Miscellaneous: Today, I yelled at a new employee for violating the company's...

By SorrySnowWhite - 21/11/2016 20:13 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I yelled at a new employee for violating the company's makeup policy which is minimum coverage. She had red lipstick, very dark drawn eyebrows, and foundation that made her look like a ghost. She took out a makeup wipe and used it then showed me it, only to reveal she doesn't wear any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 900

You deserved it 14 958

Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

Too much meat on my hands

Thanks guys

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 570

You deserved it 7 373

Courtesy visit

By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 348

You deserved it 324

By kait - 29/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 927

You deserved it 2 335

By scardeycat13 - 08/01/2012 05:38 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared I passed out. I was only on the kiddy hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 196

You deserved it 10 704

Unexpected

By bruh - 28/03/2017 20:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 850

You deserved it 319

By SupposedlyAverage - 27/12/2014 14:55 - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 215

You deserved it 4 260

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 443

You deserved it 2 813

By padre74 - 03/10/2016 17:31 - United States - Jackson

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 288

You deserved it 2 381

By Teeny - 09/03/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 957

You deserved it 3 435

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 279

You deserved it 6 059

By Mike - 31/10/2009 04:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 821

You deserved it 6 721

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 08:58 - Belgium

Today, in a rush to get out of my house to go to a doctor's appointment, I closed the door behind me without having my house or car keys on me. Sadly, it took me less than a minute to break into my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 017

You deserved it 6 007

By millie219 - 13/08/2012 15:20 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 303

You deserved it 2 171

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 20 286

By yesikilledit - 20/11/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 314

By Azcrazy - 03/08/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She's been there all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 427

You deserved it 3 993

By chamberpottime - 16/12/2015 08:58 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 149

You deserved it 1 480

Polygraphs are BS

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 99

By sendhelp - 03/08/2015 05:31 - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 534

You deserved it 2 429

By cantunhear - 20/12/2014 03:16 - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 163

You deserved it 2 448

By random person - 09/07/2013 17:51 - United States

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 137

You deserved it 4 698

By Amb - 01/06/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 953

You deserved it 6 170

By WhyTheFNot - 20/06/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 392

You deserved it 9 278

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 127

You deserved it 20 193

By sdk2010 - 06/03/2012 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 389

You deserved it 2 252

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 630

You deserved it 8 964

One each

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 23:01

Today, my girlfriend was in the back seat of a car with one of my friends when she got sick and puked all over one of his dress shoes. My friend then asked me to replace his shoes, since she is technically unemployed and couldn't pay him back. We eventually agreed that I would pay for one shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 207

PTSD FML

By Eddward - 15/06/2021 06:00

Today, I was working a phone call in a call center when I suddenly began to faint while at it. It turned out to be a bad dream I'd woken up from, because it's been three months since I've worked at that call center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 77

By immovingout - 04/05/2013 17:46 - United States - Huntington Station

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 067

You deserved it 4 728

By nocanhaz - 16/08/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 592

You deserved it 49 699

By lrgenesis - 04/02/2012 08:13 - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 2 812

By DantesInfernalRage - 12/09/2017 13:00

Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 847

You deserved it 235

By pleasedtomeetyou - 13/01/2010 16:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 16 301

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 326

You deserved it 31 627

By Anonymous - 27/06/2010 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 136

You deserved it 7 819

By Intheway - 29/08/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, the guy I've been dating tells me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 201

You deserved it 6 053

By not even interested - 15/10/2017 16:00

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 142

You deserved it 196

By sadgf - 25/07/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 723

You deserved it 8 839

By JAdams - 13/08/2012 00:49 - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 2 930

By badtiming - 03/03/2015 17:18 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 268

You deserved it 9 913

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Top comments

ThirteenThirteen 27

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:05

didn't have to yell at her ffs

KingKralj 31

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:04

I'm sorry op but ydi. Always ask before you assume. Assumptions often lead to bad results.

KingKralj 31

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:04

I'm sorry op but ydi. Always ask before you assume. Assumptions often lead to bad results.

CrassKal 27

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Sunday 27 November 2016 10:04

Even if the assumption was correct yelling was out of line. OP sounds like a shit boss.

egnur_mas 19

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Sunday 27 November 2016 12:38

Assume Makes an ass out of u and me ;)

Tripartita 44

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Sunday 27 November 2016 16:34

And making assumptions makes an ass out of u and mptions.

ThirteenThirteen 27

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:05

didn't have to yell at her ffs

species4872 19

Sunday 27 November 2016 9:12

You should hire the rest of the Munsters as well.

gracehi 31

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

KismetSiren 7

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Sunday 27 November 2016 20:46

from the description, I'm not sure it would be described as pretty... wearing make up doesn't make you prettier if you don't know how to use it

RpiesSPIES 27

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Sunday 27 November 2016 21:35

She could be a shut-in... :D

gracehi 31

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Monday 28 November 2016 0:31

No, it doesn't necessarily mean she's pretty, but OP could *say* that's why. It's just little white lie. Won't hurt nobody. ;)

tounces7 27

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Monday 28 November 2016 19:14

She could just have tattoo'd on makeup.

alishalee1996 12

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Tuesday 29 November 2016 1:46

@tounces7 Thats what I thought as I was reading it.

coolmike699 26

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:17

That's really worth yelling at someone about?

kctrl 8

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:21

Instead of yelling about something that minor, maybe you should politely speak to employees. Or you know, check to make sure they're actually wearing make up before flipping your lid.

doemetoch 28

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:23

Either you're just a coworker, in which case it's not up to you to discipline people for not respecting the company policy (though a heads up is generally appreciated), or you're a superior, in which case abusing your power by yelling at her is unprofessional and just a shitty thing to do.

RayniDae 12

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:27

that poor girl! u shouldn't yell at ppl for something as stupid as makeup. YDI!

Zevon 10

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Sunday 27 November 2016 9:28

Its was permanent makeup

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Sunday 27 November 2016 20:16

The eyebrows might have been tattooed on, but I doubt she had "permanent" ghost white foundation lol. Her lips could have been tattooed red too, but maybe not. People have mistaken me many times for wearing lipstick when I'm not.