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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML

#20647961
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42799) - you deserved it (5585)

On 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

#20694810
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (2288)

On 05/30/2013 at 4:51am - money - by BrokeAsHell (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

#20643700
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42689) - you deserved it (7194)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:10pm - health - by grossed out - United States (Illinois)

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42627) - you deserved it (8078)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

#20654488
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42620) - you deserved it (4134)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by o___O" (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

#20689016
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42553) - you deserved it (8002)

On 05/27/2013 at 9:42am - animals - by Nearly Crashed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42419) - you deserved it (4584)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML

#20682410
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42397) - you deserved it (1907)

On 05/23/2013 at 7:25pm - misc - by Dalistair (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

#20691616
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42258) - you deserved it (4947)

On 05/28/2013 at 6:14pm - work - by funnygirl018 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42226) - you deserved it (3271)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

#20664547
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42113) - you deserved it (9278)

On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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