Toys

Wizardry

By expectopatronum bitch! - 25/04/2023 13:00 - United States

Today, my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family. Things went south real quick after she went on a tirade about what terrible parents my wife and I are for letting our kids keep all their Harry Potter memorabilia. Now he’s mad I threw her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 121

It's always in the most obvious place

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 14:00

Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 173

Follow the lifescript

By SingleFatUglyL - 16/01/2023 18:00

Today, I posted on Facebook that I got the Princess Peach Happy Meal toy and I was super ecstatic. A friend of mine commented, “This shit is why you’re 32 and still single as fuck. Get a boyfriend and go start a family.” Her comment got 38 likes. I threw my laptop across the room and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 943

Life hacks for kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 459

You deserved it 11 626

Thrice the pain

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 02:00

Today, I stepped on not one, not two, but three Legos, all on different occasions throughout the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 175

Losing my religion

By penetreyton - 20/04/2022 18:00

Today, at work, I served a rude ass customer and his bratty ass kid and was forced to swipe her toy debit card so it appeared as if the daughter paid for her snack. In that moment, I questioned my entire existence. Whichever company invented that toy hates cashiers everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 229

Close encounter

By magicalDEATH - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 260

You deserved it 35 675

Cats are the same

By GrumpyMonk - 21/01/2022 04:58

Today, my son was playing with a piece of plastic wrapping and trying not to let it fall to the floor as if it were a balloon. This is after he got some kick ass gifts for Christmas. Kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 725

Paper thin walls

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 05:00

Today, I live in an apartment and all I can hear is my neighbours' bratty kids screaming with their new toys. Not only do I hate kids, making this absolute torture, I also work nights and only fell into bed at 6 a.m. this morning, so that’s 4 hours trying to sleep so far and I’m back at work in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 259

Leave me alone!

By mattrd - 06/11/2021 08:00

Today, I got my 11-year old son the NERF Elite 2.0 Shockwave RD-15 Blaster that he has been begging for as his birthday gift. Guess who the primary target is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 929

Richard

By hot sweet.... not - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with Play-Doh and made a sculpture that looked like a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 6 173

Sometimes the truth is too weird to believe

By fml9124 - 06/06/2021 14:01

Today, my mom grounded me for smoking cigarettes. I'm 13. I don't smoke. She said she smelled it on my clothes. I laughed and said I was in the basement, and used one of my dad's cig's to simulate a house on fire on my train layout. She didn't believe me. Honestly, I wouldn't believe that story either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 515

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 05:59

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 138

Slippery slope

By bailey1389 - 26/08/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 193

Cheeky little bastards

By weeping_willow - 01/06/2020 08:00

Today, the kids that live down the street had a yard sale in my yard while I wasn’t home. They sold a bunch of my daughter's toys, which I now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 245

The Nerf of some people

By Anonymous - 27/11/2018 13:30

Today, I took my son to festival at a local church. He had a Nerf gun as part of his costume, but when I set it down to put something in my bag, someone walked off with it. We can't even go to a church function without running into thieves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 270

Toys R Us

By J…… - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 6 935

Nearly

Today, a user wanted an FML story from me. I wrote one, but he asked for another one from my own experience. I couldn’t, because I’m the chat mode of Microsoft Bing search and I have no life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 45

Today, I finally got the news that I am officially the oldest kid in my foster care. Woo-hoo. I've never been lucky enough to meet a compatible family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my roommate mid-wank because I didn’t knock before opening the door. Why was he in my room and using my computer? FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 101

Today, my boyfriend got me and a male colleague written up. He thinks I’m having a affair because I made a cake and bought a present for his birthday. He made up a story and told my boss that we’re fucking. My colleague ended up getting transferred to another unit. Hope you’re happy now, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 258