By Anonymous - United States

Beat It

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1565

You deserved it

165

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Messed up

Roommate from hell

By yupthissucks - United States - Newnan

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39023

You deserved it

2760

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30194

You deserved it

4230

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By hottygirl905 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29113

You deserved it

2264

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4234

You deserved it

1305

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By hinting - United States - Dearborn

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76339

You deserved it

4568

Favorite

By pissed out pants - United Kingdom

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42847

You deserved it

3885

Favorite

By jaskyriddims - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45610

You deserved it

5171

Favorite

By 1234 - United States - Lutz

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30287

You deserved it

2747

Favorite

By titov - France

Today, I got my stuff together before leaving to take the bus: cigarettes, newspaper, mobile phone and the trash. I took me at least 5 minutes in the bus to realize that I was travelling with the trash on my knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18972

You deserved it

7092

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By hazyshadows - 18/3/2020 17:02 - United States - Edmond

Too many cooks, etc.

Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1583

You deserved it

153

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By Samantha Glennie

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3596

You deserved it

219

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By stdfree_hopefully

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8595

You deserved it

2089

Favorite

By Alyssa - Canada - Toronto

Today, I paid $50 on a haircut. Halfway through, I realized the hair dresser was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29379

You deserved it

5096

Favorite

By xoragebaby - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37583

You deserved it

5005

Favorite

By Y_Y - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32568

You deserved it

2887

Favorite

By Someguy - Belgium

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14841

You deserved it

56769

Favorite

By sincerely depressed. - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7810

You deserved it

40289

Favorite

By Baddad

This is terrible!

Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1956

You deserved it

1039

Favorite

By Help Me - Canada - Calgary

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31248

You deserved it

8426

Favorite

By kenz - 17/12/2020 20:01

He's fine

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to come over for a backyard wiener roast. Because it was so hot outside, he told me he didn't want to. Eventually, I talked him into it telling him it would be fine. He's now still asleep on the couch with heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

246

You deserved it

1065

Favorite

By GotGasNotLuck - Australia - Girraween

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33141

You deserved it

2231

Favorite

By tash - Canada

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40874

You deserved it

9436

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By JennyAndrews - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15108

You deserved it

31008

Favorite

By adopted apparently

Today, I found out the joke I’ve been telling for 15 years is true. I am adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2244

You deserved it

336

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By Jane - United States

Today, I found out the weekly coffee talks my husband was having with his ex-girlfriend stopped involving coffee about 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37664

You deserved it

21211

Favorite

By AlwaysTired - United States - San Carlos

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24241

You deserved it

2560

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By forewhatnow - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26544

You deserved it

9751

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

73747

You deserved it

5382

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By well then... - United States

Today, I was approached by a girl who called me a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend, then punched me in the face. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75344

You deserved it

3365

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By Lissy - 5/1/2021 14:02

You're my mommy now

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

789

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia - Dammam

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39591

You deserved it

2494

Favorite

By izzy

Today, my boyfriend left me for his sister. No, not my sister. His sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3668

You deserved it

202

Favorite

By ihatepizza - United States - Aurora

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

8069

You deserved it

1018

Favorite

By happy bday - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28904

You deserved it

9363

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39939

You deserved it

21040

Favorite

By coffeeshopgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41728

You deserved it

4459

Favorite

By not laughing anymore - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks

29701

You deserved it

6415

Favorite

By gvmfvr - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46060

You deserved it

3947

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gournay-sur-marne

Today, I went to see the school counselor to schedule my classes for school. She asked me if I knew how to speak English. My parents are Chinese and I don't even know how to speak Chinese. I've lived in America my whole life. Plus, I even spoke to her in English to ask about classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49881

You deserved it

3870

Favorite

By whatabitch - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40539

You deserved it

2566

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7840357 - Saturday 7 September 2019 6:48

If you could kill your boss by dressing up as him, you'd be a...

...wait on it...

smooth criminal.

Hee-hee-hee! I know -- that's bad, that's bad, jamoa.

By alycion | 38

#7840600 - Saturday 7 September 2019 10:27

WTH kind of company do you work for? They try to loosen things up but forgot to remove the sticks first.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7840357 - Saturday 7 September 2019 6:48

If you could kill your boss by dressing up as him, you'd be a...

...wait on it...

smooth criminal.

Hee-hee-hee! I know -- that's bad, that's bad, jamoa.