By awkward - United States

Dirty talk

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57477

You deserved it

10408

Favorite

Intimacy

Out of it

Good kid

Walk on the wild side

By Username - United States

Today, while at Six Flags my boyfriend won a huge stuffed animal for me. After a whole day of carrying it around, when he dropped me off he told me that he wants the stuffed animal back. He just didn't want to carry it around all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39177

You deserved it

3632

Favorite

By SeeingLlamas - United States - Knoxville

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37025

You deserved it

3069

Favorite

By Danielle - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24034

You deserved it

3212

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33199

You deserved it

2726

Favorite

By Tired

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2671

You deserved it

371

Favorite

By Ferniferousfern

Today, my boyfriend of several years outright refuses to come to my best friend's wedding, on the grounds he'll be "bored". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2092

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received my acceptance letter to one of the most prestigious universities in the US, as well as a nice scholarship. I was so proud of myself, I eagerly showed my dad, hoping he would shed a tear or two. His only words were, "Just get a job so you can get the hell out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37611

You deserved it

3767

Favorite

By caseyj - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31085

You deserved it

4736

Favorite

By meegs - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11992

You deserved it

31691

Favorite

By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia - Jiddah

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50304

You deserved it

10076

Favorite

By homelessagain - United States - Lorain

Sue! SUE!

Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6688

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By lottielondon - United Kingdom

Today, my garage was flooded. Everything was ruined. My garage also happens to be my study, in which my entire art coursework was drying. My exam is tomorrow and all I have to hand in is a pile of mushy paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35968

You deserved it

3743

Favorite

By snazz23 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11997

You deserved it

1104

Favorite

By ouch - Belgium

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41248

You deserved it

4172

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/3/2021 13:59 - United States - Malvern

Chub rub

Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

810

You deserved it

165

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34692

You deserved it

4342

Favorite

By helosthisshit - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34825

You deserved it

4316

Favorite

By Gayer men’s team

Go Team!

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3715

You deserved it

1319

Favorite

By CallmeTokey

Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6618

You deserved it

15160

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56514

You deserved it

2455

Favorite

By leftout - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13428

You deserved it

28275

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 08:08 - United States - Bakerville

Thanksgiving 2020 is going to be a doozy

Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

867

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Duncannon

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39312

You deserved it

3976

Favorite

By buttpicker - United States

Pull!

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43499

You deserved it

4547

Favorite

By tbree - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44926

You deserved it

4451

Favorite

By Em - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38211

You deserved it

3605

Favorite

By baconistasty27 - United States - San Diego

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40207

You deserved it

5113

Favorite

By RupeeLink - United Kingdom

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62621

You deserved it

7975

Favorite

By dadum - Australia

Creeped out

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42426

You deserved it

3666

Favorite

By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver

Hummmmmmmmm

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1501

You deserved it

124

Favorite

By Y_Y - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32587

You deserved it

2889

Favorite

By HomelessGirl1 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23710

You deserved it

10790

Favorite

By sadsongstress - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity I sent him a song I wrote for him about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him claiming he had written it. They are back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61178

You deserved it

22700

Favorite

By Anonymous - Mexico - Guadalupe

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37787

You deserved it

4807

Favorite

By NoJobNovember - United States - Wadsworth

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29516

You deserved it

38133

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43027

You deserved it

7899

Favorite

By Raaaaaaarrrrrr - United States

Today, I bought a CD off a man who always plays Spanish guitar in the subway. When I got to work and tried playing the CD, it was blank. I paid $15 for a blank CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40068

You deserved it

21640

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40609

You deserved it

5027

Favorite

By bleh - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31285

You deserved it

6765

Favorite

By Tickettoride - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43961

You deserved it

16224

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Wakachulak | 22

#5865611 - Saturday 22 February 2014 12:58

Well, at least you know she hasn't done anything.

By Alyxi | 20

#5865615 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:00

are you sure she wasn't just trying to play along?

COMMENTS

By Wakachulak | 22

#5865611 - Saturday 22 February 2014 12:58

Well, at least you know she hasn't done anything.

By Alyxi | 20

#5865615 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:00

are you sure she wasn't just trying to play along?

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5865623 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:05

what would you answer with though?

also the tone of voice probably hinted she thought she had done something wrong..

JMichael | 25

#5865670 - Saturday 22 February 2014 14:36

She was very convincing apparently.

By Alhamdulilah | 15

#5865616 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:01

Your girlfriend HAS done something wrong!

bubblyhayley | 16

#5865970 - Saturday 22 February 2014 21:59

I agree!!!!

hunteryager | 18

#5866404 - Sunday 23 February 2014 14:31

There's a button for that!!!

zsxwrsd | 7

#5867180 - Monday 24 February 2014 7:58

Where?

By xxBFMVAAMIWxx | 18

#5865622 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:05

Your girlfriend doesn't understand kinky sex

IPatMusic | 2

#5873202 - Sunday 2 March 2014 9:57

Thank you I never would guess that

LouisvilleLuke | 10

#5963847 - Tuesday 3 June 2014 3:45

Thanks for clearing that one up

By AUShano | 15

#5865627 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:09

Best. Girlfriend. Ever.

Marry that girl!!

CandyPewPewPew | 29

#5865767 - Saturday 22 February 2014 17:56

Appreciate her too!

Wakachulak | 22

#5865965 - Saturday 22 February 2014 21:53

We'll be a family...
No matter what you say...

I don't know, it just seemed appropriate. Or the song is just plain stuck in my head.

nyctophobia | 5

#5930991 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 22:16

Not a reason to marry someone.

By strawberrywine22 | 27

#5865628 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:10

Explain it to her, and then you two can practice practice practice until she gets it right!

By brandoneyez1 | 25

#5865629 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:12

She's new to talking dirty... She'll get the hang of it.

By Enslaved | 36

#5865633 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:16

So continue and tell her why she's been a "bad girl". If you're going to role play don't break character! :P

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5865637 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:17

But you have to think about that!

Enslaved | 36

#5865642 - Saturday 22 February 2014 13:30

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
I role play quite a lot minus the "bad girl". Harsh words and playful spankings trigger my-- daddy issues. :'''(