Kids: Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 282

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 123

17/11/2008 08:53

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 526

You deserved it 8 260

And today, on Dr Phil…

Sorry…

Check yourself

23/07/2015 19:00

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 073

You deserved it 2 882

17/01/2011 16:44

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 422

You deserved it 8 274

29/05/2009 11:12

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 349

You deserved it 53 304

08/11/2012 05:43

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 677

You deserved it 2 115

11/09/2009 04:39

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 656

You deserved it 43 331

04/01/2010 05:05

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 716

You deserved it 44 342

Ad break

By Remy - 17/06/2021 16:01

Today, I had the brilliant idea of scanning my PC in the afternoon, because Malwarebytes told me I might have malware and it's been running hot and slow lately. Five and a half hours later, the scan is 1.3% complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 147

09/05/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 1 182

Whooped

By leah - 16/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 124

23/06/2013 19:39

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 094

You deserved it 4 356

13/10/2009 06:38

Today, after I'd spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confessed she's a mental patient who stole someone else's identity. She was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 154

You deserved it 3 787

25/02/2019 16:00

Today, my child is so super clingy and needy, I have to sit and watch her bounce on the trampoline attentatively or else face hours and hours of whining. She's like the Screamapillar from the Simpsons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 1 391

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 14:08

Today, my three-year-old told me he hates me cause I’m mean because I wouldn’t give him another cupcake. Now he is calling his grandma his new mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 140

11/01/2011 04:11

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 574

You deserved it 4 043

31/08/2018 15:00

Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 805

You deserved it 712

29/04/2014 18:46

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 565

You deserved it 9 032

02/09/2011 22:53

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 351

You deserved it 5 040

Boom, headshot!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 02:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 269

30/07/2012 18:05

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 505

You deserved it 4 656

NO SNACKS

By face - 25/03/2009 05:45

Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 122

You deserved it 10 660

23/04/2012 22:41

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 173

You deserved it 2 878

26/07/2009 17:17

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 282

You deserved it 7 124

31/01/2013 05:40

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 086

You deserved it 38 118

19/10/2012 06:41

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 352

You deserved it 1 826

11/08/2015 00:32

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 354

You deserved it 2 369

14/02/2017 15:00

Today, my girlfriend's deaf and senile cat listens to my verbal instructions better than my completely healthy middle school students listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 448

You deserved it 585

26/02/2010 00:14

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 648

You deserved it 46 812

13/08/2013 20:19

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 980

You deserved it 4 256

04/11/2010 09:18

Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 778

You deserved it 18 301

06/01/2011 03:55

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 867

You deserved it 4 212

16/04/2011 08:39

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 855

You deserved it 4 677

15/01/2013 23:16

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 013

You deserved it 2 972

24/08/2010 08:19

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 6 102

Rulers of the world

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 18:01

Today, my mom insists on leaving both the front and kitchen door open in case the cat comes home, no matter if it gets cold inside. Yes, the cat is that important. Yes, he also has a cat flap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 77

15/07/2013 05:14

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 804

You deserved it 4 442

Baby New Year?

By Fiona the Deceived - 30/05/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 260

You deserved it 239

26/01/2011 10:31

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 905

You deserved it 28 499

20/04/2015 18:06

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 262

You deserved it 3 605

02/11/2018 13:30

Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 290

You deserved it 357

16/01/2012 20:18

Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 589

You deserved it 3 298

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Monday 23 March 2009 13:29

To be honest, I suck cock. Sorry.

Rande 0

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Thursday 26 March 2009 16:57

If this is all you have to worry about in life I think you are going to be just fine. save the space on this board for someone who actually can say "fuck My life" all you should really be saying is "my life isnt so bad"

Comments

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Monday 16 February 2009 20:19

this one is stupid. go get really fat and come back on here with an interesting one

Sgt_Schadenfreud 0

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Wednesday 11 March 2009 23:07

Be happy for him then, you horrible, selfish person.

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 21:54

You have to be an idiot. do you have any idea how bad a 10 year old's poetry is? Anyone can tolerate 1 In a contest designed to make the kid feel good but all the time??

AHotCupOfCoffee 28

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Tuesday 10 February 2015 17:54

Why on Earth has almost everyone criticized OP like this? She probably WAS happy for him! Sure the first couple of poems were cute, but after SOME amount of time wouldn't become AT LEAST agitating??? I get this FML isn't too bad, but less serious FMLs have gotten better comments than this. And FML community, what's with the higher FML votes and most negative comments...doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Either people have had a bad day, jumped on the band wagon, or this was a joke and it went over my head.

maitressekatje 0

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 3:01

Seconding #5. Grow the fuck up, OP.

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Friday 20 March 2009 22:06

lol

crashdevil666 0

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Monday 23 March 2009 0:15

LMAO just do the same with him

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Monday 23 March 2009 13:29

To be honest, I suck cock. Sorry.

Rande 0

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Thursday 26 March 2009 16:57

If this is all you have to worry about in life I think you are going to be just fine. save the space on this board for someone who actually can say "fuck My life" all you should really be saying is "my life isnt so bad"

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Thursday 26 March 2009 17:15

how is this an fml? get over it.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 23:48

Not funny. Not FML.

cantelopenipples 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 3:36

thats the worst fml i have ever heard.