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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47582) - you deserved it (3125)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

#20851263
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57539) - you deserved it (16820)

On 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

#20850372
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44441) - you deserved it (4507)

On 08/23/2013 at 2:23am - misc - by NotInterested (woman) - United States

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

#20861348
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48058) - you deserved it (3035)

On 08/31/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Redbridge)

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28222) - you deserved it (42284)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

#20852629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57334) - you deserved it (7519)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

#20856159
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37246) - you deserved it (20403)

On 08/27/2013 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

#20857055
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41547) - you deserved it (8081)

On 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm - misc - by sweetnan (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42129) - you deserved it (3005)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

#20852722
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54395) - you deserved it (7830)

On 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41822) - you deserved it (2992)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

#20848750
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57560) - you deserved it (8584)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by none - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42170) - you deserved it (25141)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States



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