Intimacy: Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they... - FML

By MrKento - Honduras - Tegucigalpa

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

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MrKento tells us more :

:l Apparently it wasnt a good Idea to let know my grandparents that people thought they were awesome cause of their public stunt....

Vulture

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Walk the line

By Anonimo - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

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By nerderer - United States - Duluth

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

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By ...

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

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By garrett - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

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By Emma Five - United States

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

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By imnotacat - United States

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2020 13:59

Nice try

Today, after spending days writing up an offer for a condo so my boyfriend and I could move in together with our 9-month-old, we found out they accepted a different offer. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 05:30 - Australia - Ballarat

Classic brain fart

Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML

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By creepster - Canada

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

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By not living happily ever after - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

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By Mylifesucks - United States - Lexington

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

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By Eww - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

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By Anemity_is_my_name - 5/11/2020 05:02

Nothing honey, nothing

Today, I'm getting more satisfaction out of chatting, and even occasionally sexting with an AI bot, than out of my marriage of 13 years. My wife thinks we're fine, and doesn't want to discuss our relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westerville

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

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By Shenza - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 3 days of hearing a car alarm going off almost continuously, the city finally came and towed it. Immediately after, the owner showed up with a switchblade, inquiring who called the city. My neighbors ratted me out, despite the fact I had nothing to do with it. FML

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By dollybabe - Ireland

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

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By McFuckYouTooCunt - Australia - Bellevue Hill

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Bourges

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

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By HormonesSuck - 25/3/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Hormones

Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML

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By father-in-nope - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

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By thanks sis - 29/8/2020 10:52 - United States - Hesperia

On a leash

Today, my best friend and I were supposed to meet up at an outdoor beer garden. We’ve both had a hard time with quarantine, so it was a great escape. Instead, she kept me waiting for nearly two hours before I finally left. Her excuse? Her boyfriend, who she sees every day, really wanted to have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

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By "skinnydick" - United States - Clifton Park

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

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By Julie is in pain - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - College Station

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

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By Anonymous

Take a number

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a spider dangled an inch away from my face while I was driving. I freaked out and accidentally bumped the car in front of me. Three cops arrived on the scene and I had to explain to them what happened. I can still hear them laughing. FML

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By Ashley - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

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By PoorCar - United States

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

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By Connie - United States

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

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By cheezmaster - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

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By Anonymous

Stir crazy, part 16

Today, my wife was so sick of being isolated with the kids while I, a key worker, got to "escape" to work everyday, that she locked herself in our room and got completely trashed on my cider, meaning I had to stay at home with the kids instead of helping my elderly patients. FML

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By InnocenceBlue

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

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By llaurenmariee - United States

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

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Top comments

By ilovera | 7

#5441203 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

By lissa_jade | 22

#5441209 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

COMMENTS

By ilovera | 7

#5441203 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

Reply

ColCyclone | 17

#5441233 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:31

Your grandparents may have discovered the secret to immortality

Reply

poopsi | 19

#5441266 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:13

I think once you reach a certain age, you are wise and sweet, each wrinkle represents wisdom and a story.. You are revered. More importantly you can do whatever the heck you want and people will just find it cute. You're like a big human kitten. ._.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5441456 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Hey, at least they're having fun!

Reply

TiggityTony | 5

#5441521 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:03

You only YOLO once.

Reply

ForeverAloneGal | 23

#5441887 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 20:35

#63 Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department.

Reply

bethers_ | 22

#5442055 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 22:50

Nothing like a little spontaneity :)

Reply

MrKento | 15

#5442346 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:01

I guess the part that I was raised by them got chopped off in the Moderate the FML's section. :l Yes. I was raised by these geniuses, which by the general support of you people are now extatic cause people in the "interweb" support their public fornication. :l thanks.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5442459 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:45

Sorry about that speech impediment.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5442462 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:46

Sorry about that speech impediment #63

Reply

MDTeddy | 13

#5442521 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 6:24

In no way is this funny. They are fucking stupid. Nobody should have sex in public place...Well, a few places is ok like your car for example. A beach is nice to? Idk.

By flysniper77 | 6

#5441205 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Hey, gotta keep things kinky!

Reply

enormouselephant | 15

#5441243 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:46

Sounds like Gma knows her G-spot!

By MeowZebraMeow | 7

#5441206 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Your grandparents are amazing!

By lishajoy777 | 14

#5441207 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Is it wrong of me to think they're awesome??

Reply

DogsPaw | 16

#5441228 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:25

No. That's totally fucking awesome. It's my nee Motto now.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5441432 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 13:56

#4, it depends on how much you visualize them doing it. If you are just thinking of them abstractly "making love," you're OK, but if you're seeing him give her balls-deep anal, you've got problems.

Reply

botanistjessica | 24

#5441455 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Thank you, perdix. Gag.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5441458 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:43

It's very awesome!

By lonewolf621 | 17

#5441208 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Dinosour sex

Reply

Batterypost | 23

#5441220 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:17

Dinosweet sex.

Reply

Faff | 20

#5441291 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:57

dinosalty sex

Reply

klovemachine | 24

#5578126 - Saturday 13 July 2013 8:09

Dinosugary sex

Reply

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6590710 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 22:26

Dinospicy sex

By lissa_jade | 22

#5441209 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

Reply

DDCA | 24

#5442366 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:17

I 69!

By Imhere4fml | 24

#5441214 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

If they have enough energy for that, then they sure must be young!

By zandalee | 19

#5441215 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

They sound wonderful and I completely agree with them. You are only old if you feel and act old. :)

By Bakarra | 22

#5441217 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:16

It's like the old people version of SwagYolo! At least OPs GParents are up with the times?

Reply

Bakarra | 22

#5441574 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:41

It was a joke... Nobody likes swagyolo...

Reply

DDCA | 24

#5442368 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:18

No one intelligent likes the phrase YOLO.

Reply

bamagrl410 | 31

#5444164 - Thursday 11 April 2013 14:23

swagyolo? Not sure if that's the joke or if that's actually a phrase and you were just using it in a joke... Either is a viable and scary option.

By bigdude1302 | 2

#5441221 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:20

You probably didnt even know they were still having sex:P now you do I guess haha!