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Bad doggy

By life_suxxx - 17/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 587

You deserved it 4 911

Invisible teammate

By forgotten - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 867

You deserved it 2 762

Monster!

By lu… - 08/12/2020 17:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mother decided that I'm a complete sociopath and that I don’t care that my grandmother just died. Why? Because I haven’t lost my appetite. My grief response is to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 92

Awkward silence

By Anonymous - 09/05/2023 15:00

Today, my little brother was getting a haircut. He’s very shy and doesn’t like to talk to strangers, hardly ever, but with women it’s more likely that he will. The hairdresser made a comment about, “He’s so quiet, is he nervous?” I said without thinking, ”No, he only talks to pretty girls.” She didn’t speak the rest of the haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 122

By catt - 17/10/2014 20:12 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 567

You deserved it 4 063

By Talvesh - 15/12/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 073

You deserved it 2 164

Chuds

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 13:58

Today, at my retail job, I was trying to get a large amount of cardboard to the trash and had a short path to maneuver through displays and customers. As I'm coming down the aisle, a customer sees me and stops to look at a coffee cup display, directly in my path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 124

Sorry sweaty

By Jennie - 11/05/2023 15:00

Today, I was late for a job interview so I got a taxi to get there. Then the driver got lost and ended up taking me to the wrong address. By the time I got to the right location, I was 20 minutes late and had sweat stains on my shirt. To make matters worse, the interviewer was my ex who I had a messy breakup with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 199

Fight Club

By ronnieG - 16/07/2013 16:06 - United States - Decatur

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 719

You deserved it 8 807

By horn-y - 23/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 447

You deserved it 60 191

Red flag

By Jordan - 29/05/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, my friend PayPal-ed me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote, "To get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 4 566

Proud boy

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 08:02

Today, I went on a Tinder date. He seemed pretty normal. Very handsome, and a complete gentleman. Turned out he's a white supremacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 262

You deserved it 4 469

By wut - 05/08/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 3 524

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 884

You deserved it 6 048

By Anonymous - 07/10/2014 16:06 - United States

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 224

You deserved it 3 372

By The Christmas Grinch - 18/11/2010 22:33 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 457

You deserved it 3 912

By silvercity09 - 26/05/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 025

You deserved it 64 091

Hard disagree

By Anonymous - 20/05/2023 03:00

Today, I told my therapist that I read FML for relaxation and entertainment. She asked what FML is, then told me stop reading this website, as my life is bad enough, knowing other's experiences would actually increase my level of anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 09/09/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 095

You deserved it 4 272

Freakout

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her Snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face, then tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 7 681

By jackelking - 25/05/2009 08:33 - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 080

You deserved it 6 948

Act your age

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 10:00

Today, we're finally at an age where my wife will try to negotiate how old she has to admit to being. It’s ridiculous. At her last doctor's appointment, she was asked her age, she’s 52 but claimed to be only 40, and I had to argue her up to admitting to 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 126

Meddling

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 10:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I found out that my mother organized someone to feed my pets because I would be out of town overnight, even though I told her that I would be back in the morning and they would be fine. They overfed my dogs, with one of them eating over 10% of her weight, and now she may have bloat, which is often fatal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 114

Gold digger

By Anonymous - 26/05/2023 06:00 - United States - Moscow

Today, I asked my boyfriend to help me with groceries, since the last of my money went to last week's groceries. His response was to start a fight, then tell me it's my fault my daughter acts the way she does, which is when he finally got me to break down and cry. I'm pregnant with his kid, and I also pay 90% of our bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 1 008

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 12:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 4 584

By nutrigrain123 - 23/05/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 573

You deserved it 27 587

Riding bike on ice...

By Lewis - 25/01/2019 00:30 - France - Paris

This is some kind of déjà vu.

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 403

By stillhungry - 22/05/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 491

You deserved it 2 744

He gets around

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 00:00

Today, I did an actual double take when my son complained about having to block the phone number of his most recent one-night stand when she got pregnant, but luckily he gave her a fake name, so he doesn’t have to delete his Facebook. How many grandkids do I have out there you little prick? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 663

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The Top

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from Bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 503

You deserved it 13 462

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 261

You deserved it 9 220

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 853

You deserved it 4 083

Today, my sister called me at work and told me our elderly mom had passed away. I dropped everything and rushed home, to find out she was fine, and that my sister was just pranking me. When I explained this to my boss, he accused me of lying to get out of work, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 93

Today, when going to bed after a night of heavy drinking, my boyfriend told me he was in love with his cousin, and that she’s way prettier than me. Later in the morning, he said it was just "drunk talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 105

Today, I held the door with my back to greet everyone into a meeting. When I followed the last person in, my waistband managed to get looped on the door handle and shut behind me as I walked away, taking my body with it. I was leading the meeting, as the branch manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 72