Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school.... - FML

By - 17/11/2008 08:53 - France

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

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Understandable

Dodged a bullet

A beautiful truck decoration

By emeraldapostle - 27/4/2019 00:00

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 21:14 - United States

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

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By ughhh123456789 - 15/7/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:10

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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By schellbytheseashore - 21/2/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

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By Pims - 15/4/2017 12:00

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

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By samgonzalessb - 14/12/2009 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2020 20:00

Empathy

Today, my best friend rang me to complain about having to pay childcare fees when she's still working from home. She doesn't understand why I couldn't sympathize with what she was going through. Clearly she forgot I'm a childcare worker who would like to be paid for the work I do. FML

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By varunet2004 - 11/6/2015 19:50 - India

Today, I confronted my boss for his inadequate contribution in our work. He accepted his inadequacy and apologized for not doing enough. He now expects me to work on everything singlehandedly since he has already clarified his inadequacy. FML

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By meh - 26/5/2015 05:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

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By CP slave - 11/9/2019 06:02 - United States

Entitled

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

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By agnosticstudy - 28/1/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

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By Alex - 20/6/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

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By Noname - 20/2/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

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By dusty bean - 18/11/2017 05:00

Fartmageddon.

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

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By Juanald - 5/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

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By manymisfortunes - 4/10/2014 05:43 - Canada - Lachine

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

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By "chris_lillo" - 31/1/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Late reaction

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

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By Anon - 10/3/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

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By amythest - 13/2/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

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By uvagirl - 5/7/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

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By FartMyLife - 11/8/2016 11:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML

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By sammy77sam - 15/7/2013 13:41 - Saint Kitts and Nevis - Basseterre

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

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By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2011 00:26 - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

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By dirtythief - 18/7/2013 16:01 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

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By pandabear - 12/2/2010 19:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an alert from Facebook that it was my very popular and attractive classmate's birthday. I decided to be sweet and write "Happy birthday" on her wall, only to notice it wasn't there a few minutes later. I rewrote it again and it disappeared. After three attempts, I took the hint. FML

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By WeezysBaby - 28/3/2009 22:13 - Canada

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

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By iamlauraheremecry - 27/1/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my power went out due to a huge snow storm. I was in desperate need of candles and flashlights. I had to walk to the store since the roads were closed. I walked 4 miles in the blizzard. When I got home, the power came back on. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 23:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

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By gotmon3y - 7/4/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

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By soapisyourfriend - 16/2/2016 06:53 - United States - Ashland

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

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By StupidCar - 7/2/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

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By MakeMyDay_27 - 27/6/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 04:10 - United States - Seattle

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

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By light_talker - 14/1/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2010 15:20 - Canada

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

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Top comments

By Damius | 0

#52315 - Monday 23 March 2009 13:29

To be honest, I suck cock. Sorry.

By Rande | 0

#59879 - Thursday 26 March 2009 16:57

If this is all you have to worry about in life I think you are going to be just fine. save the space on this board for someone who actually can say "fuck My life" all you should really be saying is "my life isnt so bad"

COMMENTS

By Tygastyle | 0

#2718 - Monday 16 February 2009 20:19

this one is stupid. go get really fat and come back on here with an interesting one

By Sgt_Schadenfreud | 0

#27012 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 23:07

Be happy for him then, you horrible, selfish person.

Reply

cygnusx1991 | 0

#886207 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 21:54

You have to be an idiot. do you have any idea how bad a 10 year old's poetry is? Anyone can tolerate 1 In a contest designed to make the kid feel good but all the time??

Reply

AHotCupOfCoffee | 28

#6198517 - Tuesday 10 February 2015 17:54

Why on Earth has almost everyone criticized OP like this? She probably WAS happy for him! Sure the first couple of poems were cute, but after SOME amount of time wouldn't become AT LEAST agitating??? I get this FML isn't too bad, but less serious FMLs have gotten better comments than this. And FML community, what's with the higher FML votes and most negative comments...doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Either people have had a bad day, jumped on the band wagon, or this was a joke and it went over my head.

By maitressekatje | 0

#36296 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 3:01

Seconding #5. Grow the fuck up, OP.

By lifepwns | 0

#45885 - Friday 20 March 2009 22:06

lol

By crashdevil666 | 0

#51129 - Monday 23 March 2009 0:15

LMAO

just do the same with him

By Damius | 0

#52315 - Monday 23 March 2009 13:29

To be honest, I suck cock. Sorry.

By Rande | 0

#59879 - Thursday 26 March 2009 16:57

If this is all you have to worry about in life I think you are going to be just fine. save the space on this board for someone who actually can say "fuck My life" all you should really be saying is "my life isnt so bad"

By theguy0000 | 0

#59936 - Thursday 26 March 2009 17:15

how is this an fml? get over it.

By esseyeeyeell | 0

#68323 - Sunday 29 March 2009 23:48

Not funny. Not FML.

By cantelopenipples | 0

#94985 - Thursday 9 April 2009 3:36

thats the worst fml i have ever heard.