Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a...

14/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 204

Triage

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Trashy

31/07/2019 18:00

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 167

01/08/2009 16:49 - Poland

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 180

You deserved it 4 664

09/10/2009 23:22 - Canada

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 216

You deserved it 3 302

Entitled

By Bad friend - 19/12/2020 02:04 - United States

Today, after I'd mailed my friend her Christmas gifts since we can’t see each other, she called me ranting because the gift I sent her dog only cost $5. According to her, that means I must not really care as her dog is her “baby”. I bought gifts for all 5 of her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 65

11/07/2015 06:13 - Australia

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 159

You deserved it 37 167

10/03/2013 02:05 - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 133

You deserved it 4 036

19/07/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 231

You deserved it 5 425

05/08/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 511

You deserved it 4 337

02/12/2014 05:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group for the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 654

You deserved it 2 624

09/12/2008 02:03 - France

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 564

You deserved it 5 423

12/09/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 016

You deserved it 6 432

Lovin' it

By RAB - 18/07/2020 02:02

Today, as the manager of a McDonald's, I had to ask a group of high school kids to calm down after several complaints from other guests. Their rational response was to pour soda on my head and throw burgers at me. Upon returning from chasing them out, I sprained my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 153

Power tripping

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 02:00

Today, I got my projects printed and spiral bound, only to get a text from my teacher 30 minutes later that everything must be in black and white. I paid extra money to have them in colour. When I asked her if colour was okay, she said, "I never asked for colour and I want it in black and white for everyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 195

31/05/2016 19:06 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 672

You deserved it 1 060

04/02/2015 16:06 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 746

You deserved it 4 837

Private Freakout

By Roida - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 300

You deserved it 2 707

07/12/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 997

You deserved it 3 346

03/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 115

06/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 656

You deserved it 8 262

16/11/2012 23:59 - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 592

You deserved it 1 911

24/11/2010 19:06 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 730

You deserved it 14 858

08/12/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 561

You deserved it 36 286

04/07/2012 14:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 132

You deserved it 34 530

Whooped

By leah - 16/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 124

31/10/2015 12:36 - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 576

You deserved it 8 386

24/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 116

You deserved it 33 343

04/07/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 154

Do not want

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 08:01 - Europe

Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 2 545

07/11/2014 01:55 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 947

You deserved it 15 858

10/08/2012 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 980

You deserved it 1 769

08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 722

You deserved it 8 575

28/02/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 650

You deserved it 802 839

23/09/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 464

You deserved it 6 652

06/02/2009 15:29 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717 717

You deserved it 66 691

Get well soon

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 08:02

Today, I'm in hospital after having surgery for a broken leg. I’m maxed out on Endone and still in pain. Work have said that I’m on the roster next week and I’ll be fired if I’m not there. My wife said that she is going to have some "me time" for a few days when I get home from my "holiday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 57

19/07/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 2 317

15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 598

You deserved it 35 982

23/01/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 7 939

19/06/2019 06:26

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 216

05/10/2018 12:00

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 251

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Top comments

ahabsfan 14

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 2:09

Tell him no sex because you don’t like to get wet. If you know what I mean.

Major_Haywire 7

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 3:09

He had to tell you? Couldn’t you smell him?

Comments

ahabsfan 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 August 2019 2:09

Tell him no sex because you don’t like to get wet. If you know what I mean.

Major_Haywire 7

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 3:09

He had to tell you? Couldn’t you smell him?

raven_of_azarath 34

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 6:20

My guess is OP could tell and asked, and the bf told the reason.

Spencer Cookson 4

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 3:12

Guess he doesn't like having a girlfriend either

misswilwarin96 11

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 4:40

Ask him if he "doesn't like" being single.

123Puppy 32

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 5:20

Ew...

Sonotsuave 33

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 5:23

“Yeah and you’ll never make me wet either if you don’t get your personal hygiene under control.” Simple

Laurea Lindroos 8

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 12:27

I would tell him that’s a shame, then none of us will get wet. You know, being single is kind of nice 👌🏻

RJR 5

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Thursday 15 August 2019 20:09

Bet he likes it when his cock is wet...

Peaches1914 13

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Sunday 18 August 2019 18:04

Wait, what?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 35

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 104