By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 14:39 - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks 62 427
You deserved it 6 181

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That's the most original fml I've ever heard.

Omg I almost died laughing

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That's the most original fml I've ever heard.

Oh thats so sad. Yet so funny :)

I would say that you only lost your virginity if the shoe entered your vaginal cavity. That truly would be a FML.

Was it good?

That's horrible but so funny

I didn't think this was possible.

You're an ice cream Sunday with a cherry on top, but be careful cherry 'cause I'm the king of pop. If you know who that's from, you get a brownie point.

Did the shoe atleast take you out on a date first? Did the kicker confuse you for being her ex-boyfriend?

Maybe this is this the same girl who was mistaken for some stranger's ex-boyfriend.

Man do I hate the phrase "losing your virginity". Why place so much importance on *losing* something and cast it in such a negative light, when in reality you are actually *gaining* something amazing. I know the phrase has it's roots in the very conservative and oppressive past, but why do we still use it if we're doing everything else to distance ourselves from it and be more open minded as a people?

Because she can't Give her virginity to a shoe?

#52, the past has not always been "conservative". It depends on where you are in the world and in what era. And I don't believe that saying you "lost your virginity" is inherently negative. Some people place a value on it in the sense that they only want to share sexual intimacy with someone they love. Others couldn't care less and see losing their virginity as a good thing in itself. You are being close-minded if you automatically assume people mean it to be negative.

34, is it from "Candy Man, lollipop" by Agua? The same group that sings "I'm a barbie girl"?

I didn't say the past has always been conservative, I was referring to the specific periods and places that is was. Also, I think you're misinterpreting my point. I completely understand waiting until you love and trust someone to have sex, which is even more the reason I don't like that phrase. If you're with someone that means this much to you, you're not *losing* anything at all, but you are *gaining* a new level in your relationship. I never said anything about having sex just for the sake of having had sex.

64- nope, hahah.

Justin Bieber? :3 @34

34- Bo Burnham, DUH!

Err, shrooms, in that case I can make the same argument about the negative connotations of Carrie Fisher "losing 50 lbs".

We have a winnerrrr.

109, No, you can't. No one is understanding what I'm trying to say, but that's fine with me. I'm not out to change anyone's mind anyway, it's just something I've been wondering. This one thing is just a tiny part of a greater collection of ideas that drive people's negative and ignorant assumptions about sex. Perhaps someone else could explain it better than I could at this moment. Regardless, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just when people misunderstand the opinion of others, they can't really argue against it. The fault lies on both our shoulders though.

114, you are making my head hurt. Just shut the fuck up because your point is irrelevant to the fML. Op did not "gain" anything, her and the shoe did not get to a higher level in their relationship, and getting your hymen torn by means of getting kicked is definitely not something to be positive about.

Did the shoe light up a cigarette after?

Was it a girl that mistook you for her ex?

I made your head hurt? Great! Really, I don't see why everyone is getting so worked up over nothing. People just love a good fight don't they?

Shrooms. When someone says they lost their virginity it is because before you have sex you are known as a virgin and after your first time you no longer have it. Regardless of anything you gain you always lose your virginity. Now do you see why it's called that?

I *know* that 150. My god, people. Gaaaah! I think this whole argument killed off half my brain cells. I'll be in my lab regrowing them.

The reason everybody is on your case is because you had this irrelevant point you were trying to make and you seem to be under the impression that your logic is so profound that nobody comprehends what you are saying. I get it, you think that "losing your virginity" is a negative term and people should look at sex in a more positive light, using a nicer term such as "share" or "give", but do you honestly think op is serious when she implied she had sex with a shoe? Do you think when asked if she is a virgin she is going to look back on this moment and say no? Your comments are idiotic not because we don't agree with the point you are making, which would be acceptable in some other situation, but because of it's irrelevance.

See, 168, there's a case of a misunderstanding. It was meant in response to 19, and everyone else who used the phrase in the comments. I never claimed the idea itself was so profound and beyond anyone's comprehension. It was just a comment to get people to give it a little thought. I never would have imagined it would turn into such a huge thing. I don't see how what I said was such a big deal.

At least the shoe will stick around :)

Shrooms, the only reason it was irritating was because you made no attempt to clarify what you were saying. You merely claim that no one understands you and everyone is entitled to their opinion, yet somehow ours was wrong. 19 didn't claim that it would be a real FML if she lost her virginity, but that it would be one if she lost it to a shoe. (stating in this case that losing one's virginity occurs when something enters the vaginal cavity...tampon and all I guess) There was nothing negative written about actually losing one's virginity.

shroomsonacid, I just wanted to say that I am seriously considering submitting your name and only you're name to fml if all you do is cry about funny fmls. get a life

185, Fair point on the first part of your post, but my comment regarded only the phrase "losing your virginity". Never did I say that 19 was saying anything negative about it. I only wanted to get people thinking about the phrase itself, and how it doesn't fit, in my opinion. Something similar to how some people don't like the word "retard" being used to refer to mentally challenged people because it carries negative connotations. I didn't want to start a goddamn war with everyone about nothing.

In the immortal words of the great philosopher Socrates: arguing on the Internet is the same as competing in the special Olympics, even if you win you're still retarded.

True, shrooms, but you don't explain how "losing your virginity" carries negativity with it. The only thing you made an emphasis on was the word "losing" and apparently that word alone makes the phrase offensive. Please correct me if that interpretation of what you said is wrong. edit: do the above by actually correcting the interpretation, not merely stating that it is wrong as previously done.

I don't know many guys who shamefully tell their buddies they lost their virginity, unless you count the high fives and cheers to be a negative reaction.

Well, to put it most simply, what is virginity associated with? Purity, innocence, cleanliness, integrity, virtue (all are synonyms), holyness, etc. If you "lose your virginity" it carries the connotation of losing these things, and implicitly becoming the opposite. In my opinion, that casts it in a negative light. Since we've been trying to distance ourselves from other archaic sexual beliefs, (such as a woman who has sex outside of marriage automatically being a whore), why not give this phrase a thought as well? It's really very simple, I didn't think I'd have much to explain. This is how a discussion should go.

What the hell are you guys? A bunch of philosophers? Who cares, honestly?

Your explanations are pointless, connotations of phrases and words change overtime and are dependent on individual experiences. Please, don't spend any more energy on this topic, as most of us aren't hung on on the phrase like you.

epic essay arguments are epic

Shrooms, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. Notice why all of your comments have at least -15 thumbs?

Hey shrooms,all you'r comments are getting thumbed down,and if your loosing so many brain cells,why don't you shut the fuck up?

please go back to the hippie farm.

Holy shit, SHUT THE FUCK UP, both of you. Damn.

229, If anyone is hung up on it, it's the people blowing this out of proportion acting like I raped their mother. This is probably the dumbest and most unnecessary "argument" of the century. I'll gladly end this. 231 & 232, I'm not here for some popularity contest, so I don't care.

I think it's the act of sex, and not the physical breaking of your seal that causes the loss of virginity. Why do you think my hand didn't count 5 years ago?

Shrooms, that's a very biased definition of virginity. How about the other synonyms that include inexperience, naivety, frigidity, untouched, unused, uninitiated, uninformed? There is no need to ignore the other definitions just because it doesn't fit into the point you were trying to make.

I'm not ignoring them, but contrary to popular belief I'm not deadset on this, so I don't see a reason to discuss this any further. Next I'll say I like pie and everybody will be all up on my ass about how I'm some crazy pie nazi who wants every food in the world converted to pie form. Good day to you all.

ShroomsonAcid - Druggies aren't allowed to make points. You have no rights.

Ok i bet u would be proud of gaining that.. SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY TO A FUCKING SHOE!!!!

Go fuck a shoe and stop talking horse shit

This shrooms person needs to Shut The Fuck Up with these comments that could be considered as essays.. Damn

That's a pretty ignorant comment, 275. And 276 I said I won't be doing this anymore but fuckin seriously? Again with the shoe? Does anybody read anymore?

Today, I was so bored that I read this entire argument. FML

don't you know, 224? everyone on the Internet is a philosoper.

Shrooms I understand your point and it certainly has weight to it. I never looked at it that way, thank you for sharing. I hope people read what you had to say instead of just auto-disliking.

I read it, Shrooms, and understood your perspective. Remember, this is a site where people are annoyed with happy people and cheer when their happy asses are fired...

Seriously, people, you all need to lighten up! Or the shoe might come for you.

That's just... Classic!

287, I do now, thanks for filling me in!

Shrooms, I'm getting a little tired of thumbing down your comments. It'd be nice if you would just accept that both sides are correct and move on with your life. For goodness sake, your arguing over the use of the term "loose"

U must be high

Lol, see, something good can come out of all this - giving bored people everywhere something to do and bash their head into their desk over. No one is making you read this, after all. Thank you all for making me laugh on this very slow and boring day. Thanks also to those of you who actually read my comments, and either defended them or argued over an *actual* thing I said instead of taking it out of context. I'm always open to revising my opinion on the matter if I turn out to be wrong, but fuckin shit, guys! 301 - I wasn't arguing my point, because my point was NEVER about virginity in relation to the frickin SHOE, and people still don't get that.

If you have a good perception of Virginity, Shrooms, your argument is excellent. But I personally disagree with you because I see virginity as a bad thing, that you should get rid of (depending on your age and beliefs). Losing really doesn't have a negative meaning to me. Like gaining weight can be negative even if gaining is a plus. Still, I agree that losing can be considered as negative... Find me an expression that means the same thing, fits well, is well understood and uses only positive words and you totally win. I'm not saying you can't find such an expression, I've just been unable to figure it out by myself.

Shoe-using virgin hunter strikes again

Ooh, mutant human-shoe babies !!

*in 2 Bucks voice* Man, thatwasoneofthemostoriginalfmlsiveeverseen!

Will the child have a sole? Lol sorry, I just had to make a pun!

WTF? What happened to all the previous comments?

Yes oh yes good pun! Totally necessary!!

Did it feel good after you adjusted?

First and 492 likes. That's impressive. Now, is this legit cause that sounds insanely awkward.

OP, was it as good for you as it was for the shoe?

I... I... I... No comment. I don't know wether to laugh or cry.

HowAreYouToday 34

XD both, in that order

Lol the comment above me made me LOL. Well...im fat too =P

This is my 69th comment. Congratulations.

How are you going to explain this to your next bf?

330 OWKAY BAYBAY. Seriously though, good reference. You have my respect. Also, this comment has a ton of likes. Or thumbs.

same thing happened to me in 5th grade

What does pop my cherry even mean??????

523- you are how old? use google! don't make us corrupt you!

523 - for real!? What are you 5? If you don't know what that means then you're probably not old enough to be on fml.

Omg I almost died laughing

Unfortunetly 'almost' why im so furius amd serius ???

128 - My translator broke trying to decipher what language you are speaking in.

they say your first time hurts

I guess this fml is a "shoe-in" for you, 2.

129 - I had to pay extra for my iPod to be able to translate retard. It was well worth it, however, as now I can read FML and YouTube comments.

I just used translate.google.com in ghetto -> american english mode. It kinda translated it.

What's funny is that he calls people morons for using bad grammar in his profile! XD Talk about irony

KaanTech, as per your profile. 'yu suck' ... Your spelling is atrocious. And before you hate on people for their 'grammar' please learn some and spelling included.

A lot of girls say there first time hurts, but this isn't quite the same...

-128 gamer nerd that can't spell worth a shit

128- YOU SUCK

What did he say?

Was it good for you?

No, but the shoe enjoyed it

What if it got pregnant

Well you probably didn't finish jerking the meat and left sperm in your penis and when you got kicked in the nuts the balls probably pushed it out in shock, sad but possibly true, but since your icon shows you being a female, idk, I don't classify pussy as a crotch

I wish I could pop my cherry without having to either have sex or masturbating. Consider yourself lucky, OP. ;P Except, it's a shoe...

i heard it hurts...

think that's the most illogical comment I've ever read. crotch generally refers to the area between the legs. whether its one way or the other, a crotch is a crotch.

I'm curious...how deep could a shoe really hit? That seems really unlikely...unless it was one of those killer pointy heels girls wear!?

Exactly. Just about every woman's high heel show has absurdly pointy toes. Back in the hood, we called them roach stompers, cause you could get the roaches in the corners... (what? too much???)

Wow....hurt much?

I really wish people would stop saying, "(random word) much?"

I wish people would stop complaining about what other people say.

I wish people would love me.

55- But you're complaining about what the other guy said

the shoe will love you

I really wish 55's wish comes true.

I think people voted negatively because your ugly as fuck

How is saying hurt a random word when it's in relation to someone getting kicked?

I wish this wish will come true

204- Hey! Slow down... literally.

I wish daddy would stop hitting mommy...

Combo Breaker.

I wish I could lose my virginity...

I wish I had a skittles tree in my yard... :(

I wish I got paid in trident layers :(

I wish I could fart out of my dick

I wish weed was legal.

This is THEE funniest chain of comments I've ever read on here. Bravo everyone.

I wish I could become invisible at will, but I already know how I'd misuse that power.

it's more like pleasure much

Link5794 18

I wish I had a top hat.

I wish life was like Minecraft.

Haha I knew someone who popped their's because they were standing on a chair, fell, and their crotch landed on the backing of the chair. Yikes.

You can still have your hymen broken if you get kicked down there. It can also break from exercises, gymnastics, masturbation, etc. Doesn't mean she isn't still a virgin though. Anyone who considers their hymen breaking to be losing their virginity probably doesn't realize they lost it a long time ago. Edit: This was meant for someone else, but it's gone now.

It's totally possible, moron. Now go back to kindergarten and learn how to spell correctly and string together a half-decent sentence.

Mine hasn't and I'm 20 & pregnant. Some people have stretchy hymen. Though, it's annoying to hear "Well you must not have been with very big guys because they always break." ignorance is pretty rampant on hymen knowledge.

Their's is not a word. How can "their" possess anything?

81, who the fuck shit in your cereal this morning?! Fucking A every single thing you post is bashing someone. Enjoy the site for what it's made for not as an outlet to be a cunt

Calm down, 89. When was I bashing anyone? I can see how you can assume that with this comment, even though that honestly wasn't my intention at all. But every comment I make? Have I been sleep posting or something? I don't remember ever purposefully trying to offend or flame anyone. If anyone is being a cunt, it's you at the moment.

116 - I see you being a dick to random people on almost every FML I look at. I don't normally comment on FMLs unless i see a reason to, and so far you've given me two today

Seriously, I don't know where you're coming from. I'm the first one to admit when I made a mistake, but I have no idea why you say that. I'm not on here to fight anyone. I don't see how disagreeing with someone or raising a few questions that might go against the commonly held beliefs counts as being a dick. I'm quite baffled, since my intentions were completely different from what apparently everyone perceives them to be. Oh well.

Shrooms, streets merely put an apostrophe where is doesn't belong. No need to be a bitch about it. By the way "theirs" is a possessive pronoun that can be applied to a singular 'they', like "yours". Five seconds on Google can prevent most people from looking like an idiot. I recommend it.

Wait, correction: I've seen you trolling a bit on a few FMLs, but you werent being a dick on the FML I thought you were. So I apologize. (which is even rarer than me commenting, trust me)

Thank you for admitting that 174. It is much appreciated. And yes I know that theirs is possessive but "their's" would imply that "their" owns something. But it's beyond pointless to argue about that. Just thumb it down and be on your way. Don't we have anything better to do than overreact to FML comments today?

Misplacing an apostrophe is forgivable, but starting sentences with "and" and "but"... well now you're just asking for trouble. :P

Oh god you're right, 193!!! I have sinned!!! Quick, push me off a cliff!!!

KendalKeller 3

No one gives a flying fuck about grammer!

205 I agree that it was unnecessary. That's fine, bury it off the face off the earth. But I went through my other comments and I'm starting to wonder if everyone else is also confusing me with another person. Can't see all those asshole posts everyone is referring to. Eh, enough of clogging the comments with people getting pissed about me, I'll just let it be.

I came to read FML comments, not to be LECTURED.

One time a teacher put "some minor grammer errors" on my test. It's spelled grammar lmao

That happened to me :/

Uh, last time I checked this FML was about cherry popping, NOT a third grade grammar class... And btw, "their" is possessive. :)

Thank you, 322. It must have been free cookie day or something on the bandwagon today. I'll admit that all this did was give me a much needed laugh, but unfortunately, I've seen users on here gang up the same way and personally attack 12 year olds for saying something stupid, or sometimes completely unprovoked, just because they don't like them. Even if they post the dumbest thing in the world, and they shouldn't be on here anyway, they're 12 after all. Just bury it and leave them alone. But oh, I'm just being a hippie, I should go back to the hippie farm.

I lost my hymen at 12 because I jumped on a mini tramp the wrong way and it cut it. Not that I knew until I was almost 19 and lost my virginity on my wedding night.

There is a rogue apostrophe in "their's" but "theirs" is a legitimate word. I find it surprising you've never heard "it's theirs" as a (commonly gender neutral) response to a question relating to ownership.

That happened to me actually believe me it hurts.

412 *headdesk* Who's stupid enough not to know that? I never said theirs is not a word, I said "their's" with the apostrophe isn't one. EX: "animals" and "animal's" can both be correct depending, but "their's" does not make logical sense to ever use because "their" is not a noun and can't own anything by itself. End of lecture. *more headdesk*

grammar grandma ???? Personally, I'd like to at least see a flying fuck. Sounds like fun.

The "and" and "but" rule is a style rule, not a grammatical one. D:

does it really matter about grammar even though that was wrong...but anywayy I'm like everyone else who reads these to get a laugh, NOT a lecture about something stupid!!

Thank you, someone else that understands that. I've been a gymnast for 16 years, I fell when I was 9 and broke it on a beam. Awkward...

Yeah mine has never broken, woo!

Not possible Your still a virgin go get pitty somewhere else

Was the shoe shaped like a penis?

Funny you say that because we were just talking today about my friend put a shoe in his shirt so it looked like a boner ans then then teacher walked it

Cool story

Haha!! I'd wear em.

I agree with 182. PENIS SHOE! Lol people would be like DILDO!

This is going to be a hilarious story to tell the guy you have your first time with when he asks you why its already popped. Just think about it

A shoe penis would make being kicked in the balls just a bit more enjoyable

With a shoe that shape I dread to think what their feet look like. D:

I bet it sure hurt but you only lose your virginity one way so don't worry. You're still a virgin.

However, no one will ever believe her when she says she is.

Ottawa (Y)

Yeah and people don't understand it. My one friend who's very athletic doesn't have a "cherry" because she does sports and her bf didn't listen to her.

p.s it's called a hymen... which is the term I'd use in this case. I would rather say the shoe "tore my hymen" than "popped my cherry". But hey, that's just me trying to desexualize the accident as much as possible.

Wrong. The FMLer is a guy so he doesnt have a cunt

211- WRONG, guys have no cherry to pop. So OP can't be a guy.

Actually the guys cherry is in his butt hole.

Wow u fail lol

263- Lol oh yes

OP is a woman, Dumbshit.

you should talk to the other girl that also got kicke oh and upper cunt