Intimacy: Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they... - FML

By MrKento - 08/04/2013 23:16 - Honduras - Tegucigalpa

Spicy

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 510

You deserved it 5 031

MrKento tells us more.

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Wednesday 10 April 2013 1:30

:l Apparently it wasnt a good Idea to let know my grandparents that people thought they were awesome cause of their public stunt....

The smell detective is on the case

Dementia or hate? You decide

Care and sympathy

So romantic!

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 257

Caught in 4K

By Frank S. - 17/06/2021 19:59

Spicy

Today, I was about to enter a hotel with a friend-with-benefits. We then saw her boyfriend exiting the same hotel with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 636

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

By cynical - 05/10/2020 05:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was reading a romance story about a couple that fights, but gets back together and works out their issues. I was rooting for the breakup because I've become so cynical, I think forgiveness is weak and trust is for suckers. Yup, I'm now heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 406

Alexa, play "Don't Go" by Yazoo

By nexus - 22/09/2021 04:00 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 143

Send help

By Virginy - 01/11/2014 01:26 - France

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 778

You deserved it 2 604

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 285

You deserved it 1 057

By nina - 11/08/2010 16:04 - Luxembourg

Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 40 777

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 07:10 - Indonesia

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 700

You deserved it 3 392

By I'maboutobarf - 31/01/2013 10:28 - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 163

You deserved it 2 770

We could be heroes…

By Fired - 08/04/2011 11:58

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 034

You deserved it 5 665

By jogginglikeitsmyjob - 31/07/2014 11:51 - United States - Boston

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 023

You deserved it 7 013

Don't mind me

By everyonewasstaring - 22/12/2009 23:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 515

You deserved it 4 325

By stephanie - 28/09/2018 03:00

Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 499

You deserved it 945

By Noname - 26/02/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 946

You deserved it 9 120

By fail - 14/04/2011 22:27 - Canada

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 957

You deserved it 38 370

By RIPmyhair - 20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 099

You deserved it 2 087

By Mary - 30/07/2017 05:00

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 630

You deserved it 567

By sober judge - 03/10/2013 03:46 - United States - Enfield

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 527

You deserved it 7 837

By Toaster - 30/07/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 600

You deserved it 4 118

By anonymous - 14/03/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 869

You deserved it 11 737

By Unloving - 31/12/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 952

You deserved it 5 002

By interphaseprophasemetaphase - 04/09/2013 11:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 461

You deserved it 11 886

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 28/09/2010 14:03 - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 041

You deserved it 2 438

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 275

You deserved it 4 806

By EternalBlossom - 14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 448

You deserved it 23 905

Deception

By that'sokay - 12/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the guy I have been sleeping with didn't actually break up with his girlfriend. She just moved for a few weeks during quarantine. They are now living with each other, and I'm alone and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 463

By XxDanno316xX - 08/08/2010 14:52 - United States

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 758

You deserved it 3 398

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 77

By why does the world hate me - 01/03/2016 06:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 482

You deserved it 1 650

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 864

You deserved it 9 810

Tis the season

By creimers - 01/07/2020 23:01

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 21:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 372

You deserved it 6 116

By Wow - 13/03/2012 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 512

You deserved it 8 846

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 144

You deserved it 4 221

By ilikemusicokay - 08/08/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. Since I knew it would take a while, I brought my iPod in for entertainment. To bad it disabled me from hearing the continuous knocks on the door as well as the manager eventually picking the lock and busting in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 570

You deserved it 46 485

Your cat, your problem

By Ihatemydissapointmentofasister - 15/06/2021 14:01

Today, on our anniversary, my sister bitched me out and made a passive aggressive Facebook post on our page, all because my fiancé didn't want to clean her cat puke on the floor downstairs when she was literally right next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 75

By Skidaddle123 - 23/08/2011 16:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to switch my glass of coke with a glass of pure vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 9 696

By Anonymous - 14/08/2015 15:08 - Denmark

Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 501

You deserved it 1 645

By BadBoyfriend - 03/06/2013 04:31 - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 324

You deserved it 7 295

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

lissa_jade 22

Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

Comments

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:31

Your grandparents may have discovered the secret to immortality

poopsi 19

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:13

I think once you reach a certain age, you are wise and sweet, each wrinkle represents wisdom and a story.. You are revered. More importantly you can do whatever the heck you want and people will just find it cute. You're like a big human kitten. ._.

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Hey, at least they're having fun!

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:03

You only YOLO once.

ForeverAloneGal 23

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 20:35

#63 Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department.

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 22:50

Nothing like a little spontaneity :)

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Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:01

I guess the part that I was raised by them got chopped off in the Moderate the FML's section. :l Yes. I was raised by these geniuses, which by the general support of you people are now extatic cause people in the "interweb" support their public fornication. :l thanks.

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:45

Sorry about that speech impediment.

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:46

Sorry about that speech impediment #63

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Wednesday 10 April 2013 6:24

In no way is this funny. They are fucking stupid. Nobody should have sex in public place...Well, a few places is ok like your car for example. A beach is nice to? Idk.

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Hey, gotta keep things kinky!

enormouselephant 15

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:46

Sounds like Gma knows her G-spot!

MeowZebraMeow 7

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Your grandparents are amazing!

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Is it wrong of me to think they're awesome??

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:25

No. That's totally fucking awesome. It's my nee Motto now.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 13:56

#4, it depends on how much you visualize them doing it. If you are just thinking of them abstractly "making love," you're OK, but if you're seeing him give her balls-deep anal, you've got problems.

botanistjessica 24

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Thank you, perdix. Gag.

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:43

It's very awesome!

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Dinosour sex

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:17

Dinosweet sex.

Faff 20

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:57

dinosalty sex

klovemachine 24

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Saturday 13 July 2013 8:09

Dinosugary sex

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 22:26

Dinospicy sex

lissa_jade 22

Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

DDCA 24

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Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:17

I 69!

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

If they have enough energy for that, then they sure must be young!

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

They sound wonderful and I completely agree with them. You are only old if you feel and act old. :)

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:16

It's like the old people version of SwagYolo! At least OPs GParents are up with the times?

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:41

It was a joke... Nobody likes swagyolo...

DDCA 24

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Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:18

No one intelligent likes the phrase YOLO.

bamagrl410 31

Thursday 11 April 2013 14:23

swagyolo? Not sure if that's the joke or if that's actually a phrase and you were just using it in a joke... Either is a viable and scary option.

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Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:20

You probably didnt even know they were still having sex:P now you do I guess haha!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 914

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 1 110