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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40569) - you deserved it (2531)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

#20857270
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55526) - you deserved it (7209)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

#20861348
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46595) - you deserved it (2928)

On 08/31/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Redbridge)

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

#20844605
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40701) - you deserved it (3439)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by FamilyLoving - United States (New York)

Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

#20857055
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39478) - you deserved it (7787)

On 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm - misc - by sweetnan (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

#20856159
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34512) - you deserved it (19178)

On 08/27/2013 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

#20860109
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41032) - you deserved it (14497)

On 08/30/2013 at 8:33am - misc - by charlieg9 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46029) - you deserved it (2996)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

#20861368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47098) - you deserved it (3833)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by nevercatchabreak - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

#20850650
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41836) - you deserved it (11667)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:12am - misc - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

#20852134
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40735) - you deserved it (15159)

On 08/24/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by cpmolly (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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