Transportation: Today, I boarded my first airplane flight. The girl on my right... - FML

By Leanne798 - 30/03/2013 23:16 - United States

Today, I boarded my first airplane flight. The girl on my right is sick, and the guy on my left says he gets extremely nauseous on flights. My earphones can't block out the panting and retching on either side of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 416

You deserved it 2 340

Leanne798 tells us more.

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Monday 1 April 2013 23:01

Yeah, OP here, this was a flight to the Philippines from California...14 hours of fun...

Taking stock

Commando

Bye Herbie

Contact tracing

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 227

By Eloy Ymer - 22/08/2010 23:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 049

You deserved it 2 553

By Welpthatwasfast - 10/06/2016 07:57

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 316

You deserved it 2 104

Miss Pissy

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 1 789

By MgmEboy - 19/09/2009 21:36 - Canada

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 294

You deserved it 268 481

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 16:00

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 590

Dating is hell

By CEO - 10/05/2014 02:37 - United States - Bristow

Spicy

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 533

You deserved it 6 469

By lilrudegirl - 22/06/2010 02:12 - France

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 241

You deserved it 3 300

By notmysistersbf - 20/04/2015 02:39 - Canada - Summerland

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 607

You deserved it 3 928

Cheating cheater

By anahira6 - 27/09/2013 19:41 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 606

You deserved it 3 022

By inchetogb - 15/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 549

You deserved it 3 399

Infectious laugh

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 382

On deaf ears

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had breakfast with my roommate and he was so loud, my ears felt ready to burst. If I even suggest he needs his hearing checked, he erupts like Mt. Vesuvius. Everyone agrees, he has no "inside voice" and they don't know how to handle his near-shouting to your face either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 61

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 20:00

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 05/04/2013 16:26 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 889

You deserved it 3 008

By fishtacos - 01/12/2014 03:32 - United States - Fontana

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 037

You deserved it 6 710

By First World Problems - 08/01/2016 14:34 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 390

You deserved it 1 754

By JPPUDLY - 11/12/2012 23:03 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I had to create a perfect society in English class; the best society has their grade go up a full letter. After tons of preparation and thinking, I lost to an island made only of cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 209

You deserved it 2 353

By FUCK YOU - 08/08/2014 21:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 370

You deserved it 15 116

By Whatever01 - 10/03/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 188

You deserved it 93 922

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 071

You deserved it 7 994

SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 14:00 - United States - Verona

Today, it was one of those days when my housemates thinks they can bug me every five minutes when I'm trying to work from home. Doing this or talking about that, wrecking my train of thought on complicated work until it's a railyard of disaster. Is it five o'clock yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 02/05/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 092

You deserved it 9 965

By horribleday - 20/06/2017 09:00 - United States - Ozark

Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 634

You deserved it 405

By xharmonyx - 24/04/2012 08:29 - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's pee so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 743

You deserved it 70 918

By Anonymous - 20/03/2018 15:00

Today, while bagging at a grocery store, a customer had me use some canvas bags he'd brought with him. This wouldn't have been a problem had they not reeked strongly of cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 718

You deserved it 204

By Ab - 10/02/2009 01:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 257

You deserved it 42 594

By soembarrassed - 02/08/2009 13:40 - Australia

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 387

You deserved it 12 430

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 856

You deserved it 3 990

By poorman - 18/11/2013 22:14 - United States - Derwood

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 896

You deserved it 10 300

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 08:47 - United States - Evansville

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 2 904

By Jen - 20/10/2016 16:32

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 701

You deserved it 609

By dickofbrokendreams - 02/03/2015 05:14 - United States - Waynesville

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 899

You deserved it 3 458

By Anonymous - 07/09/2015 15:49 - United States - Bradenton

Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 573

You deserved it 25 574

By iharethissomuxh - 11/11/2010 05:30 - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 454

You deserved it 5 185

By moobysrocks - 20/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 007

You deserved it 9 591

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 13:29 - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cop laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 088

You deserved it 32 135

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 22:46 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Spicy

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 749

You deserved it 12 299

By dab1230 - 07/02/2013 00:26 - United States - Binghamton

Spicy

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 704

You deserved it 42 487

By RayneSong - 20/11/2012 23:25 - United States - Lansing

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 988

You deserved it 1 810

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Top comments

DEATHBYEX1LE 11

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:48

Ask a flight attendant if there is any free spots you could move to. I've asked before, and they let me move(I was next to the most annoying kid).

wjh100 13

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Sunday 31 March 2013 11:19

yes buy sub-par headphones where 90% of what you pay for is the name.

Comments

young_weezy_fml 3

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Sunday 31 March 2013 11:21

Beats are the most overrated and overpriced pieces of crap you can get. Get something else if you don't want to look like a hipster.

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Sunday 31 March 2013 11:48

Maybe instead of listening to Lil Wayne you should invest in an education.

CharresBarkrey 15

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Sunday 31 March 2013 12:54

Beats are horrible, don't waste your money. The sound leaks out for everyone around you to hear, and the earbuds that came with my iPod sound better.

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Sunday 31 March 2013 17:06

The best earbuds (though who the hell could afford them) are JH Audio JH16's (8 drivers per ear, custom molded). Although honestly my $50 SkullCandy's work fine for me…

SweetasCandy0609 28

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:48

you should invest in some beats by dre those headsets will tune anything out.

wjh100 13

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Sunday 31 March 2013 11:19

yes buy sub-par headphones where 90% of what you pay for is the name.

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Monday 1 April 2013 2:21

The shitty headphones they provide you with on the plane are as good as Beats.

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Tuesday 2 April 2013 22:43

It made no sense that your comment got so many negative votes. :|

DEATHBYEX1LE 11

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:48

Ask a flight attendant if there is any free spots you could move to. I've asked before, and they let me move(I was next to the most annoying kid).

Gunnie 24

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

justalittlebit 4

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Monday 1 April 2013 0:10

I don't think you want to tell someone with people being sick on either side to "Suck it up." Is it just me or is that a really bad choice of words..

vanessa09865 23

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Tuesday 2 April 2013 3:49

#4, I do hope you realize that you used the wrong 'butt'. Butt means your buttocks, ass, arse, behind, etc. In this case it should be 'but', which means yet, except, on the contrary, unless, if not, etc.

young_weezy_fml 3

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:49

thank you for making my comment better with better spelling and more description

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Sunday 31 March 2013 15:05

Don't forget grammar and of course the illusion of being educated. As long as you keep talking like you're from the ghetto, you will get down voted here.

Fmlsea 28

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:50

it times like this, when good earphones and really loud heavy music are in order . better luck next time op.

a17eathshot1 11

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:51

Haha time for a long bathroom break to get away from them

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:53

What about the smell? I couldn't handle being in your shoes, I'm a sympathetic puker >.

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:54

I fly all the time and that's never happened to me. Try to think of this as a freak occurrence

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Sunday 31 March 2013 10:59

This is why I hate airplanes.

SillyGirl4602 23

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Sunday 31 March 2013 12:31

It is not always like this on planes. I have never had this happen to me and I have been on hundreds of flights. The worst that has happened to me was getting stuck next to a very obese man. Planes aren't for everyone though.

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Sunday 31 March 2013 18:39

All of MY plane flights have been smooth, as well. Never had many problems aside from the occasional kid crying many rows away in either direction. I do hate planes, but more because of the lack of sanitation and the possibility of crashing. The possibility of being near some nauseous or sick person is slimmer than the other possibilities.

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Sunday 31 March 2013 22:20

Really? Wait, you're both men huh? I once had the passenger next to me (who I didn't know) ask me if I wanted to join the "mile high club". Then I couldn't change seats.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 120

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 295