically it's not even her Ex) and she was just using me because she got "lonely." I'll admit that I deserved some of what I got as I was ignorant and blinded but it still sucks. Oh, haha, she says I'm one of her best friends and she still wants to be friends. Seriously FML
Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML
meetrasan tells us more.
I'm OP. My husband couldn't hold his liquor over a few beers if his **** and balls depended on it. It's been a topic of arguments for a while already and this is the final straw. But it's kind of a funny situation if you think about it, that's why I posted it. To any stupid people that are going to ask how can he afford to go out drinking, read my other comment. And I KNOW someone's going to ask how could I afford a computer or a phone to post this, and my answer is: I don't buy a new computer or phone every day, shit head. I could sell my computer, but you try going without easy internet access in this day and age. We'll survive.
Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML
jisaac09 tells us more.
"In there" as in in the same room. We just got done eating and I guess something didn't agree with her. I guess this beats the alternative (******** in the floor outside the bathroom). She was kind enough though to flush. I turned my head upside down and let the scolding hot water run into my nose. I feel clean.