Health: Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off...

By Kotoko - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

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29227

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Kotoko_fml tells us more :

LOL These comments are all hilarious. xD Yeah, I admit, I probably DID deserve it =P Lotto tickets are a money drainage.. =/ Course, you win a few times.. here and there, you get addicted thinking "OK! I am going to win this time!" Yeah.. I really need to stop buying them all the time. It's pathetic how much money I've wasted.. =/ I vote YDI for myself, lol.

Health

Good kid

The runs

Run, run away pronto

By mad flyer - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

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30495

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By Anonymous

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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1237

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By ugh - United States

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56542

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10338

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2021 07:59

Sometimes, family shouldn't stick together

Today, I learned that my family only came to the state I live in because my great grandfather was caught molesting his own children. He was never convicted. FML

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800

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57674

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3170

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21148

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33369

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Denied

Today, an Air Force recruiter called me. I've been wanting to join the Air Force for 5 years now. After chatting on the phone with him for 10 minutes, I mentioned to him that I had asthma. He quickly told me I can't join any of the military branches, and to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1724

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425

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By KDM - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24885

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By honutattoo - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

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30898

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By Anonymous

All kinds of wrong

Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1645

You deserved it

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By CassidyQueen - United States - Warrenton

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31114

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By TheSacredTeddyBear - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

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48869

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By evil - United States

Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML

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43901

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By overpriced coffee shop worker - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23031

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By Anonameow

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13817

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2484

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By Savannah - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39986

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2916

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By jameen - United Kingdom - Tadley

Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML

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28630

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By loveloves154

Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3878

You deserved it

245

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By WTF - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

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25589

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By anun - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

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31754

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

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18651

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

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18016

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By fmymouth - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

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25714

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By Macdaddy - France

Heimlich

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

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25951

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3441

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By sexyconvo - United States

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

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23379

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By something

Today, I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML

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1310

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2451

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By Davey Crocker

Stay safe, wear a hazmat suit

Today, my coworker volunteered me to drop laptops off at two sites outside our normal areas. I asked if they were safe from COVID-19. "I don't know, but you're young. You'll be okay," responded the man who's been working from home for weeks. FML

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1494

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165

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By dooommage - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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28031

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14950

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By Sleep Walking - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

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30764

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9165

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By scaredtosleep - United Kingdom

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

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67736

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By anon - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

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11817

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685

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By littlemisstiny - Ireland

Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit next to her friend. Minutes later, a child sitting behind me threw up on my head, while the girl I had swapped with and her friend laughed hysterically as I attempted to wipe the puke from my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51706

You deserved it

3954

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By awkwardparents - United States - Burlingame

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

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23732

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4151

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By BeatByA9yrold - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46615

You deserved it

4661

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By Depressedegg

He can run, but he can't hide

Today, my toddler realised that my pregnancy means I can't move easily anymore. He celebrated his freedom by doing everything he's not allowed to, and staying just outside my reach at all times. He loves his new game, and it looks like he's not going to stop anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5607

You deserved it

777

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34326

You deserved it

4726

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By Chelstable

Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14616

You deserved it

1471

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By Dude - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to school after missing the first 2 weeks of the new school year. I got grilled in my first lesson by my teacher for "gallivanting around on holiday in some sunny place" when I should've been at school learning. My dad had died from liver cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62474

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2925

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

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45517

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Top comments

By Pleonasm | 34

#5437312 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:19

You say that last part as if you were surprised or something.
And you must reaaaaaaaly have been eager. Don't you know those things are a money sink?

By Talooka | 10

#5437313 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:20

Did you buy another ticket for your other arm?

COMMENTS

By Pleonasm | 34

#5437312 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:19

You say that last part as if you were surprised or something.
And you must reaaaaaaaly have been eager. Don't you know those things are a money sink?

MrSassypants | 32

#5437317 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:23

With the garbage disposal always on.

Snowkeys | 11

#5437353 - Saturday 6 April 2013 14:07

Damn you're just rolling in the cash. Who needs a pension when you have 2 dollar scratch tickets.

tjv3 | 10

#5437997 - Sunday 7 April 2013 1:37

I'm sure the one winner of the 350 million thought it was a money sink... Oh wait nah he didn't

NeatNit | 32

#5438373 - Sunday 7 April 2013 7:08

Quit while you're ahead. They wouldn't be selling them unless they were statistically making a profit, and the more you buy the more you fall into statistics.

By Talooka | 10

#5437313 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:20

Did you buy another ticket for your other arm?

Pleonasm | 34

#5437318 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:24

Might as well go for a full body work out while you're at it, OP. Never miss leg day.
These things cost an arm and a leg.

Wimoweh | 10

#5437326 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:31

Full body workout? I'm trying to see how he'd manage an ab crunch. Ooh ooh, I know! Tape it to his knees, and then put a quarter in his mouth, and every rep scratch a bit off.

Padreschargers7 | 14

#5438438 - Sunday 7 April 2013 8:35

Talooka!

By jessmeatsix | 5

#5437315 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:21

oops, that sucks!

wldd0g | 9

#5437496 - Saturday 6 April 2013 16:47

Someone needs to workout.

By DocBastard | 38

#5437319 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:25

Be careful next time you masturbate...

Pleonasm | 34

#5437323 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:28

Anyone ever get their hand stuck in or something, Doc?

gracehi | 31

#5437342 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:45

Wouldn't surprise me. Damn tilted uterus.

mattlw | 25

#5437410 - Saturday 6 April 2013 15:57

Lets be honest, we were all thinking it. It just needed someone with the nuts to say it! Good call Doc.

TheGodDamnJoker | 9

#5438426 - Sunday 7 April 2013 8:22

OP I would disagree with your statement.
From my point of view it appears as though you won a trip to the hospital.

By gracehi | 31

#5437322 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:28

You sure are eager to pay your poor tax. If everyone was so cooperative we could really stick it to the IRS and make half of them unemployed.

gc327072 | 29

#5437655 - Saturday 6 April 2013 19:18

^wut

By SnuWolf | 15

#5437324 - Saturday 6 April 2013 13:30

How do you pull a muscle from scratching a lottery ticket? I get that you were eager but unless you moved your entire arm furiously while scratching I see it impossible to do so.