Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they... - FML

By MrKento - 8/4/2013 23:16 - Honduras - Tegucigalpa

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

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MrKento Say more :

:l Apparently it wasnt a good Idea to let know my grandparents that people thought they were awesome cause of their public stunt....

Night terrors

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Clocked

By Sugar - 22/11/2008 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

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By justsingle - 11/5/2010 08:56 - Philippines

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

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By JustMyLuck - 12/2/2010 14:14 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML

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By wtf - 16/5/2014 22:25 - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

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By pinkpanther61789 - 17/10/2019 14:00

Thanks for the support, guys!

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2014 03:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

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By hahatofunny - 13/9/2016 19:54 - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

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By hannaholic - 3/7/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML

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By Maddie110110 - 7/6/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2017 17:08

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

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By Racked - 1/3/2016 18:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

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By Binkplugged - 5/7/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

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By deeenalynn - 18/7/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

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By st3phani3b - 26/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

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By Terra - 19/11/2016 05:14

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

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By - 19/3/2019 08:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

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By S. Dub - 10/4/2020 05:00

Acting is hard work

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

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By snorlax - 20/1/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

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By maddie94 - 27/4/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

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By - 2/2/2020 18:00

Don't worry dad

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

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By anna14 - 21/2/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

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By ring-a-ding-ding - 6/12/2014 05:18 - United States - Sparks

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

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By stillwaiting - 9/3/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

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By anon - 20/11/2015 00:53 - New Zealand

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

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By misopower - 25/7/2009 18:50 - China

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

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By alephnull - 2/2/2011 21:07 - Canada

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

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By wowthatwould - 4/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

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By Spudzy - 11/4/2012 16:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

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By Sleuth - 2/9/2018 13:00

Today, I found out why my professor accused me of not handing in an important essay before the due date. Apparently she spilled coffee all over it and didn't dare to tell me. FML

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By full moon - 8/9/2016 02:37 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

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By limeychefboy - 23/2/2018 01:30

Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home in the middle of nowhere when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML

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By DaddysGirl - 16/10/2011 10:36 - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

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By David - 1/9/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

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By Pimp Daddy - 30/4/2017 20:00

Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

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By addict - 26/8/2017 13:00

Today, after spending over a year getting clean and sober, I started feeling horrible withdrawal symptoms and couldn't understand why. It turns out my wife had been dosing my food with Adderall "to keep me on track" and just stopped. So much for my anniversary chip. FML

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By maalmawr - 2/4/2016 05:20 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

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By Mug - 24/4/2012 20:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

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Top comments

By ilovera | 7

#5441203 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

By lissa_jade | 22

#5441209 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

COMMENTS

By ilovera | 7

#5441203 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

Reply

ColCyclone | 17

#5441233 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:31

Your grandparents may have discovered the secret to immortality

Reply

poopsi | 19

#5441266 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:13

I think once you reach a certain age, you are wise and sweet, each wrinkle represents wisdom and a story.. You are revered. More importantly you can do whatever the heck you want and people will just find it cute. You're like a big human kitten. ._.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5441456 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Hey, at least they're having fun!

Reply

TiggityTony | 5

#5441521 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:03

You only YOLO once.

Reply

ForeverAloneGal | 23

#5441887 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 20:35

#63 Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department.

Reply

bethers_ | 22

#5442055 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 22:50

Nothing like a little spontaneity :)

Reply

MrKento | 15

#5442346 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:01

I guess the part that I was raised by them got chopped off in the Moderate the FML's section. :l Yes. I was raised by these geniuses, which by the general support of you people are now extatic cause people in the "interweb" support their public fornication. :l thanks.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5442459 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:45

Sorry about that speech impediment.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5442462 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:46

Sorry about that speech impediment #63

Reply

MDTeddy | 13

#5442521 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 6:24

In no way is this funny. They are fucking stupid. Nobody should have sex in public place...Well, a few places is ok like your car for example. A beach is nice to? Idk.

By flysniper77 | 6

#5441205 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Hey, gotta keep things kinky!

Reply

enormouselephant | 15

#5441243 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:46

Sounds like Gma knows her G-spot!

By MeowZebraMeow | 7

#5441206 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Your grandparents are amazing!

By lishajoy777 | 14

#5441207 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Is it wrong of me to think they're awesome??

Reply

DogsPaw | 16

#5441228 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:25

No. That's totally fucking awesome. It's my nee Motto now.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5441432 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 13:56

#4, it depends on how much you visualize them doing it. If you are just thinking of them abstractly "making love," you're OK, but if you're seeing him give her balls-deep anal, you've got problems.

Reply

botanistjessica | 24

#5441455 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Thank you, perdix. Gag.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5441458 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:43

It's very awesome!

By lonewolf621 | 17

#5441208 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Dinosour sex

Reply

Batterypost | 23

#5441220 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:17

Dinosweet sex.

Reply

Faff | 20

#5441291 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:57

dinosalty sex

Reply

klovemachine | 24

#5578126 - Saturday 13 July 2013 8:09

Dinosugary sex

Reply

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6590710 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 22:26

Dinospicy sex

By lissa_jade | 22

#5441209 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

Reply

DDCA | 24

#5442366 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:17

I 69!

By Imhere4fml | 24

#5441214 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

If they have enough energy for that, then they sure must be young!

By zandalee | 19

#5441215 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

They sound wonderful and I completely agree with them. You are only old if you feel and act old. :)

By Bakarra | 22

#5441217 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:16

It's like the old people version of SwagYolo! At least OPs GParents are up with the times?

Reply

Bakarra | 22

#5441574 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:41

It was a joke... Nobody likes swagyolo...

Reply

DDCA | 24

#5442368 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:18

No one intelligent likes the phrase YOLO.

Reply

bamagrl410 | 31

#5444164 - Thursday 11 April 2013 14:23

swagyolo? Not sure if that's the joke or if that's actually a phrase and you were just using it in a joke... Either is a viable and scary option.

By bigdude1302 | 2

#5441221 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:20

You probably didnt even know they were still having sex:P now you do I guess haha!