Intimacy: Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they... - FML

By MrKento - Honduras - Tegucigalpa

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

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MrKento tells us more :

:l Apparently it wasnt a good Idea to let know my grandparents that people thought they were awesome cause of their public stunt....

There's no helping some people

On the ball

Mystery

By blaise - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

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By bleurghh - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Castle

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

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By very very lonely

Today, I bought a friendship bracelet. I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact that I don't actually have a friend to give the other half to, or that I'm actually wearing one of them so it looks like I have friends. FML

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By Aleena Rashid

Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML

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By SwimminginSweat - United States

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

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By Sarsippius

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

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By BigFoot - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

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By thefrightening1 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

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By suspicious - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

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By disappointed - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

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By mickstinator - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

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By moe472 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By both are dimwitted - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

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By secretsant4

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

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By spleechick - United States

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

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By lobotomy pls - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

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By astalkerindeed - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

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By Rohirus - Sweden

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

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By screwed - Chile

Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML

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By WWJD - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

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By PizzaNIF - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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By supersmashpika - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML

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By whytoday - United States

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

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By meesh22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML

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By Catpiss - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

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By Diachronic - United States - Lewiston

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

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By scammerssuck - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend received a scam email about her great uncle dying and leaving her money. She not only believed it, but she also used my credit card details for it. FML

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By BLEACH Gum

Great Success

Today, I decided to finally bleach my teeth. After 45 minutes of stinging pain, my teeth are still yellow as ever. My gums, on the other hand, are opaque white. FML

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By Pelota - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

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By Obsessed - United States

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Danby

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

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By DanJames24 - 5/6/2020 14:00

Family jewels

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

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Top comments

By ilovera | 7

#5441203 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

By lissa_jade | 22

#5441209 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

COMMENTS

By ilovera | 7

#5441203 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Ahhh grandparents. That's hilarious.

Reply

ColCyclone | 17

#5441233 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:31

Your grandparents may have discovered the secret to immortality

Reply

poopsi | 19

#5441266 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:13

I think once you reach a certain age, you are wise and sweet, each wrinkle represents wisdom and a story.. You are revered. More importantly you can do whatever the heck you want and people will just find it cute. You're like a big human kitten. ._.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5441456 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Hey, at least they're having fun!

Reply

TiggityTony | 5

#5441521 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:03

You only YOLO once.

Reply

ForeverAloneGal | 23

#5441887 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 20:35

#63 Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department.

Reply

bethers_ | 22

#5442055 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 22:50

Nothing like a little spontaneity :)

Reply

MrKento | 15

#5442346 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:01

I guess the part that I was raised by them got chopped off in the Moderate the FML's section. :l Yes. I was raised by these geniuses, which by the general support of you people are now extatic cause people in the "interweb" support their public fornication. :l thanks.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5442459 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:45

Sorry about that speech impediment.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5442462 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:46

Sorry about that speech impediment #63

Reply

MDTeddy | 13

#5442521 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 6:24

In no way is this funny. They are fucking stupid. Nobody should have sex in public place...Well, a few places is ok like your car for example. A beach is nice to? Idk.

By flysniper77 | 6

#5441205 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:10

Hey, gotta keep things kinky!

Reply

enormouselephant | 15

#5441243 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:46

Sounds like Gma knows her G-spot!

By MeowZebraMeow | 7

#5441206 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Your grandparents are amazing!

By lishajoy777 | 14

#5441207 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Is it wrong of me to think they're awesome??

Reply

DogsPaw | 16

#5441228 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:25

No. That's totally fucking awesome. It's my nee Motto now.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5441432 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 13:56

#4, it depends on how much you visualize them doing it. If you are just thinking of them abstractly "making love," you're OK, but if you're seeing him give her balls-deep anal, you've got problems.

Reply

botanistjessica | 24

#5441455 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:42

Thank you, perdix. Gag.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5441458 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 14:43

It's very awesome!

By lonewolf621 | 17

#5441208 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

Dinosour sex

Reply

Batterypost | 23

#5441220 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:17

Dinosweet sex.

Reply

Faff | 20

#5441291 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 10:57

dinosalty sex

Reply

klovemachine | 24

#5578126 - Saturday 13 July 2013 8:09

Dinosugary sex

Reply

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6590710 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 22:26

Dinospicy sex

By lissa_jade | 22

#5441209 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:11

apparently things get a little wild when Monday night bingo is cancelled..

Reply

DDCA | 24

#5442366 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:17

I 69!

By Imhere4fml | 24

#5441214 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

If they have enough energy for that, then they sure must be young!

By zandalee | 19

#5441215 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:15

They sound wonderful and I completely agree with them. You are only old if you feel and act old. :)

By Bakarra | 22

#5441217 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:16

It's like the old people version of SwagYolo! At least OPs GParents are up with the times?

Reply

Bakarra | 22

#5441574 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 16:41

It was a joke... Nobody likes swagyolo...

Reply

DDCA | 24

#5442368 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 2:18

No one intelligent likes the phrase YOLO.

Reply

bamagrl410 | 31

#5444164 - Thursday 11 April 2013 14:23

swagyolo? Not sure if that's the joke or if that's actually a phrase and you were just using it in a joke... Either is a viable and scary option.

By bigdude1302 | 2

#5441221 - Tuesday 9 April 2013 9:20

You probably didnt even know they were still having sex:P now you do I guess haha!