Relationships, the best funniest jokes

757

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. I couldn't get it out, after what seemed like ages of trying. I had to ask my boyfriend to help me. He'll never look at me the same way again. FML

By Anonymous - 5/5/2021 15:01 - United States - Carson City

Corkscrew

653

119

Today, I found myself being jealous of the relationship between Ethan Klein and Trisha Paytas on Frenemies. I need a life. I need real friends. FML

By Anonymous - 5/5/2021 17:01

Forever alone

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401

Today, according to my wife, our life together is perfect. The only problem is that I no longer turn her on, haven’t for a while, so she wants my permission to have meaningless one-night stands with strangers on Tinder while carrying on with our perfect, sexless married life together. FML

By Julian - 5/5/2021 02:01

Perfect

1345

114

Today, I got a phone call from my husband in jail. He was detained for statutory rape. The girl was his 15 year-old coworker at McDonald’s. He’s 42. I can’t tell which is worse, the fact that we have a daughter the same age, or that he actually wanted me to bail him out. FML

By Anonymous - 4/5/2021 20:01

Divorce impending

1330

Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML

By CaptBlood - 4/5/2021 14:01

Shady dealings

835

Today, my mother is still insisting it must have been my fault that my husband beat me into a coma for 5 weeks, because he’s such a "nice boy from a good family" with a really successful career, so it must have been me who provoked him into it. She keeps trying to get us back together. FML

By Red curtains - 3/5/2021 11:01

Great support, mom

1708

Today, I had to admit that I'm polyamorous. Well, I'm in several relationships. Parasocial relationships. With YouTubers and Twitch streamers. I talk to them through the screen. I can't remember what it's like to have real-life friends. FML

By Lance from the Serfs is a snacc - 3/5/2021 00:30

Unhealthy relationship

311

850

Today, after my fiancé and I recently separated, their choice not mine, we decided to stay friends, and still live in the same house. Now I get the pleasure of listening to him flirt and have long conversations with some girl every night. FML

By Anonymous - 2/5/2021 15:30 - Australia

Stuck

422

773

Today, I admitted to my SO that I wanted to kill myself. They told me it was abusive to tell them that, and claimed I was just using it as a tool to control them. What they don't know is I attempted it by overdosing the other day. FML

By bloomrosalind8976 - 2/5/2021 16:59

Dark

981

166

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 21:30

Leaving makes sense

1099

Today, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner for the first time. The place was full of his ex's stuff, books on the shelves, makeup in the bathroom, clothes in the closet and even shoes on the floor. Not to mention creepy plush toys staring at me. She left him 8 years ago. FML

By Hélène - 1/5/2021 10:58

Get out, now

1056

Today, my boyfriend said we needed to talk. He called me cruel, cold and heartless and that it’s making him reconsider what kind of future we may have together. All because I hate sappy movies and don’t cry on the scenes where the dogs die. FML

By confused - 30/4/2021 05:01 - United States

Mr. Robot

699

213

Today, I'd been lonely for a while when I finally met a girl that is genuinely brilliant. She's all huggy, clingy and likes me back. Turns out she's a lesbian, so we can't be anything more. FML

By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom - Wokingham

BFF for life

795

112

Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML

By theproblemboblem - 29/4/2021 14:00

Going well, isn't it

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205

Today, my man complained about having to listen to my "emotional problems for hours." Yeah, we did talk for two hours, 90% of which was him asking for my advice on which new mattress to buy for his bed. FML

By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 05:01

My man

742

Today, I had the best time of my life with the girl of my dreams. I took her out to lunch, we went to the beach to jetski and had a romantic walk. It was the perfect day. Then, in the evening, I had to go home to my boring wife. FML

By Ethan92 - 29/4/2021 01:59

What a catch!

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Today, my girlfriend saw my secret money stash for emergencies and broke up with me, after calling me a greedy asshole and not telling her before. According to her, we could have taken a lot of trips around the country, because, "your money is mine, too." We dated for six months. FML

By Anonymous - 27/4/2021 22:59

Can't buy me love

1579

Today, after I can't count how many times, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to break MORE things in our home, because I asked him not to let our son speak to me rudely. His response, "He said 'OK' so you should have shut up." Basically, he's raising my kid to treat me like he does. FML

By Anonymous - 21/4/2021 15:30 - United States - Durham

Get out of there!

969

523

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years of being together. The reason? I don't enjoy playing video games as much as he does. FML

By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 12:00 - Romania - Orsova

Gamers rise up

794

142

Today, during an argument between me and my boyfriend, he called for his mom. She came up and told us both off and told us to stop screaming, as if we were kids. We are both well over 30. FML

By Anonymous - 18/4/2021 23:01 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Childlike

364

1023

Today, my boyfriend is spending a lot of time hyping up his female best friend who is participating in a modeling competition, trying to get her to win. When I asked this guy to help support my small business, he said he, “didn’t have time” to. FML

By Liisaz34 - 18/4/2021 00:30

Sounds fishy

951

128

Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML

By Rodolfo_el - 17/4/2021 10:59

No Ragrets

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1651

Today, I was complaining to my nana about why I can’t get a date. She proceeded to point out my appearance, lack of brains, abrasive personality, poor clothing choices, tacky tattoos, and so on. Thanks nana. FML

By Anonymous - 17/4/2021 08:00

Emotional support

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1047

Today, I flushed the toilet while my boyfriend was showering. He responded by throwing a huge fit, saying how if he “gets a cold” from being “forced” to shower in cold water, I’m gonna “have to stay home and take care of him until he’s better.” FML

By Anonymous - 12/4/2021 00:30

Big Baby

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252

Today, my son told me he's had 5 boyfriends and is currently working to improve himself before getting into another relationship. When I was his age, I was still single. My son has more game than I do. FML

By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 17:00

He got game

698

204

Today, a close friend called me to inform me of his newest relationship, and why he's kept it from me - he's been seeing his male cousin for several months and was tired of hiding it from the world. I had to keep my shock in check over the phone. FML

By MothmanKirbaby - 10/4/2021 14:00

Awkward pause

866

119

Today, the man I love and who loves me ended our relationship. Why? Because I want to work 3 days a week, which wouldn’t conform to the traditional gender roles he envisions his future wife having. FML

By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 10:59

Tradwife expectations

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169

Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He told me not to worry, he’d pay child support until it’s 18, and he’d be moved out of our flat by Friday. When I asked him why, he told me not to be stupid, no way was he being trapped into raising a kid. He didn’t even ask if it was a boy or girl. FML

By Anonymous - 7/4/2021 23:00

Overreaction Man

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592

Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML

By single again - 6/4/2021 17:00

Women shouldn't fart?

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