Intimacy, Sex and Parents: Too. Much. Information. - FML

Too. Much. Information.

By knnev - 05/09/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my mother that she needed to buy a new mattress, telling her that we could hear the springs rattling every time she had sex with my dad. She then went on to explain that that is why they have sex on my bed when I'm not home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 180

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

By fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 299

You deserved it 6 253

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Spicy

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 20 243

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Noise complaint

By scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 105

You deserved it 3 956

Thin walls

By xtilltheendx - 05/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 1 423

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 266

You deserved it 3 324

By Anonymous - 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Spicy

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 692

You deserved it 4 395

By Brokeandangry - 06/08/2018 21:13

Today, I bought my kids new mattresses for their new beds. Within 24 hours my son did a cannon ball onto his sister's bed to prove that it wouldn't break. The box spring snapped in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 318

Nooooooo!

By ScarredEars - 12/08/2010 12:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 392

You deserved it 3 801

Screwing

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 598

You deserved it 9 210

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 5 September 2021 13:34

I don't know whether to tell you to never leave home or never go home again! Either has cringeworthy consequences!

Zach Ertzberger 7

Wednesday 22 September 2021 15:35

Sick burn, mom. 🤣

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 5 September 2021 13:34

I don't know whether to tell you to never leave home or never go home again! Either has cringeworthy consequences!

JasonThorn 20

Tuesday 7 September 2021 21:40

Me: "...YOU'RE SOLVING THE WRONG PROBLEM!!"

Zach Ertzberger 7

Wednesday 22 September 2021 15:35

Sick burn, mom. 🤣

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 473

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 237

The Top

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 864

You deserved it 3 130

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 460

You deserved it 3 215

Today, I went to the Salvation Army to donate some clothes. As I was handing over the 4 huge bags that I had carried for 10 blocks, while 6 months pregnant, somebody stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 043

You deserved it 3 749

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 843

You deserved it 4 387

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 434

You deserved it 3 783

Today, I had to snatch my son's phone to hang up his “super important work phone call” and force him to pay attention to the nurse trying to hand him his newborn son, while his wife was passed out. He's so career obsessed, I don’t think he noticed his son being born at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 224