Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML
Today, after I caught my (now ex) boyfriend cheating. He told me that it isn't my business if he was seeing other woman, because we didn't had an official relationship. We have been living together in a house we bought, for two years now. FML
Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML
Today, my husband, during casual family chat, told my CHILDREN all about my childhood sexual abuse as I stared at him in disbelief. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. FML
Today, my boyfriend is leaving me for his pregnant side chick, all because I “deprived” him of sex after suffering a miscarriage. To top it all off, the smug bastard actually told me, “Don’t worry, you’ll find happiness again someday, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Seriously dude? FML
Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML
Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML
Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML
Today, I was on the bus. I have a phobia of babies crying, and recently, whenever I've been on a long journey, there's been one and I've had an anxiety attack. There were no babies on this bus, just an old lady showing her friend videos of her screaming grandchild. FML
Today, I was at a party and I danced. Judging by people's stares, I should never ever attempt it again. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML
Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML
Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML
Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML
Today, my husband told me that for our anniversary he will be watching the UFC fight, because it is, "one of the biggest events ever and he just can't miss it." Apparently, our one-year wedding anniversary is not as important. To add to it, he said we should watch it together. Very romantic. FML
Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, it's Mother’s Day. It's also the day I’m expected to pay a very large medical bill due to my miscarriage of twin babies. FML
Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML
Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML
Today, I was nursing my baby in the park while my older kids played. A man stormed over and started screaming how vulgar and disgusting I was being, and how he didn’t want his kids exposed to “all that”. He and his buddies were all shirtless and playing vulgar music loudly through a speaker. FML
Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML
Today, while nailing a board down, I hit my thumb with the hammer. As I reached to console my throbbing finger, I dropped the hammer on my foot. When I went down to hold my foot, I smacked my head on the board. Now I've got a concussion, a smashed finger, and a bruised foot. FML
Today, the boss's arrogant son thought it necessary to demonstrate how to use a hole punch while explaining slowly how he wanted things punched. I have worked admin for years, and I'm the contracts admin, not his PA. FML
Today, I drove 3 hours to get to a class, just to have the professor leave a note on the classroom door saying that she wasn't coming. FML
Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my bedridden, 94-year-old grandma. She woke me up at 6 a.m. only to tell me her UTI is still there. Later, she made me interrupt my 15-minute-dinner a total of 4 times because she wanted things like "more lotion in her buttcrack." FML
Today, I got to go to the water park with my class. I jumped over the rails that maintain lines because there was nobody around and managed to break a toe. Hello, 7+ hours of roasting in the sun, watching 500 other kids have a great time. FML
zerotiki tells us more.
zerotiki 5
Wow-my 1st submission got posted! This was my classes senior year trip, and my mother was chaperoning... We didn't know the toe was broken until I got home, but the day was less exciting than I hoped it would be.
Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML
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