The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Bad timing

By Mel - 10/11/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in two months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 863

You deserved it 38 335

By bellaboop1990 - 14/07/2009 22:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 545

You deserved it 6 378

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 68

Is it me?

By Jules - 12/06/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I once again have to attend a family gathering and never hear the end of, “Julie, you’re 33 and you still haven’t found a man?” What they don’t understand is that every time I pour my heart out to a guy, I always get the ladder kicked out from under me. As a result, I can’t get close to anyone anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 131

By -__-" - 29/09/2013 05:45 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 580

You deserved it 4 554

By shadowfigure - 23/01/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 533

You deserved it 8 340

Fragile

By Stigmamma - 15/08/2020 20:02

Today, my husband said he felt "dizzy from blood loss" after his nose started "pissing blood." After I said the tiny drop of blood from his split second nose bleed wouldn't cause dizziness, he got mad at me for "attacking his masculinity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 234

Average New Yorker

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 18:30

Today, I put my “I love NY” t-shirt on inside out by accident. When I went to a coffee shop, the barista asked, “What’s with the weird NY shirt?” I replied, “I don’t know, it’s just my thing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 721

Experimenting

By Anonymous - 16/06/2024 06:00 - United States - Englewood

Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 641

By Sammy - 25/11/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, I re-broke my leg. The same way I broke it the first time, playing frisbee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 001

You deserved it 13 913

By GuillermoCJ - 22/01/2011 05:36 - Mexico

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 135

You deserved it 4 708

Me is what matters

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 05:01

Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 126

Bosses gonna boss

By Anonymous - 18/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me because every time he does his checklist walk-through of the warehouse I’m always sat on my ass in the break room, either watching television or fast asleep. Yeah, he does his walk-through every day between 12:30 and 12:45, right in the middle of my lunch break. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 15:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 350

You deserved it 5 354

By kodijack - 25/01/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 672

You deserved it 35 240

Growing old gracefully

By OldBitch - 16/08/2020 02:01

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 533

Told you so

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 14:00

Today, I told my stepdad 3 times not to unload my new stove by himself, being worried about both the appliance and his bad back. When I came back to the car two minutes later, he'd taken the stove out and was wondering where that huge scratch on the side might have come from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 104

By fml - 19/01/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 847

You deserved it 40 947

Halloween (slight return)

By fuck you and that stupid mutt - 02/11/2021 08:00

Today, I was outside carving pumpkins with my kids in the grass in my apartments. This rabid Karen starting screaming about the mess we were making. First of all, we were putting the pulp in a bag; second, she lets her dog bark all night and never cleans up it’s shit whenever it goes on our property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 101

By bensim64 - 10/01/2015 16:35 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I had to go back to the restaurant I had just eaten at and beg for my tip back so I could afford my bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 390

You deserved it 11 640

bensim64 tells us more.

bensim64 12

Sunday 11 January 2015 3:23

Hi, as the author I just wanted to clear this up. I'm not cold or heartless, but I forgot my Oyster card (what you need to get a bus home in England) and had given my last bit of change for the tip! I was hugely embarrassed as I always tip (although not mandatory in Britain as in America; mostly because American staff are for more helpful and nice). However, as I do go there fairly often, I will obviously tip more next time!

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 21:40 - United States - Lusby

Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 321

You deserved it 4 874

By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I learned that my roommate, the one in charge of the cooking, never washes her hands beforehand. According to her, it boosts her immune system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 4 215

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 692

You deserved it 3 617

By T.C - 23/01/2010 12:21 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 228

You deserved it 2 527

Time is running out

By Beatriz - 25/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, the guys I rejected for being too short or looking too nerdy are both in committed relationships and engaged with their significant others. Meanwhile, it’s been two years and I keep getting ghosted or in situationship after situationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 329

By Sunny - 18/09/2013 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 526

You deserved it 34 146

Used

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation, and she'd asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldn't get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 049

You deserved it 3 241

By Anonymous - 17/09/2013 17:23 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 634

You deserved it 4 069

By Anonymous - 11/10/2012 05:08 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 640

You deserved it 2 919

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 314

You deserved it 8 291

Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 390

You deserved it 6 173

Today, I had to help one of my best friends while he was having a seizure. Earlier this morning my longtime girlfriend broke up with me. Oh, and also earlier this week I found out my other best friend has cancer. Lord take me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 121

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 758

You deserved it 38 460

Today, according to my doctors, the car crash I was in has damaged the part of my brain responsible for balance and coordination, which is why no matter if I'm standing, sitting, or lying down, I feel dizzy as fuck. Unless by some miracle my brain can fix itself, this might be a lifelong condition. I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 73

Today, I went up to a random stranger and said, "Hey, you don't know me, but I know you're about to make a huge mistake!" for a prank video. She had a massive meltdown and screamed at me. The police came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 2 120