The Top

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By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 11:16 - Canada

Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 163

You deserved it 2 615

By parishiltonsbff - 04/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 494

You deserved it 40 683

By Kelly - 12/08/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 367

You deserved it 3 980

The truth will always come out

By cmendez - 26/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my mother, who is 75 years-old, just told me and my sister that we were adopted. I'm 45 years-old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 907

You deserved it 2 310

By metalflower01 - 11/01/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 208

You deserved it 4 080

By Bear - 01/02/2009 17:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 491

You deserved it 6 018

By milkndstufff - 07/03/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 413

You deserved it 3 633

By Anonymous - 24/02/2010 14:20 - Israel

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 266

Distressed

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 02:01

Today, my colleague pointed out with a disgusted look on his face that I'm wearing 90s clothes again. Just like every time he sees me. What does he mean by 90s clothes? Jeans. Literally any pair of jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 74

Bad friends

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 02:00 - United States - Sewanee

Today, I just found out that my first-ever boyfriend has been cheating on me for our whole entire relationship. All my fake friends knew about the her, but they just "forgot to tell me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 104

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 359

You deserved it 12 697

By Chris Altenbach - 23/02/2010 20:55 - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 45 990

Get back to work

By wavenixv - 27/08/2021 10:01

Today, I got an email from our district manager, telling me I cannot use my vacation days as sick time. I've run out of sick days and I have a severe injury that I've taken medical leave for. When it flares up, it feels like I’m being stabbed. He knows this, but doesn’t acknowledge it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 73

Losing

By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 718

You deserved it 2 833

By itsawonderfulife - 23/02/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 570

You deserved it 10 761

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 15:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 198

But I neeeeed my things

By ... - 26/11/2022 00:00

Today, after lecturing my daughter about being responsible with her money, she got a package from Amazon. What was in it? A lamp shaped like toast. She already has a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 229

By First Kiss - 07/12/2012 12:39 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 3 530

By louise - 05/01/2012 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 093

You deserved it 55 980

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 16:03 - United States - New York

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 061

You deserved it 5 588

By Ilostsomuch - 04/01/2012 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 566

You deserved it 3 068

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 419

You deserved it 17 303

Never enough

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 00:00

Today, my boyfriend bitched about the fact that I hadn't purchased parking to attend the football game I got us tickets for as his birthday present ($750). I purchased parking for $190 and now he’s bitching that I didn’t buy pregame passes - another $170! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 179

By TextLoser - 05/08/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 866

You deserved it 86 814

By Leigha - 02/01/2012 02:14 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 207

You deserved it 50 209

By LDL - 26/01/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 564

You deserved it 5 556

Baked

By Anonymous - 07/06/2020 05:05

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 442

You deserved it 4 052

By Champs - 25/01/2009 17:52 - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 173

You deserved it 26 460

By fml - 13/11/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, while shopping for clothes, I asked the assistant to recommend something for me. She took me to the maternity section. Thanks, but I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 303

You deserved it 7 776

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The Top

Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 197

Today, I spent a few seconds looking for my phone before realizing I'd been holding it the entire time. I laughed, put it down, and went back to what I was doing. Ten minutes later, I started looking for it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 274

Random

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 007

You deserved it 11 451

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 237

You deserved it 4 748

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 144

You deserved it 7 212

Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 104

You deserved it 316

Today, someone came in for an interview. For my position. I wasn’t informed that they were replacing me. I had to set up the room for this interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 93

Today, I confronted my boyfriend of 8 months about him posting our date nights sitting at a table and having drinks, yet I don’t appear in a single frame. He said, “I just don’t post people.” He posts friends, family, and colleagues in pictures all the time, but when it comes to me, he “doesn’t post people.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 113