App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    Good night, sleep tight

    sleepy - 01/07/2019 02:10

    Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML
    1 688
    205
      

    Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

    Anonymous - 10/07/2020 23:01

    Today, my fiancé and I decided to just have a small wedding and have a big reception later, out of concern for everyone’s health and safety. My mother won’t stop asking us, “What’s the point now?” I thought our marriage was the point. FML
    1 688
    170
      

    My cousin the shitgibbon

    ladyofzanarkand - 10/06/2020 14:19

    Today, my cousin posted an article on Facebook with the caption, "This warms my heart." The article was about a teenager who was bullied to suicide for being gay. FML
    1 688
    226
      

    Traditional

    sorry - 26/04/2022 02:00

    Today, my 97 year-old grandmother told me that if I’m not married and pregnant by the time she goes, I’ll be completely excluded from her will. She went on to say how shameful it is for a woman my age to be single, choosing college over a family. I’m 21 and studying to be an oncologist. FML
    1 687
    126
      

    Logic

    Anonymous - 31/05/2021 04:01

    Today, according to my boyfriend, it’s not cheating if he doesn’t love the other woman, so if it’s just sex, it’s not cheating and I shouldn’t be upset. FML
    1 687
    161
      

    Beat It

    Anonymous - 07/09/2019 06:00 - United States

    Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML
    1 687
    184
      

    Sharing is caring

    Anonymous - 24/06/2020 20:08

    Today, when he came back to bed, I asked my flatmate who I've been sleeping since the start of lockdown, whether he had washed his hands after going to pee. He said he barely touched his dick, so he didn't need to. He likes putting his fingers in my mouth when we have sex. FML
    1 687
    711
      

    Johannes_712 - 05/07/2019 12:00

    Today, my brother is getting married to my crush of 7 years. To make that even worse, they're moving in with me. FML
    1 687
    605
      

    Alcohol is no excuse

    Carrie - 21/01/2023 22:00

    Today, after spending thousands on 4 failed IVF attempts, my husband of 3 years told me he had a drunken one night stand last month with his ex, who he said he hasn’t spoken to in years, is pregnant with his baby. There goes our future together. I thought trust and being honest meant something, but obviously not. FML
    1 687
    252
      

    What are you not getting?

    fuck no! - 19/04/2020 23:00

    Today, trying to be a little fun and flirty, I asked my husband if he wanted to play strip poker. He replied, "Nah. Not much fun with just two people." Not sure if he’s suggesting swinging or if he's really just that dense to what I wanted. FML
    1 687
    268
      

    Judgmental much?

    Steven - 03/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

    Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had two kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML
    1 686
    274
      

    I'm a meme

    karen - 27/09/2019 14:00

    Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML
    1 686
    413
      

    Fire!

    Mel Cluze - 22/10/2019 16:00

    Today, my girlfriend and I were spending the night at a hotel. We were awoken at 3 a.m. by the fire alarm. We quickly got dressed, went down the stairs to the reception area… and were told that it was a false alarm. All because some jerk lit a cigarette in his room. FML
    1 685
    165
      

    Too. Much. Information.

    knnev - 05/09/2021 08:01

    Today, I had to explain to my mother that she needed to buy a new mattress, telling her that we could hear the springs rattling every time she had sex with my dad. She then went on to explain that that is why they have sex on my bed when I'm not home. FML
    1 685
    188
      

    Who are you?

    NotlovingAgain - 14/03/2022 06:00

    Today, knowing my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me with a local girl, I decided to make a surprise visit to confront him by showing up to his home. Both of them answered the door. My boyfriend claimed to not know me, and threatened to call the cops. I ended up back at the airport in tears. FML
    1 685
    481
      

    You can talk, mate

    Anonymous - 30/07/2019 12:07 - United Kingdom - Bristol

    Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he was saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML
    1 685
    167
      

    You're in the army now, oh ohoh

    Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

    Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
    1 684
    171
      

    lalala2494 - 27/05/2019 22:05

    Today, I said, "Bless you" when someone sneezed on television. That's how lonely I am. FML
    1 684
    227
      

    Got game

    ewww - 05/07/2020 17:01

    Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML
    1 684
    259
      

    Our little bundles of joy

    Anonymous - 25/04/2021 23:00

    Today, my partner and I were both horny at the same time. I entertained our 3 kids while he jerked off, then he entertained them while I went and masturbated. We live together and this is the first time we’ve been horny at the same time since Christmas, because we’re both so exhausted. FML
    1 684
    436
      

    In the doghouse

    Anonymous - 22/11/2021 11:01

    Today, in the middle of oral sex, I got a cramp in my tongue. Yes, it's a thing that can happen. My wife didn’t believe me, and since I’d already gotten a blowjob from her, she accused me of being lazy, selfish and no good at sex. This led to a huge argument and I’m now sleeping in my truck outside. FML
    1 683
    348
      

    Scratch that

    ouch - 15/09/2019 00:01

    Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML
    1 683
    127
      

    Help this person out, please?

    Anonymous - 14/03/2020 18:00 - Netherlands - Bergeyk

    Today, I have no close friends, only "people I know and occasionally talk to." I have no idea how I got here, and how to re-socialize back. FML
    1 682
    222
      

    Running late

    Anonymous - 02/09/2020 23:01

    Today, my in-laws missed a special event for my newborn child because they were running an hour late. They always run late and always think its funny. After 15 years, it's just not funny anymore. FML
    1 682
    244
      

    Get out

    Leave me alone, bitch!!! - 20/11/2021 02:00

    Today, I found out that my mother changed all the locks of the house and threw away all of my girlfriend's stuff. I don't know what the fuck happened there. I actually bought the house two years ago because I had enought of her being nosey and controlling with both of us. FML
    1 682
    133
      

    The Times They Are a-Changin'

    Jobless - 28/03/2020 14:00

    Today, I woke up early, felt very energetic, decided to run a couple of miles and bought muffins for my colleagues on my way to the office. Then my boss told me they're shutting us down. At the end of a day that started really great, I'm jobless. FML
    1 682
    163
      

    Feelin' sexy

    Anonymous - 23/05/2020 20:00

    Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML
    1 681
    161
      

    It's mine now

    Anonymous - 26/04/2020 20:00

    Today, my best friend's boyfriend stole her car, so now she wants my car, the one that I just bought from her. FML
    1 681
    147
      

    Denial

    TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

    Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML
    1 681
    257
      

    Very fishy

    Bryce - 10/05/2020 02:00

    Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML
    1 680
    236
      
    • 1408
    • 1409
    • 1410
    • 1411
    • 1412
    • 1413
    • 1414
    • 1415
    • 1416
    • 1417

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
    31 089
    4 025
    Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML
    51 331
    4 881
    Today, I told my barber, “You cut my hair perfectly this time!” He frowned and said, “This is the first time I’ve cut your hair. Who’s been screwing it up for you?” It’s been him, for the last two years. FML
    320
    120
    Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
    30 391
    22 667
    Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML
    51 021
    6 245
    Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML
    28 104
    18 524

    © VDM SAS,

    ​